You can now find me blogging over here, on this page:
http://emkburn.wordpress.com/
Because I like it like that. For now anyway.
9 months ago
12 February 2010
03 February 2010
Almost finished
I started a new quilt this past weekend. I think the colors are a lot better in person, mais c'est la vie. There's a Super Bowl quilt sale at one of the quilt shops in Giddings this weekend. I plan to stop by both stores because a)I don't have enough of the browns to finish the sashing, and b)I decided that I need a different border and there was a great batik fabric that I almost bought last weekend, but waited because I knew there was a sale this weekend. I think this might be my new favorite quilt when it's finished. And it will be big, just the way I like my quilts. Because what's the point of taking a nap under a quilt if you can't cover up from head to toe without lying in the fetal position? These are the things I have to think of when I make a quilt.
01 February 2010
One thing
There is one moment in my life that I wish I could re-do. Ha, OK, truth be told there are lots of stupid things I wish I had never said or done, but that's just par for the course in my life. I will always say or do something stupid, and I'm generally ok with that. But there is one thing that comes to mind often that I wish I had done.
When I was working as a receptionist in London a woman came in late for her appointment one early afternoon. She wasn't even terribly late, maybe 15 minutes or so. The practitioner that she was there to see had a fully booked schedule however, and they had taken the next appointment because the patient was there early. I could tell that it had taken the woman a while to get to the clinic because the complete and total frustration of her trip was written all over her (parking was impossible and the nearest tube station was closed at the time). To make matters worse she had her baby with her (I think the appointment was for him actually) and he was screaming and crying. I remember trying to be as gracious as possible when I told her that the next patient was already being seen and there was a chance that she would have to pay for the appointment because that was company policy (a no-show fee=cost of the appointment). The woman started crying. And I still remember her face, seeing how exhausted she was from a baby with colic who cried all the livelong day. I wanted to hug her. But I didn't for fear that she would think I was some crazy, psychotic American who didn't know anything about propriety or manners. I wish I had offered to watch her baby in my office while she went down to the bathroom to get some kleenex or cry or just take a break from the constant screaming.
I think that's one of the biggest regrets in my life: I saw her need, but I didn't do anything about it. I could have, quite easily, but I did nothing. I wish I had done something more for her...I don't know why, but I keep being reminded of that episode and I just keep wishing I had done something different.
When I was working as a receptionist in London a woman came in late for her appointment one early afternoon. She wasn't even terribly late, maybe 15 minutes or so. The practitioner that she was there to see had a fully booked schedule however, and they had taken the next appointment because the patient was there early. I could tell that it had taken the woman a while to get to the clinic because the complete and total frