Coloring Outside the Lines

I've moved!

2010-02-12T14:00:00.001-06:00

You can now find me blogging over here, on this page:

http://emkburn.wordpress.com/

Because I like it like that. For now anyway.

Almost finished

2010-02-03T12:43:00.002-06:00

I started a new quilt this past weekend. I think the colors are a lot better in person, mais c'est la vie. There's a Super Bowl quilt sale at one of the quilt shops in Giddings this weekend. I plan to stop by both stores because a)I don't have enough of the browns to finish the sashing, and b)I decided that I need a different border and there was a great batik fabric that I almost bought last weekend, but waited because I knew there was a sale this weekend. I think this might be my new favorite quilt when it's finished. And it will be big, just the way I like my quilts. Because what's the point of taking a nap under a quilt if you can't cover up from head to toe without lying in the fetal position? These are the things I have to think of when I make a quilt.

One thing

2010-02-01T22:14:00.003-06:00

There is one moment in my life that I wish I could re-do. Ha, OK, truth be told there are lots of stupid things I wish I had never said or done, but that's just par for the course in my life. I will always say or do something stupid, and I'm generally ok with that. But there is one thing that comes to mind often that I wish I had done.

When I was working as a receptionist in London a woman came in late for her appointment one early afternoon. She wasn't even terribly late, maybe 15 minutes or so. The practitioner that she was there to see had a fully booked schedule however, and they had taken the next appointment because the patient was there early. I could tell that it had taken the woman a while to get to the clinic because the complete and total frustration of her trip was written all over her (parking was impossible and the nearest tube station was closed at the time). To make matters worse she had her baby with her (I think the appointment was for him actually) and he was screaming and crying. I remember trying to be as gracious as possible when I told her that the next patient was already being seen and there was a chance that she would have to pay for the appointment because that was company policy (a no-show fee=cost of the appointment). The woman started crying. And I still remember her face, seeing how exhausted she was from a baby with colic who cried all the livelong day. I wanted to hug her. But I didn't for fear that she would think I was some crazy, psychotic American who didn't know anything about propriety or manners. I wish I had offered to watch her baby in my office while she went down to the bathroom to get some kleenex or cry or just take a break from the constant screaming.

I think that's one of the biggest regrets in my life: I saw her need, but I didn't do anything about it. I could have, quite easily, but I did nothing. I wish I had done something more for her...I don't know why, but I keep being reminded of that episode and I just keep wishing I had done something different.

Long time, nothing new

2010-02-01T18:24:00.007-06:00

It's amazing to me the number of times I envision something so clearly that it obviously has to be something that comes true. The few times it hasn't happened I have been so disappointed. I did this with a job recently. I had a fantastic interview and felt like it was a home run, in the bag, a done deal. It's apparent to me that sometimes I see things I want so clearly that I infer that those are God's dreams for me too. So it's hard for me to say that I didn't get the job - a candidate with IT experience interviewed after me and because of that one factor, she got the job. I keep looking at other job postings and nothing stands out to me the same way. There was a level of autonomy that would have come with the job that I was really looking forward to. But I do still believe that God has a job for me. Whatever my disappointments. I think it will be better than the job I really wanted. Keeping an eternal perspective throughout this is paramount, I think. It's a time for growth.

And speaking of growth! My quilt collection will soon have a new addition. I started a quilt top on Saturday afternoon and I should be finished with it tomorrow. I'll post pictures soon-ish. I think I'm headed home this weekend to do a few things in Cypress. My mom has the day off on Friday...and it's not like I'm really doing anything. However, if, God willing, I have a job interview Thursday or Friday I will probably postpone the trip. I do miss my Bailey though, the little cuddle bug.

Love this song

2010-01-25T23:17:00.003-06:00

I heard this song on the way home from Tacos and Trash night (weekly viewing of the Bachelor. I call it the classiest trash tv out there. What? Stop judging me =]) I couldn't find a good video to embed, so you're going to have to look it up on youtube yourself. Dave Matthews "You & Me." I do love me some good Dave Matthews songs, though there are a lot of them I don't like too.

And since I know you've been dying to know, my hand is healing well. Slowly, but it's coming along. Today was the first day that it stayed closed all day. No blood or ooze! I consider it a triumph. The swelling has also gone down considerably in the last day or so too. I can almost touch my thumb to my pinkie again! Hurray! One ginormous leap forward for Emily, one completely insignificant, unnoticed step for mankind. But my thumb is still mostly numb; like Colt McCoy's arm, I just can't feel it. It's a strange sensation. My friend Anna, who is a nurse [don't freak out] is going to take the stitches out for me on Wednesday at bible study. That will be exciting, I'm already feeling squeamish!

Pray for me also. I'm waiting to hear back about a job. They could possibly let me know tomorrow, but it will most likely be Wednesday I think. I keep reminding myself that God is sovereign. His plans are on the eternal scale. He has a job saved for me already - no "Oh shoot! I forgot to watch out for a job for Emily!" moments. That would negate His sovereignty, yes? Sometimes it's just hard to rest in that knowledge when I can only sense the urgency for a job through my bank account. After rent and bills for February, I have $50 for groceries and any emergencies that may come up. [I just silently screamed in terror at that]. But it will be fine. I do believe that. If I have to move back to Houston, so be it. It's not ideal, but I like my family and I can live with them while I search for jobs in Houston and/or Austin. I have got to buy the new Windows 7 or something. My trial has finally run out and my computer shuts down every hour. Not so much fun if I'm paying attention. It does make me laugh because a message pops up saying "Aww, snap!" and that's all I can read before everything closes down and the screen goes black. Makes the annoyance a little less frustrating and a little more humorous.

Also you should listen to "Baby Blue" by DMB. It's a good one too.

Well that was certainly embarrassing

2010-01-12T16:03:00.003-06:00

Last night there was an issue with the city’s water pipe out front. It’s more complicated to explain than its worth to the story, so just know that I ended up next door at my neighbor to the north’s house seeking out the cell phone number of our duplex mate. Our Neighbor to the North (NttN), hosts a wine tasting party once or twice a month where she educates people on the finer points of wines. And NttN knows the finer points about wine.

This was one of those nights. I knew that. I saw the cars and I knew it was one of her events. But, you see, the city was sending out a crew to work on it last night and our duplex mate’s truck was parked on the street right next to where the leak was sprung. Our NttN has never experienced a small happening – everything is a big deal. So despite my pleas to wait outside on her doorstep while she fetched the much-needed number, she ushered me inside where eight or ten faces turned to stare me down. C’est un beau moment…

Introductions were made, explanations were given; I waved, smiled and apologized for interrupting as politely as possible, though the nervous twitch I get in my cheek when I’m unprepared to be the center of attention was threatening to start. I was prepared to write the number down and scramble back out the way I’d come, but nothing is as simple as you think it will be. NttN dialed his number before I knew what was happening and I just kind of stood there in her office while she handed me the phone and walked back to her guests in the dining room.

[Insert: Most awkward voicemail message every left in the entire history of voicemail messages.]

I really couldn’t believe that five minutes could be more awkward, but have I mentioned that I’m pretty good at awkward? So in what feels like the longest 4 seconds possible I make it to the front door where I’m about to leave and be home-free, NttN wants to know what I’m doing these days. I, being clueless, tell her that I just graduated and have been searching for jobs.

She: “Oh, well congratulations! What kind of jobs?”

Me: “Administrative assistant type positions, receptionist jobs, and the like. I’m waiting to hear back on an editing internship.”

She: “Oh, well come on.”

And back to the dining room we go.

She: “Everyone! My darling here has just graduated and is looking for a job.”

[Insert odd looks and snickers from peanut gallery.]

I mean, really? Really? Then I have to answer their questions. “Is it a masters in English?” Me: “No, an undergrad.” Loud guffaws, then “Well, good luck with that!” Har. de. har. har. And the questions continued. This comment was a particular favorite: “My son was an English major, but he’s gainfully employed and has his doctorate. Surely you can find something.” Oh, there’s nothing like a snob to make you feel good about yourself. [smirk]

In all seriousness, I think our NttN was trying to be helpful. While I appreciate it, I also can’t forget how embarrassed I was. And while that’s not her fault, I really hate being embarrassed. C’est la vie…

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In other news, I tried to move away from blogger and joined wordpress. I’ve had some issues with blogger lately and wordpress allowed me to transfer all of my old entries. I was psyched, but now I can't decide if I like wordpress. I still need to figure out a few details with wordpress [formatting, uploading images/video, etc]. Also, Google Chrome is pretty fantastic.

Bangs + Beef Stew + Bachelor

2010-01-11T16:28:00.005-06:00

There is some thing in me that makes me act rather irrationally. Or maybe it's not irrational at all. I have a tendency to think about something for a little while and then as soon as I make up my mind, I'm ready have it RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND. Or if I'm deciding on doing something, then I want to be already on my way to doing it. Once I'm decided it's final, and I rarely go back on it.

Case in point: Last summer before going to Colorado (in the middle of a semester of school. Hi Mom!) I decided that I wanted to buy a camera. I probably spent at least an hour and a half looking online at Target, Wal-Mart and Amazon. I had a general idea of the features I wanted and once I found a camera I liked, I was ready to buy it. Why wait? There were many possible ways to buy this camera, i.e. different sites had different prices and packaging options (w/ or w/o battery, carrying case, etc). I could not wait for it to come in the mail. So before I knew what was happening, I was already standing in the electronics department at Target looking at the dang thing trying to decide if I could wait. Of course I didn't, and I ended up spending the evening learning the ins and outs of my new camera. I don't regret this. And I got some pretty fantastic pictures in Colorado!

Another instance: I often decide that I am in need of a haircut. Usually I convince myself that it can wait and maybe I want to grow my hair out fairly long. Occasionally I buy myself some time before going to the salon by coloring my hair. It's reversible, no big deal. Cutting my hair on the other hand, not so reversible and it takes ages to grow it back. My reluctance to go to the salon has stemmed from some very unfortunate do's (read: I've walked out of at least 3 salons just barely holding the tears back until I get to my car where I start looking at it in the mirror and pulling it to make it grow back faster. Horrible hair cuts are the pits!). I am loathe to visit any new stylists and would much rather drive alll the way back to Cypress to visit Amanda or the other girl whose name I always forget. At any rate, this morning I saw a new tagged picture on facebook. I decided right away that I needed a hair cut. Rather than book an appointment, I cut them myself. That is why I am now sporting bangs again. Sigh. Next time you see me tell you love them and it looks wonderful. It was one of those "What was I thinking?" "What the heck am I doing?" "Didn't I learn about cutting my own bangs in elementary school when I chopped them off to an uneven 1/2 inch long regrettable instant?" "Maybe I should work on talking things out before I just do them..."

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In other new, the Bachelor is back! My quilty pleasure of trash tv. So this afternoon I bought stuff to make beef stew. "Bachelor & beef stew" - I was going for the B's. Next week we're watching at a friend's house. It's going to be called "Crepes and Crap." Pictures and recipe for beef stew to follow when my internet decides to co-operate.

Craving: Satisfied

2010-01-10T23:01:00.003-06:00

Indian food might be my new favorite food.

I can't get enough. It's just so wonderful and delicious and I think I could eat it twice a week without getting sick of it. That's just the way it is.

That's all.

Oh, also, I realllly dislike being sick.

And again...

2010-01-09T15:52:00.006-06:00

My go-to thing when I'm bored is photoshop and blog design. I have updated my blog design, again. This time I created the background myself as well, not just the header. I think it will serve for the time being, or at least until I'm bored again!

I found this in my purse earlier today:

He is actually in my purse. I don't know if he thought it looked warm or extra comfy, but it was dang cute.

The job search is still on. Last week was actually nice, looking back on it. In the middle of it all though I was so discouraged. So, so discouraged. I am going to start thinking of this period as one of character building. It's really not fun having to continually put myself out there knowing that I could be rejected by these people simply because they don't like me on paper. I think applied to 9 jobs last week. I heard back from one immediately saying that they had already found someone and the job posting was old. I didn't have my heart set on that one anyway. On top of that my sourdough experiment failed and that was really hard for me. I can't actually think of anything I've failed at in the kitchen before. I may try sour dough again. But first I might try to find a different bread recipe - one I can actually make!

We're interviewing new roommate candidates this afternoon. And really that's only 2 people. The first one has already come and gone - she gets my vote. The second girl is stopping by later. We shall see which one we select, if either. It's nice to have the power in this situation - we are going to be ridiculously picky about the type of person we choose as a roommate.

I'm also being picky and saying that I'm eating lunch at Masala Wok tomorrow. I am craving Indian food. That's all I can actually think about eating right now. That's all I can think about period. Indian food, Indian food, Indian food. Mmmm!

Lewis & Clark and Job Hunting

2010-01-04T16:54:00.002-06:00

I have a new pet. His name is Clark. Clark lives in a plastic container, gets fed once a day and turned over at least twice a day. One day soon, this little guy is going to grow up to be something spectacular.

So what? I named my sourdough starter. Stop judging me. =) Lewis was the first starter I attempted. It failed miserably. MIS-RUH-BLEE. But I have high hopes for Clark, this time around my starter is looking exactly like it's supposed to and I'm taking that as a very good sign that I may indeed have a loaf of sourdough ready to cook on Wednesday and starter enough left over to have bread whenever we want. I'm excited!

In other news, job searching in itself is a full-time job, (read, I spent 9:30-4:45 job searching, revising cv and cover letter). Today I applied to about three different places and spent the rest of the time scouring job listings. The good news is, I found an old colleague from my days at CenterPoint Energy that is willing and excited to be one of my professional references. So that's something.

I also screwed up the first two cover letters I submitted because I neglected to omit two little words, "editing internship," when I was applying for something totally different. After much cursing and moaning in despair over things I couldn't change, I got smart. I created a cover letter template with high lighted fields that need to be changed and suggestions for information to include depending on the job. Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive.

Tracking down old managers and colleagues has not been fun. At two of the five jobs I listed, the managers and staff no longer work there. I emailed the owner of the clinic I worked at in London to ask if she would mind being one of my references, but she's out of the office until the 14th. So! I've got some more people to track down. Thankfully I bookmarked a few jobs to look at again tomorrow that I will consider submitting my resume to. I would really like to stay in Austin, but I'm not omitting Houston from my job search as a back-up plan.

Don't forget this.

2009-12-28T16:44:00.003-06:00

We're on a last minute trip to Mississippi to visit my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I love my grandparents. I wish we were staying for another day, but I think we're headed back tomorrow. This trip is too short - we just got here on Sunday - doesn't seem right to be leaving so early. But there are things that need to be taken care of back in Texas. My truck has to be fixed and I've got to get cracking on my job search (fruitless as its been so far). I know my grandparents wish we were staying on at least one more day.

Cooking dinner this afternoon with my grandma in the kitchen has been wonderful. I have every intention of starting a loaf of sour dough bread when I get back home. I remember coming to Mississippi during the summers growing up and she would have a hot loaf of sour dough bread for every meal. We all love sour dough bread. But today was too late to start so I helped and stood watching nearby as my grandma made angel biscuits. Just like my mom, everything she makes is wonderful and the best food you've ever had in your life.

I love watching my grandmother's hands. I think she would have been self-conscious if she had caught me watching her knead the dough. My eyes got a little misty as I was thinking back on all the things her hands have done in her life. I didn't let her see me though because I knew I'd have to tell her what had got me started crying. I hope I have hands like my grandma's when I'm older.

At one point my pawpaw came into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table. I'm not sure what loosened up his tongue, but he started talking and telling stories about the war and being in the army. I always remember him as being the strong, silent one in the family, but I love it when he starts joking and talking all the time. My grandma has a tendency to talk over him because he speaks slower than she does - he's had at least one stroke - but also she's heard all of his stories before. Today she tried to shoo him out of the kitchen because she was having a hard time cooking and listening to him at the same time. But since I wouldn't move to go to the living room, and I was his audience, he stayed right there and told me stories about the war. He almost never talks about the war. Today I saw my grandpa cry for the first time in my life. And I was crying too. He told me about seeing his brother Chester in Naples, Italy; how it was a surprise to see him because he didn't know his brother was over there. Chester knew my pawpaw was in Naples though. He started tearing up while telling me about a little Jewish boy Chester had befriended when he was liberating prisoners from one of the death camps. The boy eventually moved to America with his family where he became a citizen, joined the army, and found Chester through the VA many years later. After freeing the prisoners Chester's unit was due to move out somewhere else. The commander that was overseeing those troops heard Chester say that he had a brother in Naples. The man (maybe a sergeant) told Chester that if he would meet them in their next city by the afternoon of the following day he could go find his brother.

My pawpaw had been on a three-day leave in Rome and was on his way back to the base the same day that Chester went to find him. When CG (my pawpaw) got back to his barrack there was someone sleeping on his cot. The guys next to him told him that the sleeping man was a new recruit who had taken over CG's cot. My pawpaw laughed as he told me that he took the edge of his cot and flipped it over with the man in it, ready for a fight. Chester stood up and uncovered his face and completely shocked and surprised my pawpaw. We were both laughing and crying at this point. Then we were kicked out of the kitchen. There was so much hustle and bustle going on in the room I don't know if anyone else really heard the story or saw him crying. It was too much for me. I went to the bathroom to hide out for a minute. And then I came here to write this down so I wouldn't forget. I think I'll stop crying in minute. God, I miss them. I don't get over here to visit them nearly enough. And I hate that we're leaving so quickly when we just got here. I can't even think for a second about a day in the future when they won't be here. It just reduces me to tears all over again. Well, shit. I guess I'll sit here and cry for a few minutes and then pull it together and go back out to the living room. I've got to get pictures of them before we leave. I miss them already. More than I miss Austin - and that's a lot.

It's Official!

2009-12-21T13:57:00.002-06:00

Two things are, really.

I. I passed all my classes! Woohoo! I'm officially a graduate. This afternoon after Christmas shopping with my dad I will start job searching for real. Pray for me.

II. I know what kind of breed Bailey is! I was watching this show about cats on the Animal Planet channel the other afternoon/evening and they had an Egyptian Mau featured. Bailey is an Egyptian Mau mix! Here are the facts:

1. He has large eyes with the distinctive mascara lines around the inside of his lid. Large gooseberry green eyes to be exact, very particular to the Mau's.
2. His spots are only on the tip of his fur. If you pet him against the grain, he's a sandy brown color.
3. I always thought he had a weird saggy belly. Turns out Egyptian Mau's have that little flap for running! I had no idea. Egyptian Mau's are the fastest domestic cats and that extra skin allows for greater mobility/agility/speed. So that's pretty cool.
4. Bailey has the longest tail I've ever seen.
5. He is so unbelievably loving and loyal and devoted specifically to me. Which I always thought was because I'm his mama and he appreciated the fact that I took care of him when he was sick. But Mau's are fiercely loyal to their families.
6. When he's happy he chortles, or chirps a little chirping noise while wriggling his tail.

I know nobody else probably cares, but since I'm infatuated with this little sweetheart, I'm really happy to find out what breed he is.

Kids,

2009-12-14T21:58:00.002-06:00

I just wanted to let you know, that barring any unforeseeable events in the future (did I just make that word up? unforeseeable, seems like it could exist) - like me failing a class - I am a mere 5 pages from being finished with college.

Woohoo! And now for the best 5 pages I have written in the last month. I love working against deadlines, and quite honestly that's when the creative juices start flowing. After a satisfying dinner and a nice Mason jar full of sweet tea (and Colors of the Wind from Pocahantas just came on Pandora!) I am prepared to write. And there is an ice cold beer standing by for just in cases if I get stuck/reach the end of my motivation/will to write.

Did I mention I was only 5 pages away from freedom? Because if I haven't mentioned it already, I'm only a mere 5 pages - 1500 words or so - from being FIN.

WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD. When did I get so stinking old?

Also, I have this stupendously long post in the works. There's something about studying and actually forcing my brain to work that makes me very introspective/willing to look at things. Stay tuned!

Have I told you lately....no just kidding. But 5 FIVE CINQ CINQO pages away!

2009-12-13T16:08:00.002-06:00

Le sigh.

What I would give for a nap right about now.

Why We Need Central Heating/AC

2009-12-11T16:13:00.002-06:00

Emily: "I'm amazed at how much warmer I am in my sleeping bag than just with my fleece blanket and comforter. I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight!"

Roommate: "I told you. It's awesome."

Emily: "It's like I'm in a little cocoon..."

Roommate: "Yeah."

Emily: "...it's like, like I'm back in the womb!"

Roommate: "And we're woommates!"

Emily: "Aww, we awre. We're just wittle woommates!"

Roommate: "...Party on, Emily."

Emily: "Party on my wittle woommate!"

5 plus jours

2009-12-10T17:12:00.004-06:00

Alas.

Five whole days from now, I will be finished. Fini. Can you believe it? I can hardly take it in. But I just keep telling myself, only 5 more days. And tonight I get to watch Bones AND The Office. And then after that, only four more days. I think the countdown part of this is therapeutic. It helps me realize that I will only have to deal with the overhwelming stress for a little while longer. And it is overwhelming. To the point where I think I have emotionally shut down into a self-preservation kind of mode. I remember feeling like this in May.

Stress does this to me. I don't know how to process it and so therefore I shut off. And I start singing all the songs I remember from childhood. What is that? Seriously. A coping method? I don't know. This morning I could not stop singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. And yesterday I think it was John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith. Breathe in, breathe out. It's almost over. And then I'll miss school and cry, but the stress will be over and I can go back to my normal(ish) self. I already miss school. I was like this last Spring too. I only miss it when it's gone.

A Book You Shouldn't Read

2009-11-29T22:19:00.002-06:00

Birdsong by Sebastian Faulkes is a book you shouldn't read unless you're wanting to cry. I have yet to cry, but I can tell it is only pages away. It's truly a really good book, but it is so overwhelmingly sad that I could crawl into my bed and weep for the characters.

It bounces back and forth between France 1916-18 and England 1978. The trench warfare is expounded on in detail. I think part of my problem is that I watched my first episode of Band of Brothers over the holiday weekend and the images of the fighting and wounds are fresh in my mind. The main character of 1916-18 is Stephen and the other is his grand-daughter living in England in 78 who knows little to nothing about him but is determined to understand more.

Anyway...I don't know what to do with myself. Thank you, British Novel in the 20th Century class and Dr. Berry for tossing me and 2/3 of my classmates into a pit of sadness. You are truly depressing.

On a lighter note, I had my graduation pictures done today. Life is speeding past at lightning speed and I am trying to keep up. So much reading and work to do over the next two weeks or so. And then there's the job searching that must be done. It's a truly funky place I'm sitting in right now. =/

That's Church

2009-11-29T15:26:00.003-06:00

I went to service today for the first time in a few months. I do really enjoy working in the children's ministry even though I complain about it pretty often. There's just something about 12 four-year-old children that really wears a person out.

I was talking with my roommate last night about how I've felt disconnected from the body of the church because I typically go to my preschool class and then to my Sunday school class. Starving is the word I used. Outside of my quiet times, I'm getting no nourishment. And I literally feel like I'm starving.

So being able to go to service today was really rewarding.

Can you sense that there is a "however" coming? And a relatively big however at that. I really enjoyed going to service today, however I feel like there was something important left out of the sermon. The clarification that was needed to help people remember that our God is a good God. He is the definition of good. My feeling is that the sermon made him out to be a mean old miser. The context of the sermon is this: David wanted to build a palace for God. God spoke to the prophet Nathan in a dream and told him that David was not to be the one to fulfill that dream because he had killed too many people. It was still a good thing to desire and dream of, but he wasn't made for that. God took away David's dream essentially. David responded well; he became content with his situation and He held on to God's sovereignty and His intentions though David got nothing out of the promise.

I had two conversations afterward with people who took away the meaning to be that whatever their dreams are, even if they are with godly intentions, that's not what's meant for them and God won't fulfill that dream. That God will take away that dream. I disagree.

I wish there had been more on the fact that some of our deepest desires and dreams are from God and that he very much wants to fulfill them. I refer to the dreams that are born out of godly desires and not our sinful nature. We often don't pray about those things because we're afraid they will be taken away. But that's not necessarily true! If we are living our lives in such a way that we are seeking God's will above our own and searching for His will in our lives, He very often places desires within us and then fulfills them when we lay them at His feet and trust Him for those things. Our God is a good God. We serve a mighty King; vengeance is His, yes, and there will be justice for those who do not know Him, but I am His child. I stand redeemed because of the sacrifice of Christ's blood, and I claim an inheritance from the Lord God Almighty. And He disciplines me, of course, because I really need it. But He loves me. And He wants to answer the desires of my heart. I trust Him with those very precious dreams of mine; the ones I hardly admit to myself because I'm afraid that they will get crushed. God's word tells us to "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I feel it's true that if we are delighting ourselves in the Lord He also becomes the desire of our hearts.

Is it not undermining God and who He is by believing that He will take away our dreams just because we have them? Can we not instead hold them up to Him and believe, in faith and obedience, that His will shall be done and that He might just answer them?

Bah, this is one of those topics that I feel like I'm not communicating well on at all. There is an immense amount of things I want to say on this but it's hard to touch on everything and decide where to begin. I need to listen to it again and see if I walk away with the same perceptions. Suffice it to say for now: I wish the sermon had offered more on God; who He is and what He's like, instead of confusing people as to what He will do. God will not crush your desires just because you have those dreams. It may very well be that He wants to answer them beyond your wildest imagination but you possess such little faith that you will never see God answer them. Believe little, see little.

Believe BIG. Then keep your eyes open.

Nobody Panic!

2009-11-24T12:53:00.002-06:00

I think it was just allergies. And I think that because my whole face is itching today and I've been sneezing. A lot.

Still winning:
Pink Eye: 0
Cavities: 0
Strep Throat: 0

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Eve! I love holidays. Fall and winter holidays. There's a great deal of nostalgia there because I have had some of the best holidays ever lived by anyone and I doubt I will ever hate the holidays. Unless something tragic happened. But I just get so giddy during this time of year! I feel like Buddy the Elf, that's how giddy/silly I get. But I love it. "And I'm singing...and I love it I love it I love it!"

Michaela, I would watch Elf with you this week. It is not too early to enjoy that goodness.

Aww, shoot!

2009-11-23T22:44:00.003-06:00

You know what would be bad timing?

Having pink eye 5 days before I am due to have graduation photos taken.

I'm praying this is some other eye irritation, but after working with those kids this week (half of whom couldn't stop coughing, sniffling, etc) who knows.

I also heard from someone on campus that pink eye is the number one thing health services is worrying with. Awe-some.

Couldn't be worse timing, thank you very much. Welp, we'll see how things are in the morning. I'm off to make a warm compress and use some eye drops. Hoo-ray.

Divine Find of Oh-Nine

2009-11-18T17:32:00.003-06:00

Let's take a minute and review all of the wonderful things we've discovered in the year 2009...

Ok, great. You have yours?

Here's mine:

That is love. Plain and simple. Love in the form of a chocolate bar. Some genius took a chocolate bar and married it to a peanut butter cup and the brilliance that came out of it is this. Isn't it beautiful?

Also, I just talked back to an old man in the grocery store. Not even sassy-like. Just mean. But he was a liar.

I hate liars. Not the liars themselves per se, just their lies.

Maybe I dislike them a little too while the lie is still fresh in my mind.

Story: Roommate went to Randall's earlier to get some things for lunch. I asked her to get me the little bar of love aforementioned [clue #1] and some chicken salad [Randall's is stepping up their game! So many good deli-style foods there now]. Anyway, she accidentally forgot the chicken salad. No big deal. On my way home from Manor this afternoon [where I was short with Brookes, clue #2], I decided to swing by Randall's and get a little thing of chicken salad for lunch tomorrow. I was on the phone in the store, no big deal, and remained on the phone until I got in line.

When I had been standing in line for a few seconds, this man [not old, probably mid-late 60s] came up to me and said "Excuse me, I was standing in that line."
To which I didn't say anything. But he was most definitely not standing in that line. He was in the line next to me. Then he stands between the two lines waiting to see which one is moving faster. He ends up picking my line and pushing in in-front of me. Needless to say, I was getting irritated.

But THEN! Low and behold, the other line moves faster. As soon as he sensed me move a hair's breadth of a fraction of a 1/1000 of a millimeter in that direction, he shot over to the other line and looked back at me absolutely horrified that I would "cut" in front of him in line.

[Insert WTF? face and exasperated sigh.]

The second time he looked at me, I said: "So, are you staying in that line or are you going to jump back in front of me because I'm about to step forward and set my stuff down?" [clue #3] Well, I said everything before the "or."

Bah. I was so frustrated with him. And his little British accent too.

And then I got in my car, added up the clues, and realized what was going on. It does explain why I've been so stinking exhausted lately!

Also, I think I'm going to put my Christmas lights up in the next few days. I was going to be good and wait until after Thanksgiving, but there are already two or three houses on our street that have lights up. Call me that-tacky-neighbor-who-lives-down-the-street-with-their-Christmas-lights-already-up, but I don't really care. It's my favorite time of the year! All of the leaves are turning all of my favorite colors and I'm just so inexplicably happy! [with the exception of the incident in the grocery store. And Brookes.]

I re-designed my blog [again] today. I went for the simple, self-designed look and abandoned all of the downloadable templates I've used in the past. I just can't find what I want. There are some cool ones out there, but I have this idea and I can't find it anywhere. So this will have to do for now.

Happy Autumn!

L-O-V-E

2009-11-11T09:12:00.005-06:00

You know what I love?

Wednesdays.

But Thursdays have always been my favorite days. Recently I found out I was born on a Thursday. It makes sense, I suppose, considering how much I love Thursdays.

So I love Wednesday because it's Thursday Eve.

Speaking of eve's! Can we just sit in the disbelief for a minute that Thanksgiving is maybe 2 weeks away?? Christmas is just. around. the corner!

Part of me is in shock. I just...wasn't it just February?

And part of me is ecstatic! I love Christmas music and movies and decorations, oh my! I can't wait to watch all the old Hollywood Christmas classics.

My mom and I always make our Christmas-time tamales while listening to the "Merry Christmas, Baby" CD. It's a tradition we started at least 5 years ago. We've been perfecting our recipe ever since and those tamales just get better and better. I live off of Christmas tamales for at least a week, sometimes two: usually lunch and dinner, sometimes breakfast if I'm feeling like it.

So here's to Wednesdays (Thursday Eve) and Christmas being just around the corner.

And to my pawpaw, CG Burnham, on this Veteran's Day.

Stellan

2009-11-09T18:34:00.002-06:00

Occassionally I start blog hopping and find myself on complete strangers' blogs with no idea how I got there. Sometime earlier this year I happened across www.mycharmingkids.net (still not sure how). But I read for a while and really came to respect MckMama, as she calls herself, in that little bit of time. She probably has more than several thousand readers everyday (one news site she had a link to said over 100,000). At any rate, big time blogger; part of their family's income is provided from it. I say "that's awesome": she gets to stay at home with her kids during the day, and makes money on the side doing something she enjoys, photography and blogging.

Anyways. Today I saw someone's status on facebook that said "Pray for Stellan." I don't think I've looked at her blog since that first week I was reading it, but I remembered her youngest child's name, Stellan, and the things they were struggling with at the time. Stellan was diagnosed with SVT in utero. I don't understand all of it, but it's a complicated heart issue that should have gone away before he was born. It didn't. And he's spent the first year of his life in and out of hospital. So upon seeing the status update, I looked up her blog and saw the news. Stellan was back in the hospital, worse than ever before. In theory, the surgeons wanted to wait until he was 4 before doing surgery because it's complicated and so risky with a little heart. They weren't even supposed to go into surgery today because he needed to be off his heart medicine for at least two days prior.

However, Stellan's SVT was out of control. He flatlined in his hospital bed this morning. There was a 20% chance they would have a successful surgery today (successful being that he wouldn't need a pace-maker and be dependent on it for the rest of his life).

I'm just telling you, as the tears roll, that God answers prayers in a big way. It was a completely successful surgery, and so far there's no sign of the SVT starting up again.

I don't know why God heals some and not others. My roommate was in Houston for her cousin's funeral today. Sometimes I wish I understood...

He's done a miracle today, made possible what few thought would happen for years. Stellan is SVT free. And MckMama, bless her heart, is giving him the praise and glory, for all 100,000+ or - who read her blog. If you're interested in keeping up with their story/Stellan's progress, I'm adding a link in the blog list to the right.

And pray for Josh's family. He's a little boy in my Lambs Sunday school class. I don't know the details, but another parent stopped me at church yesterday and said that it was a SERIOUS-serious medical condition. Your prayers are coveted, friends.

100th Post!

2009-11-08T19:39:00.003-06:00

I've recently become addicted to the website mylifeisaverage.com. I've noticed a common thread with a lot of the things people are posting. So many seem to be extremly nostalgic for their childhood or fascinated by the things that remind them of simple fun, no tvs or video games involved. And I have to admit, I've caught myself recently wishing for the imaginative fun in life. Building a fort out of quilts and chairs and pillows is on my list of things to do before 2009 is over. I feel fairly silly wishing for, let alone saying such a thing. But I think those people are on to something. I miss the imaginative fun things in life. It's the kind of fun I often don't have because I'm too busy acting like a grown up.

It rained most of the day here today. I watched 'Penelope' this afternoon (one of the discount movies I bought at Blockboster earlier last week). The song at the end of the movie is one of my favorites: Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros. I *think* they're an Icelandic band. At any rate, the translation of hoppipolla is "hopping in puddles". Do you know where I'm going with this? ;)

I have not giggled so hard in years!

A few tips when jumping in puddles:
1. Don't worry with your rain boots. They don't keep the water from falling back into your boots on it's way back to earth. Your socks will be soaked anyways.
2. Keep your mouth closed,
3. Close your eyes.
4. The higher you jump, the bigger your splash.
5. Watch out for traffic and ignore your snotty neighbors.

Penelope is such a good movie. I had been looking for an uplifting movie in the last couple of weeks. The last few I've seen have either been heart-wrenching or slightly horrible. Penelope is heart-warming and fantastic. I'm thinking about watching it again.

2009-11-04T16:52:00.002-06:00

Hah, so much for a month's worth of posts!

As it turns out, there is such a thing as "prayer hair" and "sleep face." Things I wasn't aware of until I was told I had them.

The Blockbuster in my neighborhood is going out of business. All of their movies are on sale for $8.99. Their box sets (think TV shows) are only $17.99. I should have bought LOST or one of the other shows I was looking at, but I didn't. Instead I bought Penelope, Casino Royale (only $5.99), and Elizabethtown (also $5.99). I thought it was a pretty good deal myself!

Lately I've been wanting to read a good book and watch a good movie. And I mean something light-hearted, or just up-lifting. The books I've had to read for class lately have been completely insane. Literally, all about socio-paths and their crazy ways. Made for some strange dreams, let me tell you. The last few movies we've rented too haven't been too great. They were either cheesy or stupid or a little bit dark.

And as it turns out, I think I talk in my sleep every night for most of the night. Roommate has said that anytime she wakes up in the middle of the night there's more than a 50% chance I'm talking in my sleep. I've been concerned about the things I'll say because my dreams have been really peculiar!

Did you know?

2009-11-02T18:21:00.005-06:00

It's National Blog Posting Month.

Which means...well, nothing, unless you give it meaning. Which I will do.

You're about to get a month full of posts from me. Not at all once, of course. I wouldn't do that to you. I know you're all already stocked up on crazy and not interested in me selling you some more. But crazy is as crazy does and I does crazy well. (That was not a grammatical typo) ;)

First things first. I had my first run in with chiggers. Nearly drove me to insanity one night. But instead, I attempted to break my toe on the bathroom door around 4 in the morning one night. I wish bruises photographed better. This one was a doozy. My toe is currently in the end stages of bruising; a nice brown color.

And then there was Halloween! Lots of fun. I wish we had spent more time coming up with costume ideas and working on the costumes we decided on. But it was still fun, not as funny as last year. But it's hard to get perfection two years in a row. We were Hannah Montana (Marianne) and Miley Cyrus (me). As it turns out, people actually don't like them. It's funny because I thought America was obsessed, but the feeling seems to lean towards the opposite actually. Go figure.

Hannah Montana and Miley tried to teach people how to do the Hoedown Throwdown. Not as easy as it looks. We had actually rented the movie the night before when we were in Houston and tried to learn the dance. Super funny trying to learn it. My mom helped, but mostly she just laughed at us. Actually, that trip home was a really good one. I love my parents. I love that other people love my parents and suggest that we visit them more regularly - like every other weekend. I concur. I would be willing to take people down to Cypress with me every other weekend. People need to experience the love and joy that is Casa de Burnham. Or Maison de Burnham, if you prefer the French comme moi ;)
I mentioned the Galveston Service Trip we'll be going on with a few people from my Sunday school class in a few weeks. My mom jumped on my idea of stopping for dinner either Friday or Sunday. I hope people are down for it. My mom is already thinking about menu ideas. At the very least, my car will be stopping. So...choose your car wisely friends.

Because I have the attention span of a 5 year old

2009-10-29T18:29:00.004-05:00

And Bones is coming on in 30 minutes and I can't study anything else right now...let's have a Halloween re-cap!

Halloween 2007:
It was a good Halloween. The first time the dynamic duo (that would be myself and my roommate) introduced ourselves to the world. We were:

A wee leprechaun and a pot of gold!

Halloween 2008:
Another good year. We started coming up with costume ideas back in March. After going through several possibilities, we decided on synchronized swimmers. Let me just tell you, we stopped at Sonic on the way to a Halloween party because they had .50 corndogs. Our waitress could not control herself she was laughing so hard. All of the other patrons were dying as well. I could hardly keep it together myself. Actually I lost it entirely when we went to the grocery store to get pita chips and dip. People were doubled over laughing, mostly because we were doing everything together: walking in step, pointing to things on shelves together. I remember nearly being sick in the parking lot afterwards because I could not stop laughing. Also I think there may have been applause when we showed up at the Halloween party. Plus, some random family stopped us in the street on the way to the party house and took our picture...I hope I never run for office.

And this year...well. You'll have to wait and see. It's going to be pretty good, I think. If people get it. Probably not as crazy as last year, but still good.

2009-10-27T14:40:00.003-05:00

I feel silly writing this, but in the hope that I will overcome it by putting it out there and feeling silly, here goes:

I have a massive crush on Nathan Fillion. And I blame Ryan. Since the first time I ever watched Firefly, I have had a small crush on Nathan Fillion. Nothing serious you understand. But then last night he goes and revives Mal on Castle, and the little patter in my heart turned into a gallop. So thank you, Ryan. For introducing me to Nathan Fillion.

A little Sunday Afternoon Project

2009-10-25T16:02:00.004-05:00

Last Friday as I was walking home from the bus stop (it was the most beautifully perfect day ever and I could not have imagined driving to the bus stop on a day such as Friday was!) I saw a sign for an estate sale and a garage sale. I, of course, knowing my roommate called her right away and told her about it. After I dropped my stuff off at the house we walked back up the street to the estate sale. I have to tell you, I think I have a new hobby. I love estate sales! They are so much cooler than garage sales. And while I know that they happen because someone passes away, I try not to think about that aspect of it and consider it more direct second-hand shopping. I found this table in one of the many treasure filled-rooms:

This afternoon instead of working out I decided to go to Lowe's and buy some paint and supplies. I found this really great color called Woodlawn Valley Haze by Valspar. I was torn between two colors, but this one is one of the National Trust for Historic Preservation colors, and since I'm a sucker for history and this table is super old...well, you can imagine how I ended up with Woodlawn. It took me about two hours to sand it and get two coats of paint plus touch-ups done, but now it looks like this:

I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out!

Double no-no's

2009-10-18T11:59:00.003-05:00

Hm.

Just "hm." That's how I feel right now; just waiting to see how things turn out.

-------------------------------------

Friends, I do not do drama. Ever. And I shy away from confrontation like it's the horrible, more dastardly wickedish step-sister of the black plague. You dig? We do not go well together.

But today there have been both things: two no-no's in my world, if you will. I'm still feeling the adrenaline and stress that are collecting in my shoulders and neck. I love that God loves the wayward ones. He not only loves them, he would leave the ninety-nine to go after the one. I should know, I've been that "one" before.

The highlight in this situation is that God answers prayers. And He answers them quickly. You ask for a way, and he will show you. Like a divine "aha! That's what I need to do" lightbulb moment. It won't be easier than doing nothing. BUT our weakness allows God's strength to be exercised in a way that is downright near impossible when we're standing in the way. That's what I'm counting on, because I plan on getting out of the way.

Maybe like a Square with rounded edges, or, On a bicycle built for two

2009-10-07T21:30:00.005-05:00

Most Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I walk by one of the coolest guys I've ever seen. Not really. But sort of.

See, he tends to wear short shorts and shirts that are a little on the tight side, which are not at all on my list of must haves for a mate. He also wears those 80s glasses that people wear even though they're not prescription (the ones my roommate lovingly refers to a pedo glasses). But he rides a tandem bicycle around campus with a harmonica and sometimes a boombox and offers free rides to class.

Amazing? I think so.

And what's even cooler is that people take him up on the offer. Like Monday, for example. He crossed right in front of my path. And as I was walking away smiling at his tie-dye headband, some kid goes "hey, man! Can I get a ride to the Co-op?" And tandem bicycle guy was like "Sure! On the Drag or one of the others?" And he sounded so much like a game-show host that I smiled a little wider and chuckled. It was then and there that I half-heartedly vowed in mock seriousness to myself that I would get a ride to my class at some point this semester. I'm ridiculously scared of riding a tandem bicycle because I am so prone to accidental happenings that I would not for the life of me want to risk someone else's safety...But tell me a ride to class on a tandem bicycle is not awesome!

Okay, so I may never actually get a ride to class, mostly because my building is really not all that far away from where we cross paths everyday and I like the walk. Also, he's one of those hipster people who automatically intimidate me because I'm sure they are judging my squareness.

Although I don't think I'm full-on square, but I'm more square than hip - that's for certain.

This. Is. WAR.

2009-09-24T18:06:00.004-05:00

As someone who has dealt with mostly acute acne since the age of eleven, may I just say "I've had enough!"

And that's what I said last night after washing my face and once again being confronted with the never ending battle in the mirror.

And when my roommate got home, that's what I said to her. "This is WAR! No more!" and she was all "um, what?"

So I did over an hour's worth of research on the internet last night, came up with a few new options I haven't tried, and then went to Whole Foods this morning.

Here's the new regimen:

Kiss My Face Start Up Exfoliating Wash

and Kiss My Face Olive & Aloe Moisturizing Lotion

Also I read somewhere that for adult acne you should stay away from salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide treatments. Which I already knew because they are both bad news for my skin. However, you can try using products containing sulfur. Resorcinol and sulfur are usually paired together and I found favorable reviews for Clearasil Adult Acne treatment, which is sulfur based. So, today was day one. Hopefully this will work. I plan to still use my St. Ives Apricot exfoliating face wash, because I love it, but also because my face seems to like to be exfoliated to within an inch of its life occasionally. Anyways, I'll be letting you know if this new regimen works or bombs. I know I'm not the only person in the world who struggles with it and I also know that it helps to know what works for other people.

I'll get around to posting Colorado pictures soon. If we're facebook friends you should have seen them posted already. I do have some favorites though which I'll share here.

OH! And we got a third roommate recently. Kara (new roommate) and I re-arranged the house on Tuesday while Marianne was out of town on business. I think I like it. It's hard to say because it's all of the same old furniture just moved about. However, I do like the new spatial layout, feels more open or something. Eh, you'll just have to see it. =)

That was a quick turn around!

2009-09-03T09:24:00.003-05:00

This is from the God Calling book, for today, 3 September:

"I am your Savior. Not only from the weight of sin, but from the weight of care, from misery, and depression, from want and woe, from faintness and heartache. Your Savior.

Remember that you are living really in the Unseen - that is the Real Life.

Lift up your heads from earth's troubles, and view the glories of the Kingdom. Higher and higher each day see more of Heaven. Speak to Me. Long for Me. Rest in Me. Abide in Me. No restless bringing Me your burdens, and then feverishly lifting them again and bearing them away.

No! Abide in Me. Not for one moment losing the consciousness of My Strength and Protection.

As a child in its mother's arms, stay sheltered and at rest."

Did I not just write this: "...I try to lay things at the feet of Jesus because I know that he can take care of them and myself in a way that I never will be able to. But sometimes I turn around and run back picking things up like it's my load to carry. It's not. If I surrendered it, then I need to let it lie there and resist the urge to pick it up and worry over it," YESTERDAY?!

It is amazing to me the number of times that book has applied to exactly what I am dealing with. Last week I was being hugely selfish with my time and not wanting to drive someone somewhere because sometimes they just discourage me too much. I don't read the book everyday, maybe every third day and catch up on the ones I missed. I caught up on the days a few days after my day of selfishness, and the entry that would have been for that day or the day after was "Give, give, give. Unconditionally. Give of all you have" (paraphrased). Do you ever just get a response from God that quickly? Clearly I was out of line in my behavior, and he was not slow to make me aware.

Just a tick-tock

2009-09-02T15:09:00.002-05:00

About a week ago I went and saw the musical Wicked with some friends, for the third time, may I add. It's just so exciting knowing that people are about to experience one of the best shows they've ever seen. I always get so giddy when I think about the first time I saw it in London. With the original cast who recorded the CD. I just like to throw that out there. Yes, it's part pride, but also I just like to remind myself of the awesomeness that happened on that stage with Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth. Wicked is just so clever and brilliant and hilarious! It's a beautiful, beautiful thing and I highly recommend it.

I've been thinking, as I so rarely do. Remember this post? It amazes me how quickly I surrender my joy to another and pick up a burden that is no longer mine. I try to lay things at the feet of Jesus because I know that he can take care of them and myself in a way that I never will be able to. But sometimes I turn around and run back picking things up like it's my load to carry. It's not. If I surrendered it, then I need to let it lie there and resist the urge to pick it up and worry over it.

IF I am who I say I am, then when will my actions match that? I know it's a process of sanctification, but sometimes a big part of me (that part that always fails, ha!) wishes there was a bippity-boppity-boo moment where the rags are turned into a nice, flowing, white ball gown (little Cinderella reference). Why do I let others question what I know to be true, take advice that doesn't adhere to what I feel God is telling me in my heart? I wish I could get over peer pressure. It's not time for me to start looking for a job yet. How do I know that? Because when I pray about it I don't have peace about it yet, about the job search process that is. I have peace waiting. For now. Now that I've laid it back down and stopped fretting.

Speaking of frets, and this is way off topic, I keep wishing lately that I hadn't quit trying to learn the guitar. One discouraging word from someone and I was too embarrassed to pick it back up. And then I moved to London, and then my brother took it to Chicago, and then it went to UofH with my other brother, and now it resides in Canada. Someday, maybe I will try again. But not the self-taught method because clearly that wasn't working. Ha!

I'm headed to Cypress for the Labor Day weekend. I'm hoping to get my quilt tops quilted before I go to Colorado (in 10 days or so!). I'm also hoping to get my hard drive wiped clean and then re-install some stuff. The number of viruses on this little computer is astounding! It's still working, but it's super slow due to the new anti-malware/virus protection I changed to.

And TEXAS FOOTBALL starts soon! I do so love me some college football! Though I'm definitely a watch it on TV kind of girl. The view is just so much better. But there's something to be said for a live game, I will give you crazies that much.

Roman Calvary Choirs Singing

2009-08-31T21:09:00.003-05:00

Friends,

I have great news. I have finally, finally purchased my all-time favorite movie.

On sale at HEB tonight there it was, sitting pretty on an end-cap display. Waiting for me. And I did not hesitate to drop that pretty little thing right in my basket. Actually I was on the phone with my dad and I got real quiet and I think I whispered "no way. Dad...this is a momentous occasion. I am finally going to buy my all-time favorite movie."

And then I ended up forgetting half of the things I actually went there to buy. No worries though. I have finally begun to start the collection of my all-time favorite movies. And here they are, in case you were just dying to know!

The Saint
The Thomas Crown Affair
For Love of the Game
The Notebook
And there's one more but I'm forgetting it. I'll go ahead and add the new Star Trek in its place. Because I'm geeky like that.

In the Air

2009-08-31T15:08:00.003-05:00

Do you smell that?

Ahh, it's wonderful! New pens and notebooks, textbooks, novels, bookstores. It's time to dust off the old brain and begin a new semester of college.

And I think I love it.

Actually what I really love is getting organized. I love planning everything out and marking things in my calendar. I like figuring out a schedule and laying out books in the order they need to be read. Just makes me happy.

There's something about the hustle and bustle of a busy campus that I enjoy too. Of course, don't get me wrong, there are days where I am loathe to rub shoulders with one more frat boy or run up another three flights of stairs (because I don't want to be that one person that everyone judges for taking the elevator).

So far, so good though. I go up six flight of stairs twice a day Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I'm hoping that at least by October I won't be huffing and puffing quite so much. And the calf/thigh burn actually is quite nice. Feels like I can get a work out and go to class all in one go. No more trading one for the other. Ha!

But there will always be a fight between class and sleep. This morning I woke up at 7:03, 7:26, 7:48, 8:03, and for the last time at 8:24. I can't help it. I have two alarms; both of which stay on the other side of the room and I just go back and forth between my bed and my desk turning off alarms, practically asleep before I fall back into bed each time. Mornings are a beautiful thing! That's why I wake up so many times. I just want to relive it over and over.

I'm pretty sure I told you all about my Professor Snape. I've started a list in my notes keeping track of the new thing he hates each day. If you recall the first of the list is 'women and believers.' Now it also reads: children, Scots, Welsh, pirates. Today he finally just owned up to it and said "I hate everybody if you haven't figured it out yet. Don't take it personally. So many people do. I just don't like you." And I thought, "Finally!" You have to read that in Snape's tone of voice to get the full effect:

I don't think you have to watch the whole clip to get the picture; the first 40 seconds works well enough!

We also begin every lecture session with a loud, hearty bark that begins deep in the old man's cigarette tarnished lungs and comes forth as a gravelly growl. Then he coughs, says "ALRIGHT you lot. Let's get on with it. (pause) HISTORY of Rome. Now that's a fair topic, wouldn't you say? Easy to sum up, is it? WRONG! Not much is known about the origins. BUT let's begin. That's why they pay me now, ISN'T IT?" (Capitalized words are shouted). He is a riot! I think I may actually like his old curmudgeonly self in the end.

In my British Novel in the 20th Century class we've been watching a film about D.H. Lawrence, author of Sons and Lovers which we've begun reading. The film is hosted by Anthony Burgess (author of Clockwork Orange) and is hilarious though it's not meant to be. He waxes poetic about many things, and condemns women for being lazy during the 20th century while the men go to the coal mines. If he had even read D.H. Lawrence's Sons and Lovers (which was based on Lawrence's life) he would be fully aware that women do, in fact, work themselves nearly to death.

But I digress.

I just spent $221 at the bookstore today. That's the part I always hate about new semesters. I've bought about 22 or 23 texts. And that's the other part I hate about new semesters: staring down the reading lists and realizing that I will spend the next five months being bogged down with mandatory reading assignments.

Bright light on the horizon! I'm about 95% sure I'm going to Colorado for a little vacation. I am ecstatic! I love road trips. And I love Colorado. I remember going on trips with youth ministry when I was in the ministry and then as a leader. The bus/plane/train ride was always the best part for me. Once we got to where we were going I was ready to turn around and go back. That's the best part about traveling anyways: the getting there.

Notes

2009-08-26T13:23:00.003-05:00

These are the notes I took on the first day:

26 August 09
E379S Poets & Punks: English Culture After 1945
Professor Nehring => enemy of modernism & Master of Tangents
"Why uselessness is a virtue" tangent
Beatles are irrelevant because they were "nice guys"
Rolling Stones => anti-Beatles
"Bloody Mick Jagger" #1 curse word in 70s in Britain(?)

26 August 09
HIS 321M: Rome through Death of Julius Caesar
Final Wed 9 Dec 7-10 pm
Professor Morgan => Dumbledore SNAPE IRL (in real life)
Hates women and believers. Great.

Be jealous. Be very jealous that you are not in these two most interesting/awkward classes.

Wyldwood & Quilt-top #4

2009-08-25T13:49:00.006-05:00

This weekend my roommate and I went to a show at this venue called Wyldwood. It is such a cool place. It's someone's house (Andrew & Amy) and they use their backyard as the venue. The deck is the stage with twinkling lights wrapped around the trees, although I guess they don't twinkle. There's a suggested $10 donation; people bring lawn chairs or blankets, a bottle of wine, appetizers or whatever you plan to eat and the hosts provide hot dogs and usually s'mores. They haven't had s'mores the last few times because there's a burn ban in effect, but hopefully later this year they will.

I love this place.

It's so quaint and slightly magical. I love the atmosphere and the fact that a bajillion people aren't there, talking over the music. Usually just roommate and I go, and it's really fun. This past Saturday Danny Malone was playing. He's not one of my favorites, though roommate loves him. However this past week he redeemed himself in my eyes. It probably helped that he was hammered and hilarious and I had just eaten the most amazing dinner of chicken potstickers and stone ground wheat crackers with goat's cheese paired with a Fresca sitting on a picnic blanket under a starry sky with twinkle lights in the foreground. What can I say? I'm classy like that. Please excuse my camera phone.

Yesterday (technically last night around 1 am) I finished my fourth quilt top. I think it's my favorite. I need to see about getting my mom to quilt it the next time I'm in Houston. I'm ready to take it on my next picnic/Wyldwood visit already. I should invest in a real camera; the colors are so much better in real life.

Classes start tomorrow. Wicked at the Bass Concert Hall Thursday. And Michaela and Megan are hanging out in Austin this weekend! Michaela I'm so excited that you're coming to visit!

Oh. My. DANG

2009-08-21T01:25:00.003-05:00

My friend Kara just introduced me to this thing called Take Away Shows. Basically, the organizer invites different bands to play in weird places - alley ways, restaurants, streets, etc. Most of the videos seem to be in Paris. He connects them to a microphone and achieves the most amazing sound quality. What you see them singing in the video is what they're singing right then. Phenomenal. So so many of the bands are ones I love: Bon Iver, Guillemots, Vampire Weekend (the audio on "Kids Don't Stand A Chance" is unreal!) Sufjan Stephens, The Kooks, and Jason Mraz even did a few videos (which truly showcase his talent. Sometimes I write him off, but then I remember his concert I went to years back...the guy can sing).

Two of them you must absolutely, absolutely watch. Absolutely.

First one is Arcade Fire. No joke, they get in an elevator and one guy is ripping pages out of a magazine to create...just an awesome cohesive sound. This video is particularly long, but worth it. Did I mention they were IN an ELEVATOR?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-5XK-2Ufd4

AND! If you've seen the Where the Wild Things Are trailer and wondered what that awesome song was, they perform it at the end of the video. If you just want to watch that part (don't be lame watch the whole video) you can jump to about 8:50 right before they start. Sigh, I would have loved to have been there. I have it playing in the background right now. So. Good!

The second that you must see is Sigur Ros. And if you've never heard anything by Sigor Ros....it's like you're experiencing something spiritual. They're an Icelandic band and it's just too beautiful to describe. I, mm, honestly just love Sigur Ros. Que belle!

Sigur Ros - Við spilum endalaust - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

http://vimeo.com/3814849

So, let me just make it easy on you: Take Away Shows: All Artists Personally, I think you should view the French side of the website, but I just like French, so don't stress yourself out trying to translate things.

I hope that link works. If it doesn't, google "take away shows"

Love this song

2009-08-17T19:54:00.003-05:00

Listen to the Dark Side by Charlie Mars

It's a good song. Listen to it. Haven't watched the video so I can't vouch for what it's about, but the song is good.

Did I mention the song is good? Or did I mention that I finished my class this morning? Or that I'm TWELVE hours shy of graduating? Did I? Well, shoot. Let me tell you!

Also, happy birthday to my roommate! Off to El Chilito for tacos and beer (or soda).

Proper Oreo Etiquette

2009-08-16T18:56:00.005-05:00

Is there such a thing? I was just on a study break to eat dinner and realized that I could follow dinner with a few Oreo's for dessert. As I was eating the first one I wondered if there was a proper way to eat an Oreo. The first one I just straight up dunked in my soy milk (which, if you haven't tried soy milk: it's wonderful); the second cookie I opened up with the intent of getting all the icing on one side, licked the icing off, stuck the cookie back together and then dunked it in milk; the last one I opened up, ate the icing and then dunked each side in separately to prolong the goodness that is Oreo. But my question remains: is there a proper way to eat an Oreo? How do you eat an Oreo? Does it matter? Has my brain begun to melt with the influx of Arab history material?

I feel the answer to all of these questions is: I don't know.

Maybe I will one day explore and formulate a thesis that analyzes a person's personality by the way they eat their Oreo's. I have feeling that those who don't consume Oreo's are going to score extremely poor.

And for all of my hard work I think I will reward myself with one more Oreo. Because hey, twenty-four hours from now I will only be 12 credit hours away from being an alumna. Six years in the making. Holla! And Hook 'Em!

2009-08-12T17:36:00.006-05:00

Here's the quilt top I started last weekend. It's not completely finished - I still need to put borders on it. But the blocks are all assembled and put together. My camera phone doesn't really do it any favors, but the colors are a lot brighter in real life.

And, when I moved my sewing machine and sewing table up this past weekend I found the first two quilt tops I ever made.

I can't remember which of the two I made first...probably the green one, maybe. I know I was living in Huntsville at the time so it was between three and four years ago. I love sewing. I wish I had my mother's eye for color.

Quick Home Visit

2009-08-10T21:51:00.005-05:00

This past Friday I drove to my parents' house in Houston for a short visit. They're leaving to go on vacation next weekend so I wanted to see them before they left and I had a few things to pick up/drop off as well. While I was there, my mom and I picked out some fabrics for a new quilt that I'm making.

I'll upload a picture of the quilt top once I finish it. The pattern is called "Turning Twenty" and you may have guessed this, but it requires 20 different fabrics. The blocks turned out to be a little dark after assembly, but when I cut them down to size I cropped the darker fabrics out so it's not quite so masculine looking. I also bought fabric for another quilt pattern that I'll start soon after the first quilt top is completed. I'm really excited about that quilt because I love the colors we found. Hopefully I'll have some time this weekend after my final.

Speaking of class, I can't believe this session is almost over. I have a paper due Wednesday and a final on the 15th, which is Saturday (!!!). Today class was canceled which was a wonderful blessing because I seriously needed to catch up on some reading and some sleep.

I carried my kayak down with me this weekend too, think I mentioned that last time. Here's a picture of my dad kayaking. The ducks were a little bewildered and I think my dad got a kick out of following them around.

After my dad tired himself and the ducks out, I got in for a spin around the little lake. On my way back in I heard the fountain turn on...you better believe I turned right around and paddled through the fountain/under the spray until my kayak had taken on about as much water as I felt comfortable with. SO. MUCH. FUN! The water was incredibly dirty though and smelled pretty foul - there's a large-ish duck population. But did I mention that it was ridiculously fun?

Good Gravy and a side of Melt-Down

2009-08-08T16:01:00.004-05:00

If you're reading this on RSS feed, get yourself over to my actual blog and check out the new layout which cost me 6 oz of sanity and a good night's sleep. I used a custom blog template and then changed EVERYTHING. See that purple navigational bar? It was lobster red and not meant to be customized. I printed out the codes (17 pages worth) and read until I found the right code. There was a lot of trial and error, but it was worth it. I re-acquainted myself with Photoshop (forgot just how awesome that program is) and re-familiarized myself with html too. I'm a proud mama! If only I could figure out how to tweak the header so that it stretched further across...

This morning I took my dad and my kayak to one of the neighborhood lakes so he could try it out. I think he really enjoyed it. I took some pictures on my phone; I'm trying to figure out how to get those off the microSD card and onto the computer. I'll work on it. I feel like I'm catching up with technology today!

I've also been working on a quilt top since I've been at my parents' (just since yesterday afternoon). I'll get a picture of that too. Now ask me how much reading I've done and how much progress I've made on my paper? Ah, oh well. There are more important things in life. Like family. And I love mine.

'Punks & Poets' sounds good doesn't it?

2009-08-06T22:11:00.002-05:00

I don't ever really commit anything to memory. Just now I was presently surprised when I (re)discovered the classes I'm taking in the fall. In no particular order:

History of Rome: The Republic
British Novel in 20th Century
U.S. Foreign Relations, 1776-1914
Senior Seminar - I'm pretty sure this is: British Punks and Poets, English Culture after WWII... or something like that.

Should be really interesting. 12 hours left after this summer session ends next week. What on Earth am I going to do come December? Ideas?

Also, I'm going to need the heat to go away. My flower garden is wilting. Very sad. And oh yeah, it's a zillion degrees in our house. So a cool front would be nice too. Just saying... =)

2009-08-05T22:00:00.002-05:00

Can anyone help me with my blog? I designed a new header today, but A) I did it in Publisher and it will probably have to be re-done in Photoshop, and B) I'm going to need to reformat everything else too to match. I've forgotten all the coding stuff that I used to know. Suggestions?

Gypsy-soul

2009-08-05T16:07:00.003-05:00

I might need to move to Colorado or somewhere in the Carolinas or even Seattle. I have a semi-estranged aunt and uncle and several older cousins who live on the coast of North Carolina near the Outer Banks (love, love, LOVE the OBX area). Perhaps they would let me visit for a while.

Mostly I just need a road trip with my kayak. Not a trip in my kayak, mind you. I wouldn't get very far. But a trip with my kayak where I can get into some new waters.

There's a possibility of going to Colorado in September. You better believe I've considered my kayak as the one thing I desperately want to take along , right after my memory foam mattress. However, it would probably be a huge inconvenience to everyone along on the trip so I will undoubtedly leave it at home.

Just know, however, that I have begun to itch for a new adventure destination and it most assuredly involves my little boat.

We are the Clay

2009-07-28T02:21:00.007-05:00

In open fields of wild flowers
I breathe the air and fly away
I thank my Jesus for the daisies and roses
In no special language
Someday I'll understand:
The meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray:

I want to fall in love with You

It seems too easy to call You "Savior"
Not close enough to call You "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
To show my devotion...

The Prodigal God

2009-07-25T13:43:00.004-05:00

You are all, big and small
beautiful and wonderful
to trust in grace through faith
but I'm asking to taste...

For dark is light to You
depths are height to You
Far is near, but Lord, i need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

I feel like the weight of the world is all crashing down on me. And some how I just don’t believe this is how it is supposed to be. And all this expectation on the way I’m suppose to live becomes my minds distraction, with nothing left to give. You said your burden is light and your load is no more. You said your ways are right and in you I would soar. I want to be free: free to dance and free to sing, free to live and love and free to be me. In you I’m longing for some peace to be found. I know the heaviness that’s making me cold is stealing my youthful soul and making me old;
I want to be free.

There is a book by Timothy Keller called "The Prodigal God" that I am really interested in reading. I almost never buy books but I am really intrigued by this one. You can find an excerpt from the book at the website: www.theprodigalgod.com. I also really want to read this book that Lauren told me about months ago: Radical Womanhood, maybe... Lauren, what's the name of that book? (P.S. I just found a birthday card that I wrote to you, I don't even know how many years ago, but I plan on sending it to you this year, Ha! I'll, um, write a new message =) Just kidding, I'll send it with a new one.)

I just, hm, have been feeling difficult lately. Like I'm wrestling with something, but for the life of me I don't know what that something is yet. My introverted side has been rearing its ugly head lately. I'm also willing to bet this is why I've been getting sick so frequently the last few months; there is a massive internal struggle that I can't put words to and therefore can not bring to light. And who knows how long it's even taken me just to realize there is something brewing. Worst of all (I think), it's sapping my joy.

There are days I wish God had made me differently. I know people who can easily seem to be able to diagnose themselves and their issues so easily and BAM! they're on to the next thing. It always takes me months and it involves a knock-down-drag-out war. But I don't second-guess Him, because I know I'm this way for a reason. I just find myself really annoyed with myself. I just laughed out loud at that, but it's true! I pity the man God has for me (there's an "if" statement lurking there). Really. So... just waayyy in advance: "Honey, I'm SORRY."

On a completely different, un-related topic, I have been really disciplined about working out lately for the first time in my life! Yeah-yuh! This means I have a good routine going on. Also, if anyone is looking for podcast sermons, I've been love, love, loving Matt Chandler's series on Luke from the Village Church in Dallas. They're available, free, on iTunes.

Une chanson

2009-07-23T11:34:00.002-05:00

Just heard this song. I love the video, too! So creative...

Also, wasn't I just sick? Yes...yes I think I was. I distinctly remember there being fever and a wheezing cough with sore throat and lastly, an inhaler. I've picked up a sore throat again within the last two days. =/ I have the weakest immune system. I don't think I used to get sick this easily. It's just been within this last year. Also yesterday I spent 5 solid hours in my car. FIVE. 100 miles, didn't go further than Elgin, driving someone around. Not exactly my cup of tea, but hopefully it will have paid off and a job will come through.

Unintentional picture post

2009-07-21T01:43:00.012-05:00

This post just changed three times. Sorry for anything that doesn't make sense.

London playlist:
New Shoes - Paolo Nutini
Naive - The Kooks
New-York New-York - Ryan Adams
Don't I Hold You - Wheat
Where Does the Good Go - Tegan & Sara
Ding Dong - Nellie McKay
Last Request - Paolo Nutini
Ooh la - The Kooks
Ice Age - Pete Yorn
The Sad Waltzes of Pietro Crespi - Owen
Life is Beautiful - Ryan Adams
Girls - Nizlopi
A Bird in Hand - Owen
The Man - Pete Yorn
When the Stars go Blue - Ryan Adams
Sing Around It - Nizlopi
BHFH - Hem
Bad News - Owen

Also check out "I Wish I was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers in My Hair)". It's by Sandi Thom. I have no idea where it came from, but it appeared on my ipod one day when I was living in London. All of those songs are ones that I discovered while in London. Also, Lemar's album "The Truth About Love" is pretty good as well (a bit lovey dovey). I heard about him from an ad in the underground one day.

Buckingham Palace (I've seen the Queen! And it was a magical moment.)

This picture is from my Christmas present from Adam and Ellen. We saw...

Wicked! Best surprise gift ever!!

(Sad sigh) One of the girls from the bible study I used to co-lead with Lauren (several years ago now) is studying abroad in London right now. It kills me to look at her pictures. I am beyond jealous, I am in the realm of heart-literally-aching-with-teary-eyes for that place. It just makes me sick, I miss it so. Someday I'll venture back (again). It was nice when I went back for my brother's wedding.

Oh, bless. I miss that city....

Fotos

2009-07-14T18:43:00.005-05:00

My brother Patrick and I did a mock photoshoot with one of my best friends Michaela on Sunday. Jump on over to her blog to see a few photos: michiheart.blogspot.com (Apparently I'm link illiterate). I think we did way better than I expected. I have this nervous twitch thing where any time I'm in front of a camera for posed shots, I get this tick in my right cheek. I always end up trying to bite the inside of my cheek, or turning my head for a minute to relax my face and then try again...but it usually fails and the pictures are awful. I think I was just comfortable enough around them both that it wasn't so hard.

Here's a little taste:

Thanks, Michi! I had fun!

Addendum

2009-07-08T02:11:00.003-05:00

Also! Guess who has a birthday in ten days?! Woot!

And, I feel that I may need to clarify my last post. Did it come across as though I don't believe in free will? Because I do believe we have the choice to obey or disregard. I also believe that because I choose to obey, God's plan will be executed in my life, whatever mistakes or choices I make; God will use them for his glory. Do those thoughts conflict? ...Not sure. I have a hard time with predestination/whatever beyond that, so I'm not going to say more because it's one of those mysteries that I do not feel enlightened enough to talk on. And at the risk of confusing myself, I will stop there.

Also, my phone randomly lit up just now, and it has really given me the heeby jeebies. I am 100% scared of the dark and not afraid to say it.

It is Well with My Soul, pt 2

2009-07-08T00:44:00.005-05:00

So much for going to bed early!

I just had a moment. Remember the last time I had a moment? Well, this was a different moment.

This was a "I'm not going to panic. I won't have a panic attack...This is not a panic attack...I am going to stop panicking. Right. Now. Stop it" kind of moment.

On the rare occasions I allow my mind to wander into the darkness that seems to be my future, I tend to freak out. For so long I have been thinking, "Don't think about your future. Graduation is far away. So far. Focus on school. You'll be in school forever."

Friends, graduation is a mere five months away. I have been in school for ages now (only six years) and it is shocking to realize that the end is near. Perhaps it's time to start thinking of what the future is going to look like. Perhaps I should make a list, scour the internet for job ideas, something!

But I have no ideas. I have no idea where to start. I have no aspirations to climb any ladders. I think I would very well die working a typical desk job. I've had two very different desk jobs, and I think I did suffer and lose a little part of my soul at each. Not saying there is anything wrong with desk jobs. There are different jobs for different people. I respect those who can sit it out at a desk under those God-awful, migraine inducing florescent lights . I happen to believe that I am not one of them.

But I still have no ideas. And call me crazy, but I don't feel like I should start searching the internet looking for a career any time soon. In truth, I feel like doing that would be disobedient. I have been praying for growth and peace and asking for the joy of the Lord to find me wherever I am. I keep asking that God would reveal his plan for my life in his timing and in his way , and if he could not wait around until the 11th hour, that would be splendid. Mostly, I have been praying that God would help me to live with child-like faith. I have experienced several moments of joy in the last few weeks (when I say moments I mean entire days); and Blogland, if you have not experienced the freedom of living in complete joy, let's talk. I think I've seen growth in recent months and days, and I've found a peace in not knowing or understanding what in the world will become of my life. I have seen the results of praying for others with child-like faith that God can do anything, especially when I don't see any possibilities of success.

But I still have no ideas what will become of me next year. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this, but when I was about 8 or 9, I had a project that was designed to make us imagine what our life would be like in ten years. I remember crying about this project because I could not imagine what I would look like or be doing ten years from that moment. I struggled with it so much that I came to the conclusion that I must not live past the age of 18. Isn't that crazy? I just couldn't imagine myself older. So I lied on my project and said that I would be doing something boring, I can't remember what, and I felt so guilty. I carried that idea with me for years though until I eventually forgot. But then on my 18th birthday I remember being shocked that I had made it. I was so happy and a little disbelieving that as an eight year old I was incapable of seeing what my life could have been. It was just so overwhelming to imagine a life that I knew nothing about and the natural conclusion was that I wouldn't be around.

Anyway, here is the real moment I just had. I will probably never know what my life will be like. I can't imagine my life a month, six months, five years from now, because it's not my life. Whew, let me pause for a moment and digest that. If I am what I say I am, and live the way I'm called to live, my life is out of my hands. If I trust God the way that I say that I do, and the way that I wish I did, I don't need to have plans or ideas. I've got one that I will hold on to: it belongs to God.

Not that I'm devoid of desires or wishes. I think God has placed those specific things in my heart for a reason. And it's my hope that one day he will see fit to fulfill them. Until that day, I will continue to try and delight myself in the Lord: his blessings, his grace, his character, his strength and on & on.

I hate writing or talking about something like this. It inevitably means that I will not live up to it and will find the proverbial egg on my face. But I believe in grace. And I've felt God's unconditional love in the moments when I absolutely did not deserve to be loved. And I do believe that I will see God move through my imperfections and I look forward to seeing his plan revealed.

And five months from now, if I call one of you, completely losing my head because I'm graduating and haven't secured a job, will you please re-direct me to this moment? I can almost guarantee you that I will lose sight of the bigger picture and begin the death spiral of hyper-ventilation, panic, and busyness. Will you please tell me to shut up, slow down and pray? And in advance, thank you. =)

Relevant lyrics.

2009-06-29T13:34:00.002-05:00

Heard this song this morning while I was getting ready and I thought it was applicable.

Carryin' a millstone malaise
It's been pulling down your gaze
You pound the pavement
It don't give or care
This weight ain't yours to bear

Why you holdin' grudges in old jars?
Why you wanna show off all your scars?
What's it gonna take to lay a few burdens down?
It's a beautiful sound

When they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
And now you're free to fly

When that muffled sigh
Says you're barely getting by
Cut your burdens loose and just simplify
Simplify

This is not your floor
You're going higher than before
Drop the weight now
Wait for the lookout guide
Look outside

As they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
Now you're free to fly

You've gotta lay that burden down
You're gonna lay that burden down
It's time to leave your burdens in a pyre
Set a bonfire

'Cause when you lay your burdens down
When you lay your burdens down
When you drop them burdens
What a free-fall
What a thrill
Bury them all
In a landfill

"Million Pieces" by the Newsboys.
(Side note: I saw them in concert when I was in junior high [I think] in Austin, perhaps. It's a fuzzy memory, but it was on the greatest retreat trip ever. It was styled after MTV's Road Rules. The church I went with rented three or four 15-passenger vans and we did a four or five day trip of several cities in Texas. We got a clue at the beginning of each day to figure out where we were going. I think we traveled from Houston to San Antonio [picture scavenger hunt across the city with funky things to do/find (ex: human pyramid/handstands in front of Alamo)], then to Austin [each van was given a bag full of costumes and told to dress as funky as possible, then we pulled up in front of this massive church for the Newsboys concert where everyone looked normal except for us], then we went to Dallas [spent the day at Six Flags], and then back to Houston. SO. MUCH. FUN. We stayed at a church facility in each city. One of them had a skate rental so we all got skates and spent the night circling around the basketball gym. Good memory... long sidenote.)

June 09's Playlist

2009-06-17T16:57:00.004-05:00

Trouble - Ray LaMontagne
Paradise Cove - Pete Yorn
That It Moves - Greg Laswell
Dream - Priscilla Ahn
Thinking of You - Pete Yorn
Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
Girl Downtown - Hayes Carll
Long Time Nothing New - Pete Yorn
Red Cape - Priscilla Ahn
You Are the Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne
And Then You - Greg Laswell
Lullaby - Priscilla Ahn
It's A Shame - Hayes Carll
Shelter - Ray LaMontagne
Find My Way Back Home - Priscilla Ahn
Beaumont - Hayes Carll

I may open it up to a few more artists after I've looked through my ipod. But I think I like that it's limited to this handful of talent.

Sparkling Leaves

2009-06-17T12:13:00.005-05:00

EDIT/UPDATE:
You can buy Priscilla Ahn's album on iTunes for $7.99. I just did. Also, Pete Yorn's new album is out as of yesterday. I previewed some of the songs and then bought a few that sound especially appetizing to my little ears.
---------------------------------

I love this song. For more reasons than I could possibly put into words. Priscilla Ahn's voice is just perfect to me. I wish I could sing, but I really wish I could sing like her. All of her songs are wonderful, in my humble opinion; this one, "Dream," is my favorite right now though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI

Here's a video someone created for the song:

It's just one of those songs that makes me long for something. I'm not sure what exactly, but I think it's something like never wanting to lose that child-like sense of wonder. I feel nostalgic. I want to remember what I dreamed about when I was a little girl. (Truth be told it was probably about playing pro-soccer or being an artist or traveling the world). All of which I would still like to do, though I definitely lack the talent that I once thought I had.

Not to go all deep and brooding, but I've been struggling to find passion again since I've been sick (over a year ago now! Still feels like last month). Sometimes I think I've just been emotionally shut down to things. I've seen things and heard things that I know should move me or impress some degree of awe or wonder in me, but I don't feel anything. I'm scared to pray for God to re-open those gates or to show me something awe-inspiring - I don't know if I could handle it. Unless it was something spectacularly simple that just blew my mind wide open. I'm scared that He'll show me something huge-

That's stupid. Can I not trust Him to show me exactly what I need? Does He not know me, my needs, my tolerable upper limits? I don't think I'm emotionally dead (as my roommate jokes, she calls me a robot; e.g. the other day I cried about something and she suggested that perhaps I was developing a soul - not funny, by the way. I just feel wired differently since I was ill). I've thought about painting something recently, but I don't have the first clue what to paint. I was really getting into water colors before everything happened. Maybe one day this summer I'll try again. I'll put a date to it:

One day between this weekend and the next, I, Emily Kaitlin Burnham, will put brush to paper. Consider that electronically signed.

And if I fail to comply and show evidence, anyone who quotes this to me has my authorization to collect $20 by any means necessary. However, if you punch or harm me in any way, I reserve the right to return the favor and deny you the $20 and in return charge you a fee based upon my discretion.

Just kidding! You may not collect $20, but I will keep my word.

I title this one: Woe is me!

2009-06-10T15:18:00.003-05:00

If you can't handle TMI, or close to TMI, don't read this one. I'm working on another post in my head so maybe just wait for that one.

I don't know what it is about that special time of the month, but it seems as though some of the worst things gravitate to those few days of intense mood swings and emotional/hormonal chaos. In addition to the awful physical goings on (and I win every contest of worst PMS symptoms), do I really need to be a basket case too? I mean - really? It just seems like the world is ending at least once a month. This week it was car issues, cramps, crying over stupid things, cramps, car issues and crying. Honestly. And I know that some of the things are stupid and not worth crying over, but I can't help it: the world is ending.

Last Thursday the van I've been driving overheated and started smoking. The radiator was completely dry when I checked and it wouldn't hold any water. I left town at 4 am Friday so I couldn't deal with it until I got home Sunday. Sunday when I got home it was too late to do anything.

Monday was the most frustrating day. I don't know what the issue was, but the mechanic I wanted to have the van towed to would not answer their phones (I called 6 times throughout the day) and they didn't return my voice mail for over 24 hours. Needless to say, they lost a potential customer who would have been paying a lot for car repairs. I still just don't understand why it was so difficult to find a mechanic and have the thing towed. In summary, I cried. I was so frustrated. But I did find a mechanic and it was towed and taken care of. After the frustration though, everyone has a recommendation for a mechanic now. hmph

Today I went and picked the van up (Thanks for the ride, Anna!) and the A/C doesn't work. I nearly cried on the way home. I have zero tolerance for heat - it just makes me sick. Add that to the cramps and the overall feeling of world termination... I stopped and bought some sorbet and some things for dinner. I know it will all be ok tomorrow or the next day, but seriously...sometimes (once a month) I wonder how much easier it must be to be a man.

Like a flu shot, eh?

2009-05-26T17:41:00.002-05:00

I went and saw [one of] my orthopedic specials today for my shoulder. I ended up being there for about 3 hours. Not that I saw anyone for about two hours, but I caught up on my Texas Monthly magazine reading (woot). X-rays showed nothing, which didn't surprise me at all, but the PA and Dr. M think there might have been some swelling in the Bursa sac which was causing the popping/grinding and all around annoyance.

Word to the wise (or unwise, however it may be), if a doctor recommends a shot to one of your joints and compares it to a flu shot, do not believe them. Dr. M pulled this move on me last year when he tried to drain fluid from my shoulder. He made me cry. And I called him a liar. So today, when he suggested an injection and I asked how much it was going to hurt, and he responded that it was comparable to a flu shot, I didn't believe him. However, I agreed to the injection because I'll try anything for relief at this point. But when he came back after the nurse had set up the stuff and told me that I should remember this from last year when he tried to drain my shoulder, I completely called his bluff and named him a liar. He laughed and asked me if he had just told me the same thing as last year, laughed again, and then proceeded to numb my shoulder and jam a four inch needle deep into my shoulder joint. Fun!

Not. So. Much. But already I can tell a difference and hopefully it will fix the problem.

Also, did anyone else watch the Bones marathon yesterday? I think it's one of my new favorite shows. Sealy and Temperance are the best.

Type rest of the post here

Thank you Dr. Steinman!

2009-05-20T12:10:00.004-05:00

CAKE UPDATE:
The cake, IMHO, was delicious. It actually tasted like a really good sugar cookie with champagne flavored icing. Will definitely be making again!
-----------------------------------------

Let the Waiting Game begin!

I like and dislike the end of a semester. I think the 'likes' are obvious: no more school for three weeks; I can sleep in until whenever; I have the time to read whatever I choose. Just a bunch of little freedoms that make me quite happy for about four days and then I'm bored because I don't have anywhere to go and everyone I know is working.

The 'dislikes' should be pretty easy to guess too: no more classes to meet people; no new challenges; I become bored far too easily. But there's one more: the Waiting Game for grades. I try to limit myself to checking only twice a day: Once in the morning and once at night.

So far it's looking like a B semester. Which oddly enough, is what I expected. I didn't put too much in this semester and I'm reaping what I sowed. With the exception of Nutrition. I say this in complete truth, I should have failed that class. I calculated my grade last week and knew that at the very most I could expect a D. It's not that this class was overly difficult. I should have failed this class because it was 98% memorization, and I can not remember anything for beans. Or if, by some miracle, I manage to memorize something one day, the next day when I try to recall it, I've mixed it up completely and all of the associations I trained myself to remember are very disassociated. Top it off with total test anxiety and perhaps you will see my predicament. Can't. Succeed.

But friends, somehow, somewhere my nutrition professor managed to find enough points to give me a C. And I just have to say that I'm fairly flabbergasted. I know what my grades were. There's no way I earned a C. Maybe she checked the rest of my grades, saw that I was an English major with no future in medicine or nutrition and she felt like she could give me a C. I have no idea. But I am grateful that my GPA is not going to take the hit that I had originally expected. So, thank you, Dr. Steinman. I will think of you fondly as I sell my book back to the bookstore.

Also, I made a pink champagne cake yesterday from this magazine. I haven't tried it yet since it's for bible study tonight, but the batter was really quite tasty. It's pretty labor intensive though. I only read the first few lines of instructions and the ingredients list. I probably would have chosen something else had I realized, but it was worth the experience.

Off to ride my (stationary) bicycle.

Overhaulin' the Blog

2009-05-17T19:51:00.003-05:00

Goodness, click below

Woo! See that link action? I just spent over an hour trying to figure out how to change the html to allow me to do that. Also, I changed my blog design, which took a while (do you know how long it takes to look through all of the millions of templates out there?). All in all I've been sitting on the couch working on my blog for the last two hours at least (including previous long post).

I don't feel like I've done much today, but I have, Blogland, I have. Stop judging me.

Also, guilty pleasure starts tomorrow: the Bachelorette! Check out this blog: ihategreenbeans.com to read her recaps/commentary on the show. It's what got me started on the show in the first place. Usually pretty funny, sometimes a little harsh, but worthwhile nonetheless.

High Praise from a Harsh Critic

2009-05-17T19:41:00.004-05:00

I'm fairly obsessive about writing well thought out and well-written essays. This last semester has been particularly hard for me for two reasons.

A: My Shakespeare professor really values proper writing skills and beautifully written papers. One of his main goals is to improve students' writing while they are in his class. And friends, he is not afraid to give feed back and criticisms. (Plus he's British so sometimes his biting comments really sting.)

B: Each paper we've written has had to have two drafts. Both of which we email to him and he emails back marked up with his comments and revisions. This hurt my pride. So much so that after the first paper I would begin to hyperventilate anytime I saw that he had emailed a paper back to me. Waiting for Word to load so that I could scroll down to the bottom and read his comments before scrolling through the paper and looking at all of the inserted comments was pure hell, I tell you. My roommate will attest to this.

So this afternoon after church I checked my email and saw that my final paper (which was only a one draft paper) was sitting in my inbox. I was nearly sick. I have wanted to vomit every time I've seen his email with my paper attached, but this time I was really worried. So I started freaking out, roommate started laughing, and I waited while Word opened.

Friends, today is a glorious day! My adrenaline actually started rushing when I read his comments. I may even copy and paste my whole paper because I am that overjoyed. These were his final remarks about my paper:

Emily: a dynamite paper in terms of subject matter, use of sources, and clarity of style: journalistic in absolutely the best sense of the term. I could have perhaps done with – and would have enjoyed reading – some kind of response to the jingoistic use of Shakespeare from his own words that so often work against rabid nationalism, but this does not take away from your achievement of producing a fine and finely nuanced piece of work. Well done indeed: A.

Holla! I will live off this little bit of praise for the next several days while I figure out what jingoistic means.

It's like a vacuum

2009-05-12T20:09:00.004-05:00

This dialogue just happened while I was making dinner and thinking about nothing:

"Dear Brain,
Please start paying attention to what we're reading. We get tired of reading the same thing 4 dozen times because you're not comprehending the words on the page.

Sincerely,
Eyes

p.s. If you could make a conscious effort to stop clenching Jaw, I think we'd all be a lot happier..."

"Dear Eyes,

Shut it! I can't help it if I don't understand glycolysis or can't memorize the essential amino acids or what the heck thiamin and niacin are for. Also, it would help if you would stop glazing over while I'm trying to focus on the page.

Love,
Brain"

Aw, love little insights into the inner workings of Self. It's so happy in here.

Childhood

2009-05-04T19:29:00.002-05:00

So it turns out that whenever I am uber stressed I start singing random songs from my childhood.

Examples:
Alouette
She'll be coming Around the Mountain
Cuckabura Sits in the Old Gum Tree
3 different songs from Sound of Music
It Ain't Gonna Rain No More
...and some others that I have currently forgotten

I would love to blink and then open my eyes and POOF! It's Friday and I'm on my way home for Mother's Day/Mom's Birthday weekend and we're about to go watch Star Trek.

*le sighe*

Soon enough it will all be over.

Things left to do:

Russian History Final - Thursday
Shakespeare Research Paper - due Friday
Nutrition Exam - Friday
Nutrition Final - Wednesday 13 May
Folklore Final - Thursday 14 May
French Final - Tuesday 18 May

Summer session starts 4 June.

Favorite Song Right Now

2009-04-23T15:20:00.002-05:00

Spoon - Underdog

Loves loves loves it

Also, Imitrex and Dr. Hull may have just saved my semester.

Early Christmas Wish

2009-04-21T09:27:00.003-05:00

I would like a brain transplant of only the right hemisphere, please. Out of the last 8 days, I have had a migraine or a major headache, six times. Chronic migraines are no fun and I have been so irritable and mean that I'm pretty sure no one else is enjoying it either.

INFJ, what that looks like

2009-04-16T09:37:00.002-05:00

If you've ever thought to yourself, "Man! I just don't get that Emily. What is going on in her head?!" Then don't fret, you're not alone. I, too, often ask myself the same questions and friends, I'm in my own head. It's confusing. So after a little test taking and research, I've found this nice summation in someone else's words that describes me pretty well. I've highlighted the parts in bold that particularly apply to me.

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

A loanword from German: a strong desire for or impulse to wander, to travel and to explore the world.

2009-04-14T23:01:00.003-05:00

Have you ever experienced wanderlust?

It's aggravating, is what it is. There's this desire dwelling deep within my soul to find someplace that I've only envisioned in my dreams. It's ennui, this boredom or complacency, that seeks to be remedied, sitting way down in my gut. It drives me to seek out adventure. It pushes me to go somewhere new.

When I was in high school I didn't understand what it was. But when the desire came I would get in my car and start driving West on 290. I would get to Hempstead, go to the fresh fruit and vegetable stand, buy something, turn around and go home. That was enough then.

My sophomore year of college the feeling was different. More intense. I had been working 35-40 hour weeks on top of going to school and I was going to break. I stopped school for a semester, packed up and moved to London. Just like that. That was enough then. I was satisfied.

Now I've got roots. I'm pretty happy. But I can feel the same thing building up way down in my spirit again. I'll probably start looking for little things that are exhilarating, something to quench it before it gets too big. Crawfish festival and live music this weekend. Maybe kayaking with the aunt and uncle or bible study group the next weekend. Last weekend I almost just took off North on 35. I can't remember what stopped me, but maybe next time I'll just roll with it.

Can you have roots and wings? Seems like one or the other has to give. Are my roots too deep this time? Or is the desire to go stronger? Strong enough to uproot me? I even like having roots. I just hope that they're flexible enough to stretch for a while.

Another question, is there something else that causes me to start feeling this way? Am I too relaxed in my pursuit of God? Is there something unsettled in my spirit that makes me grow so restless? Will I always have to deal with this feeling of wanderlust every few years? I'm not convinced it's a bad thing. It seems like I've moved every two or three years for the last 10 years. I expect the change. I welcome the change. I grow restless without it.

I expect I know something is going to change. I'm worried about life after school. I have no plan. No idea what kind of jobs to start looking at. The more that people ask me what I'm going to do, the more I realize I'm headed straight for a quarter-life crisis. Yes, I'm an English major, history minor. No, I don't want to teach. I don't want a typical job. Had one, it's not for me. What do I want? Only God knows... and I try to trust Him. I know he's got a plan. Am I scared because I have no inkling about what it is? Abso-freaking-lutely. Will He wait until the last minute before revealing it? Absolutely again. There's a chance I'll move back to Houston in December. I know that. I could be ok with it in the future. Right now all I can think about is how miserable that would be. Michi, I don't know how you do it.

But, can I leave Austin? I don't honestly know. It's really the first place I've claimed as my own, or rather: it's claimed me. I feel more at home here than in Houston. I just need a big adventure, a little adrenaline kick to subdue the greater need to move onward. I think I want to stay in Austin. But the big unknown world is calling my name. There are so many things I want to see. I can't imagine settling in to life and not ever seeing them. It's like the portion of my brain allotted to vision and visual memories is saving these framed empty portraits for things like: the Grand Canyon, the white coast of Greece, the Valley of the Kings, the Great Barrier Reef, Stonehenge, parts of the Roman wall in Scotland, Brazil, Lake Moraine, the Straits of Magellan, Victoria Falls, my first safari, a glacier in Alaska, penguins in California, the first time I wake up on a boat in the middle of the ocean and see nothing on the horizon, the French Riviera, Portugal, a humpback whale, Disney World with grown up eyes. You get the picture. There's a lot of blank spots in there waiting to be filled. I can't stay still and not see those things. I can't even imagine... I need to be a travel guide. How do I get my own show?

Good Lord, I'm a mess.

April what?!

2009-04-03T11:24:00.002-05:00

Is anyone else just blown away that it's April already? APRIL?!

I'm just amazed at how fast the time flies by. It always feels like I start a week and then BAM! it's over and Friday is happening again and the weekend is gone in a flash. It's a little frightening.

Can I just give a little shout out to my main man upstairs for this A-MAZing weather?! Hells bells people! It's April and it is stunning outside! I hope it holds up for any amount of time because I want to take full advantage of it. Tomorrow I'm going to the Veloway (which is a skating/bicycle trail in South Austin, just for skates and bikes) and I'm pretty excited. I need to find a way to fix my skates though. I'm also contemplating kayaking at some point this weekend, I need to see if my aunt and uncle would be up for that. AND, I have had the most overwhelming urge to fly a kite. I'm not even sure I remember how and I definitely don't own one, but if we have another good windy day anytime soon I'm going to high-tail it to the nearest REI or Target or some place and buy a kite.

I feel like cleaning the outside of my house, but I think I'm going to hold off and give yoga another shot first. Then lunch, home depot, maybe a little gardening.

By the way, I planted the front bed about a week ago after I dug out that cactus and the bush things that were growing. It will look pretty awesome if the SUN EVER SHINES ON THAT SIDE OF THE HOUSE. I think they get about 10 mins of sun in the evening. Kind of pitiful. I better go water while I'm thinking about it...

Flamingo Watching

2009-03-26T15:35:00.005-05:00

Wherever the flamingo goes,
she brings a city’s worth
of furbelows. She seems
unnatural by nature—
too vivid and peculiar
a structure to be pretty,
and flexible to the point
of oddity. Perched on
those legs, anything she does
seems like an act. Descending
on her egg or draping her head
along her back, she’s
too exact and sinuous
to convince an audience
she’s serious. The natural elect,
they think, would be less pink,
less able to relax their necks,
less flamboyant in general.
They privately expect that it’s some
poorly jointed bland grey animal
with mitts for hands
whom God protects.

-Kay Ryan

Little man, I've had a busy day!

2009-03-25T16:14:00.002-05:00

My neighbor probably thinks that I don't do anything during the day besides go to class. I know she thinks my roommate doesn't even have a job and that she just sits at home all day. Or she did think that until she was corrected with the truth today.

Anyways, I've been busy today even though I'm not technically working. (It does annoy me when people assume I do nothing. Just because I take a nap to renew myself does not mean I am lazy.) Case in point, today I went to class. I skipped my Nutrition class at noon because lunch was making me feel weird. (Also Aunt Flo is ruining my life and I felt like lying down and there were no empty spots in the sleeping lounge in the Union.) So, I took the bus to my street and then hiked the quarter mile home, chatted with Roommate for a bit, did a bunch of yard work for the third-day in a row, unloaded the dish washer, re-loaded the dishwasher, wiped down the counters and stove, bleached the sink, cleaned the living room, manicure, pedicure, planned dinner, went to the grocery store and now I'm going to spend the next few hours before bible study reviewing for my French exam on Friday, reading a book about Stalin and cooking said planned dinner. Then, after bible study I think I am going to figure out which 20-line portion of one of Shakespeare's plays I'm going to analyze for my paper that is due on Monday. So! ...There. I may only go to class half a day but I do a lot of stuff with my free time.

AND! Not to embarrass him, but my friend just made this comment about Nathan Fillion in 'Dr Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog' and I thought it was hilarious.
subdub: I am jealous of Captain Hammer's butt. :P

I can remove that if you want, but since almost everyone who reads my blog doesn't know your real identity and I altered your screen name, I think it's safe. ;)

I have a list of questions from another friend's blog post that I'm going to attempt to answer next time I get a few minutes to sit down and think about it.

Also, we're thinking of painting our house. Color suggestions?
Also, also, we're thinking (Roommate and I) of starting a video blog. Name suggestions?

Watch & Love, people. Watch & Love.

2009-03-25T12:00:00.003-05:00

Part One.

Part Two.

Part Three.

Elle est adorable

2009-03-18T13:46:00.001-05:00

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Detox

2009-03-18T00:46:00.002-05:00

Let me preface what I'm about to say with: The last two/three days have been a ton of fun. The girls in my bible study and I have watched Lost, had half a bajillion really good conversations, walked 5.5 miles in one go, watched movies, and experienced what I think of as real fellowship: eating and living together and obeying (or trying to) God's word.

But!

I am not a people person. It wears me out to spend so much time constantly surrounded by people - Sunday through Tuesday night (12 am) with the same group of people in my house all. the. time. Love them a lot, but I need solitude. Time to regroup, renew, all that.

Blogland, I am really looking forward to spending a lot of quality time gardening in my parents' backyard over the next 2 or three days or however long I decide to stay in Houston. I'm also looking forward to some time with my family. We generally have a pretty smashing time together. But I fully plan on spending the next days outside pulling weeds while everyone else is at work.

And can I also just say that I have really enjoyed not being on the internet the last few days? I plan on continuing that trend. It does stink though, because I hate talking on the phone and email is so much easier to deal with. And if you're not checking emails people start calling you... =/ Life is so hard. (You know I'm kidding right?)... (But just about life being hard. I really do hate the phone.)

Mmmm

2009-03-12T16:05:00.002-05:00

This morning I suddenly found myself in line at Starbucks. And while I was thinking, "Wait, I have class! I don't have time to stand here," my feet propelled me to the counter where the barista said, "What can I get for you?"

And I swear I tried to say "How long have I been standing in line and what am I doing here?" But instead it came out as: "I'll have an iced grande caramel macchiato" and my brain went "What?!" and my mouth said "Please."

It was in that moment that I knew:

"Hi. My name is Emily and I've just become addicted to caffeine."

It is well with my soul

2009-03-12T00:00:00.002-05:00

I just had a moment. This exact time last year was a Tuesday/Wednesday. And this moment exactly 365 days ago I was lying in a hospital bed praying and pleading with God that if this was going to be the end of my life that he would just take me and not make it drag out any longer because I was done. The phrase I used was "I'm finished fighting." I remember beginning to cry and wishing that someone would wipe the tears off my face because my joints were arthritic and swollen and my body was toxic and I couldn't raise my arm to do it myself. I remember thinking, "God, truly your will be done because I don't know what else to do," and that was the last coherent thought I had for the next 3 days. It was a Tuesday. And the next twelve Tuesdays after were all some of the worst Tuesdays of my life.

But God showed me that He is faithful. And God showed me that His hand is not too short to deliver. And God showed me that his will is good. And it is pleasing. And it is perfect.

And I cried a lot. And I was angry for a little while. And I just plain did not understand.

But God showed me through my brokenness that His provision was perfect.

And even though I felt like the world was moving on while I was frozen {literally, with swollen shoulders and no range of motion; and the pain in my back so intense that I could not get out of bed by myself, wash my hair, face, hands, or eat by myself},

God showed me that His strength is perfected in weakness.

And His love is abounding. His timing? Flawless.

I have night-horrors every now and again where the memories of pain and frustration are so real that I wake up crying. Sometimes the fear is so strong that my mind recreates it and my back will begin to tremble with spasms. I fear it. In the last 365 days there is not a single one I can remember where I did not remember the last year.

But then I have a moment, and God just says, "Beloved, Who am I? Did I not carry you through that? Did I not fulfill my promises? Did I forsake you though you doubted me? It was My hand. It was My will. I am. I will always be."

And then I remember. And I can lay down the burden and the fear. I can walk by faith because it was He who taught me. Is it appropriate to raise an Ebenezer here? Let me declare, "Look what God has done. God and none other."

None other.

Oh

2009-03-07T22:24:00.002-06:00

It makes no sense to cry over a little fish that I haven't even bonded with, but I just noticed that his little eye is infected and it breaks my heart. What the hell do you do for a fish with an infected eye???

I actually thought he had already died, but he's a trooper. Oh, the hell, where do you buy fish eye medicine? Seriously, I will pay money if it will fix his eye and he can live a little longer...

Poor Jean-Luc Poisson. This day just gets better.

Oh, what if his eye pops out??? I can't believe I just thought that.

"MariANNNNE!!"

Because I am AWESOME

2009-03-07T06:55:00.002-06:00

Really, Blogland. There is no other word for the extraordinary talent I have for attracting hurts, illnesses, and general chaos.

I have had a crummy night of sleep. Why? You may ask yourself. Because my foot had a run-in with someone's knuckle (completely my fault and I have absolved him of any guilt). But said foot has not stopped hurting and when I got up to brush my teeth, I found that I can now put zero weight on it. Awesome, right?

I know.

Hopping is apparently not my thing, especially with all of the little steps in our house. There should be a cardio workout called "The Hop." Oh, I guess it's called jump rope. But I hopped/crawled to the freezer and borrowed a bag of Roommate's frozen spinach and am hoping that helps. We'll see. C'est la vie!

Today it has been one year since I was ill

2009-03-05T15:42:00.003-06:00

I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased

I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had

And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me

I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth
Of knowledge and peace

But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love

And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me

I believe you are good and righteous
You've given me your reckless love
So be near, be near...

Be Near Me Bethany Dillon

Lusting

2009-03-04T17:03:00.004-06:00

I have been driving myself crazy wishing I had this car. I mean, look at it! It's a sexy vehicle. And I never say "sexy." But this is. I just keep wishing one would show up in my driveway. I know the chances of that are impossible to the 6th degree because not only am I not working, I'm sitting on some pretty nice student loans. But my A/C no longer works in my current SUV, and hells bells people! It's hot outside now! Hotter than the devil's drawers as my Grandma Cook would say. The heat is just making me wish for something new because I don't want to drop $800 to fix the A/C that I have already invested a pretty penny in twice before. And I know that $800 is a lot less than purchasing a new car. I know that, but it doesn't help. I'm not a very rational person. I'll get over it, as soon as I actually get on over to the Toyota website and check out the price tag, which I'm not going to do because a woman should be allowed to dream of whatever she wants. And weirdly enough I dream of a ridiculously good looking SUV.

2009-02-24T09:24:00.001-06:00

Flu: 1, Emily: -6 (ft)

2009-02-22T17:25:00.004-06:00

Oh bleh.

Moral of the story: Do not trash talk the flu. It will find you, and it will take you down. And you will wish that you had gotten that free shot when you had the chance.

My roommate just told me, "You sound like death."
Thanks, pumpkin. I feel like it too.

So I am trying to stay hydrated, medicated and keep the fever below 100. =( And I will continue to lay on the couch and watch Battlestar until such a time that my body does not ache and my skin is not on fire. Or until tomorrow morning when I jump at the chance to go to class. Woo

So help me, if I cough one more time...

2009-02-21T03:55:00.003-06:00

It is nearly 4 am and I have yet to sleep a dog-gone wink. I don't know what has settled in me, but I have not stopped coughing for the last, oh I don't know, 5 hours? At least? I know I got ready for bed early since I was feeling especially wimpy all afternoon. I read an entire book between coughing spells. Not a good one, but several hundred pages... I think I may have finally choked down the magic number of cough drops though because this last one is actually starting to work. PTL!

Home has been an interesting mix of fun and awkward. I'll leave it there...

I did get to see my favorite Andrew and my favorite Michaela this evening for coffee. Love them. It was nice to reconnect with old friends. Old as in "still current", but we go way back. Michaela, I write this like you don't read my blog. I know you do. I'm glad I got to hug your neck and spend some time with you! Maybe in my next entry I'll pimp your photography website...

I just used the word 'pimp.' It's beyond time for bed. Delirium is setting in and now we all know who will be sleeping most of tomorrow ::points:: It's me, friends. It's me.

Double Post Today

2009-02-14T10:03:00.002-06:00

Because I'm feeling the love this morning (and I'm avoiding my Folklore paper...)

Here are two good songs:
Ray LaMontagne (I'm about to buy his album)
"You Are the Best Thing"

Queen "You're My Best Friend"

And one to grow on (thanks Ihategreenbeans):

Marianne and I are going to hi-jack some of the dance moves from this video for karaoke back-up dancing tonight...

Happy Hearts' Day

2009-02-14T09:33:00.004-06:00

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 1:24-25

Paranoid?

2009-02-09T14:01:00.003-06:00

I just received a voice mail from my doctor. He said that everything came back normal so far. Excellent news! But it doesn't explain why my back has been so irritated lately. Maybe now I can start concentrating on other things like the French exam I forgot about. =/

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Maybe. I like to think I'm being safe rather than extremely sorry.

I made an appointment today with a doctor here in Austin to address my low back pain. Actually it's right where my kidneys are and I have no other symptoms other than feeling off and out of sorts. This is exactly how things last year started, and truth be told I'm not exactly excited about the possibility of going through last year again. I've thought maybe my kidneys are just infected from a UTI, except that everything else is fine, just like last year. It's probably a long shot that this is a repeat. And it's highly likely it's mostly in my mind, but again, I would rather be safe than sorry. And if I'm not safe and I'm going to be sorry then perhaps it's better that I know sooner rather than later...

So my appointment is tomorrow and I'm meeting my parents for dinner tonight in Brenham to pick up a copy of my medical history. I should already have one, but I always forget to ask. It's fascinating to read through it, when you think of it as someone else.

Hilariousness Ensues

2009-02-06T12:32:00.002-06:00

I'm not a cat lady. I also really like dogs and lots of other kinds of animals. What I really want to say, is that this made me lol (for real).

Also, you know what's cool about living on this side of town? When you stop to fill up on gas two men walk out and wash your front and back windshields and then beat a hasty retreat before you can offer to tip. Not that I carry cash anyways. But if I did and they had stood around I would have offered. They don't offer that over on East 12th. Actually it's been my experience that if you're approached by two men over there you had better be the one making a hasty retreat. Much love for ya East Side!

And if you're not watching the Office, you should be!

"I couldn't see you there behind that grain of rice. Roasted!"
"I couldn't decide between a dumb joke and a fat joke. Roasted!"

Bear With Me

2009-02-03T21:52:00.004-06:00

First, you know what rocks? Waking up and having flowers blooming right next to my bed. I mean RIGHT next to my pillow. Love it! Doesn't matter that I bought them myself, it is a glorious gift of God to wake up and be face-to-face with His majesty. He designed each and every one of them, knowing that I would buy them and put them next to my bed and be filled with a simple joy because I know they came from his hand. So neat! You know what else I love? I was just trying to remember the name of the flowers (Alstroemeria) and the common name is Peruvian Lily! If you know me at all, you should know that lilies are my favorite flowers. I've always called them by their Latin name and always loved them but never bought them, so it only fits that they're called Peruvian lilies.

Secondly, after J-L Poisson's encounter with June Bug, he is doing perfectly fine. His little body is so intricately formed...it's fascinating to watch him.

Thirdly, I love Bethany Dillon. I think she has some really wonderful songs. If I bought music, instead of listening to Pandora all day long, I would buy her album "Sing Over Me: Worship Songs & Lullabies." Some of my favorite songs are on that album I think.

Fourthly, I have been so convicted over my attitude lately. This could be an entire, long post in and of itself. I want to love others and be a woman full of grace and peace, love and encouragement. I've been working on this, or rather God has been working on this in me. It's not fun, but I've realized that I use sarcasm too often with intentions other than trying to be funny. I absolutely use it as a defense mechanism...Or maybe it's offensive...whatever it is, I use it to keep people out and sometimes I make a preemptive strike. I don't want to do it all. But while God is working this out in me, please have patience. It is amazing how quickly I get uncomfortable not having sarcasm as a sword or shield and I tend to revert back to it when I reach a certain point. These changes are progressive...

Lastly (maybe), I have really been trying to define what the heart of a servant should look like. I've realized that being a servant means giving up certain comforts and wishes. It also means giving our all in whatever we do. If I'm waking up a little earlier to help out with 3 year olds, then I need to be committed to being there with my whole heart doing whatever I can to help out the teacher as well as teach the kids about Christ. (Not saying I do this, I'm usually checking the clock every 8 minutes). Or if I'm helping someone on a one-time basis then I need to work as though I'm being paid the very highest amount possible and not make a half-assed effort. Someone really ticked me off the other day when they did a really poor job on something and their excuse was "If they want free labor, they're going to get free labor." No! No, I re-did their job and tried to do the very best I could without spending too much time thinking ill of them. It deserves everything that we can pour into it because we're representing the hands and feet of Christ. Don't do something in God's name and do it half-way. No! Do it with joy in your heart knowing that you are administering God's love to someone who needs it. Do it knowing that you're not serving just another person, you're serving the King of kings and Lord of lords. Leave your selfish motivations at the door, stop looking for recognition. Get your heart right and then get involved. And THAT, taking ownership and investing in the church and becoming part of the body, is something that needs to be addressed. Honestly...I don't even know where to start so I'll leave it while I think about it. But people can't complain about a group if they're not willing to commit to it and do something about it. No whining if you're not willing to make changes, myself included.

And now, I will hop off my little horse which is standing on its little box and go to bed.

2009-01-30T16:08:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about God's sovereignty and holiness. Mostly I've been considering the way that I am and feel in His presence. And then I wondered: at what point did I put God in my pocket and call him my homeboy? I treat my relationship with God as something that is so very casual. I throw shout-outs to Him throughout the day, for instance "Hey God, it's me again. I need ________" or "Can you ______", and that blank can be filled in with any number of things; things that I should ask for his provision or guidance on. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a regular prayer life, because he wants to bless us and give us every spiritual blessing, but when I communicate with him and wait on him, my attitude is all wrong. It's like becoming too familiar with someone and forgetting who they are. There's no sense of reverence for him in me. I feel like there are several popular praise and worship songs that mirror my same attitude.

I wonder if part of it comes from our society. We don't recognize anyone as being sovereign over us. I tend to think the president is an average guy that we could sit down and have a beer with. There's no fear or awe associated with anyone I know in this country.

Jesus gave us an example of how to pray:
"Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen. "

I tend to skip the first 5 lines and jump to the part where I ask for his provision. I neglect to remind myself of who it is I am talking to. I want to know God and stand in awe of him. I also want to be a good steward of my time and stop making plans apart from his will. That I were able to do the things I know to be right!
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On a completely different note, I bought a fish today. Just a little crown-tail beta. His name is Jean-Luc Poisson II. Or, je vous presente le deuxieme Jean-Luc Poisson, le roi d'eau. Il est jaune et magnifique. Mais il est mort presque aujourd'hui quand June Bug a essayé de le manger. Mauvais chat! (He is yellow and magnificent. But he almost died today when June Bug tried to eat him. Bad cat!)

Also, Michaela, I would just like to say that I have had your blog open for a while listening to your playlist. I love it! And you my sweet friend! When are you coming to visit?

2009-01-25T21:15:00.003-06:00

I thought this was hilarious:

Peyton Manning gives advice

23 January 09

2009-01-23T07:24:00.001-06:00

"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." - Psalm 91:1

Please pray

2009-01-21T22:46:00.002-06:00

Please keep Kristin Francis and her family in your prayers. She had surgery today for a brain tumor. It's a serious, life threatening situation. The last unofficial update I heard was that the surgery was not as successful as the doctors hoped. We're asking for a miracle.

Probably Similar to That Time I Saw the Queen...

2009-01-20T15:01:00.008-06:00

"Notice the speed of the motorcade:

No faster than a grown man with a gun can walk."

Nice.

There's a lot of excitement out there today. My first class was dismissed early so that my professor could go home and watch President Obama's inauguration.

Obama just got out of his car in the parade to walk and people are losing their minds...

An article which my Uncle brought to my attention:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/article2141868.ece

Oh, for the Love

2009-01-18T18:02:00.007-06:00

Oliver, one of my roommate's cats (the one on the right), is standing on me right now, kneading my muffin top. I wish he knew how rude it was to point out people's trouble areas. It is a little inspiring though. I gained 8 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's. Eat much? Just saying... Also, funny story. When I was working at The Write Touch (a stationary, gift, and wedding invitation shop in Houston), a woman came into the store after lunch one day and began the longest stream of one-sided conversation I have ever heard. I walked through the store with her and went back and forth to the front counter to set her things down. When I began to ring up her sale, I kid you not, she reached across the counter and put her hand on my stomach and asked me how far along I was... I honestly...just could not find the words to tell her anything. I am rarely completely speechless, but homegirl just let all the air out of my balloon in one swoop. It wasn't even a question, just an assumption that I was. And she touched me! Reached over a barrier and put her hand on me. Is there an unspoken rule about strangers being able to touch pregnant bellies? I wasn't pregnant, just for the record. And I'm not a big girl, so when I gain weight it shows every time. I went to the backroom after she left and did a quick evaluation. My co-worker was doubled over, breathless, and crying when I told her what happened. I was not amused. I can laugh about it now, but I still don't ever wear that blouse. Too bad; it looks good on the hanger.

I want to paste the last two devotionals I've read (yesterday's and today's) from God Calling. It's my roommate's copy so I don't read it consistently. But if it's lying around I'll scoop it up. If you've never checked it out, I highly recommend it. It is Holy Spirit breathed and inspired and I take something away from it almost every time.

January 17:
"Silence. Be silent before Me. Seek to know, and then to do My will in all things.
Abide in My Love. An atmosphere of loving understanding to all men. This is your part to carry out, and then I surround you with a protective screen that keeps all evil from you. It is fashioned by your own attitude of mind, words, and deeds, towards others.
I want to give you all things, good measure, pressed down and running over. Be quick to learn. You know little yet of the Divine Impatience which longs to rush to give. Does one worrying thought enter your mind, one impatient thought? Fight it at once.
Love and Trust are the solvents for the worry and cares and frets of a life. Apply them at once. You are channels and though the channel may not be altogether blocked, fret and worry corrode, and in time would become beyond your help
Persevere, oh! persevere. Never lose heart. All is well."

January 18:
"Pray daily for Faith. It is My Gift.
It is your only requisite for the accomplishment of mighty deeds. Certainly you have to work, you have to pray, but upon Faith alone depends the answer to your prayers--your works.
I give it you in response to your prayer, because it is the necessary weapon for you to possess for the dispersion of evil,--the overcoming of all adverse conditions, and the accomplishment of all good in your lives, and then you having Faith, give it back to Me. It is the envelope in which every request to Me should be placed.
And yet "Faith without works is dead." So you need works, too, to feed your Faith in Me. As you seek to do, you feel your helplessness. You then turn to Me. In knowing Me, your faith grows--and that faith is all you need for My Power to work."

Meditate on those and take much away, my friends. And then go get the book.
I've been struggling this new year to have my quiet time. For whatever reason, I haven't worked out a schedule in this new house and have therefore been off my game, so to speak. I honestly struggle so much throughout the day when I have not spent time with the Lord. All of my awfulness comes pouring out in abundance and I end the day frustrated and chastising myself for my hateful attitude and unsettled heart. I know the cause of my frustration, but then the next day I don't take even a few minutes to converse with God. The extent of my disobedience amazes me sometimes. And not in a good way. This past week I have made a huge effort to change this and have almost established a schedule. Classes kick off on Tuesday and I think that will really help.

Holy Birthday Cake, Batman!

2009-01-13T17:46:00.004-06:00

I thought I would be a little creative and change up my blog.

I'm happy with the end result. I'm surprised how long it took me though! I need to practice html code more. I had to find a template online because I couldn't remember a lot of things. So here's my tribute to Spring, which will be happening in approximately 2.4 weeks. I love Texas!

[And I think birthday cake sounds divine right now!]

We Moved!

2009-01-13T15:47:00.004-06:00

Now that we are in our new house and our internet has finally been set up, I will try to keep things up to date! (Ha! Yeah, right!)

So, since Christmas I have been busy [with the exception of the last several days, which have been devastatingly un-busy]. Classes start again on the 21st, so I have been on vacay for about a month and a half (sigh, such a hard life. Right after Christmas I came back to Austin and started packing up the old house and moving things over one car load at a time. I think the seats in my SUV were folded down for about 3 weeks straight. I finally cleaned out the back of my car and set them back up on Sunday. The moving went pretty smoothly and then for the next week or so I unpacked everything into the new house. I hung some framed pictures on the wall in the entryway and living room yesterday so it's feeling a little more put together. I'll try to take and upload some pictures of the new house. I haven't had batteries for my digital camera in over a year (at least). We're also working on a day for a house-warming party, so if you're in the Austin area, keep an eye out for our e-vite.

Also today I tried to pull a cactus out of the ground. I didn't know it was a cactus until it was too late. That was painful. I'll probably have to dig it up along with the little berry trees that are right next to it. I'm hoping to clear the front beds out and put some flowers and maybe some tomato plants in. The front of our house needs a little spice. It is easily one of the ugliest houses on the street...but not for long!

Take care friends!

Re-dial

2008-12-26T23:35:00.006-06:00

I love Christmastime. I just love it! Love me some holiday songs, hot chocolate, wrapping presents, warm jackets, a nice fire in the fireplace, and unbiblical metaphors from pastors who make stuff up to sound good. Just kidding about that last one. That actually really irritates me. Here's what happened:

My brother and I went to the 11 pm Christmas Eve service at one of the largest churches in Houston. Doesn't matter which one, I won't be going back for several reasons. The worship leader was camera mugging way too much. He would actually look for the camera with the red light and then start playing to the camera. I hated that I kept judging him, but he was more interested in his face on the big screens and seeing himself up there than he was on the words he was singing. It was so incredibly distracting. Also, the seriousness and the messages of the songs we song were turned upside down when they were immediately followed by really silly-stupid videos that were supposed to be entertaining. The reason of Christmas was completely lost. The worst part was the teaching. The pastor was saying things and making up metaphors that I don't think can be found in the Bible. I can't remember some of the things, but I just kept thinking: "Um, hello? Have you read the Bible?" Am I wearing my "I'm stoopid" face? This is a MEGA church (I mean several thousand attenders), and this is the kind of teaching that people are receiving? No wonder everyone and their mother is jumping into a seat there. It's a sugar-coated wonderland that is full of garbage. Where's the truth? Where's the conviction? Where's the honest devotion and adoration of God? I keep thinking that maybe I should email the pastor and ask him to please explain what he said with references from the bible. I haven't had constant internet connection since I left Austin, but maybe I'll take time and do that...

On another note: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a great movie. I actually walked out of the theater trying to remember where the I was. (Answer: Brandon, Mississippi). It was just that good. I'm not even sure what was so magnificent, but it really just takes you through a good story. And for once lately, the previews didn't give away the good parts. There was also a preview for a new Gerard Butler movie. Love him.

Hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas!

Hold the phone! Another update??

2008-12-15T23:33:00.004-06:00

Today, I pulled out the big guns. The Big Bertha of kitchen blenders. All 26 lbs of it. I don't know why, but this blender is so un-believably heavy. But I suppose it's worth it. Mine is white, but this was the only picture I could find on google. I never use it because as I mentioned before, it weighs as much as a toddler. But it was a fun day. I made my Secret Recipe Peanut Butter Cookies and some Snickerdoodles that I changed up a little bit. I've never made Snickerdoodles before, but hello! These are delish. They should be making an appearance at the class Christmas party, but there is a slight chance that my roommate and I (mostly I) will devour them before Thursday ever comes along.

I know myself well enough to know that I can't leave the peanut butter cookies out. So I wrapped them up as soon as they cooled and threw them in the freezer. Those things are like crack (I'm supposing- they have a very addictive quality).

Sweet dreams Blogland.

Holla back East Side! It's ya fave girl: E-money

2008-12-14T15:32:00.005-06:00

I AM the worst kind of blogger out there. This time around it has been closer to a year since I last updated. Bad. So very bad! If I believed in New Year's Resolutions I would make updating my blog a goal. As it is, I will commit today, Sunday the Something-something of December, to be a better blogger. (Laugh now, it will be 3 months before I think of this again).

I am so very thankful for the year 2008. You could not pay me enough money to re-live it, but all-in-all, I think it was a good year. Not an easy year, you understand, but I think I can look back on it all and say that it was full of lessons, hardship, loss, and growth. I'm looking forward to 2009. It seems silly, but I'm hanging on to the idea that a new year will mean new things and that I will be able to move on. And blog-land, moving on is important. I feel like I've been standing still for so many months now and the world is moving on. But I think I'm ready to start moving now too.

SPEAKING of moving: We're moving! I think everyone knows that now because in my excitement I have told the entire world. Now that finals are over and I can detox from stress overload, I'm going to spend the next week packing and getting things ready. We're crossing over from the East side. I think I'm actually really going to miss it. It's forced me to be more aware of my surroundings and give more thought to safety. It's really not a bad area of town, just different. Actually I'm going to miss it a lot. We've had some good times in this house... We've had the chance to meet and speak to a lot of interesting individuals.

I'm also going to be baking in this next week. I was thinking that maybe I would make a plate of cookies for each house of friends. We'll see if I get that far, but I did already buy the plates, so I guess that's some incentive...

This Christmas, or after Christmas, my family is going to Mississippi. We chose to forgo the trip at Thanksgiving because we were all too busy, so we are making room in between Christmas and New Years. I'm trying to think of fun things my family can get out and do instead of sitting around watching TV while in MS. Thus far I have come up with the following list:

-Bowling

That's it. I was also thinking maybe ice skating, but I don't know if they'll have a rink out there. Anyways, something to think about over the next few weeks...

I know this post is getting long, but I was just re-reading my last post and had a few thoughts. 1) Still broke (broke) [Not really. God has blessed me. But I did end my relationship with Kanye]. 2) God is still preparing me for ministry. Even though the girls' ministry didn't work out the way we had hoped, God still worked in that and revealed much. I don't know where or what I'll be doing in the future, but I know that career-wise, I will probably do something service oriented. If God sends me back to Africa, I will probably pass out from excitement. My heart beats for that place and it would fulfill one of the deepest desires of my heart to see all of those beautiful faces and the red dirt there again.

Is it weird that I get anxious before I post something? Obviously I don't do this often enough...

I'm limited

2008-01-08T23:10:00.002-06:00

Forgive me blogger, it has no been almost four months since my last update. I am undisciplined in my updating. I am the worst type of blogger because I usually forget that I even have a blog. My reasons for this are that I keep a journal. I update that regularly and I usually have a lot to say. The idea of a public journal is a little intimidating I think. In blogland there is no 'private' option. I think I liked that about livejournal, but even with livejournal I never updated regularly. I suppose the things I feel like writing about are of such a personal nature that I don't feel secure in posting those thoughts and insecurities for all the world to see. I should keep this updated though on what God has been doing. On that I have a lot to say.

The hardest part is deciding where to start. I think I'll make a quick update about what is happening now. In summary:

1. I am broke(broke). (SN (side-note): I think I am ending my relationship with Kanye. He's foul, although his jams can be so good!)
2. God is preparing me for ministry

1. I am a poor, broke, job-less college student. Woe is me... Not. I have always thought that the amount of money in my bank account has dictated whether I was rich or poor. Sometimes I am overjoyed because my bank account seems full. Other times I am depressed and suffer from anxiety attacks because there is less that $20 in my account. What I have realized, and am ashamed to admit I didn't realize this sooner, is that regardless of what my bank account says of me, I am indeed a very wealthy woman. You see, sometimes God blesses me financially and money pours into my checking account. Sometimes God allows me to live off of mere pennies. Whatever the state of my checking account, God is always in control. He always provides, He always fills my needs. There are times when I question His will because it is financially painful to trust Him. But I can thank him throughout all situations because He is a God with a plan. And He is faithful. So very, very faithful. He is good; through the good and the bad times, He is always good.

2. My fantastic roommate and I are teaming up under God's direction and are preparing to step into ministry. It was such a wonderful part of His plan bringing us together in an unusual way. It was terrifying for a while to realize all of the things that we have in common. He has given us both a passion to work with junior high girls, and he has provided an opportunity to serve Him in our own neighborhood. This will not be easy. If I start thinking about and dwelling on the fact that I am beyond incapable of doing this I begin to panic. Because I am BEYOND ill-equipped for this. I am terrified. The glory of this situation is that I'm not supposed to be able to do this. This is where I can step out in faith and let God use me. I don't have the words or wisdom to give to these girls. I come from such a different background. It is a blessing to be able to turn to God from the start and say "ehhh, You're in control. I'm terrified, but I trust you. I'll move when you move." I will try to keep this updated because I have much more to say and I know that God is preparing to do something in a big way. I am truly excited to see Him work! To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever.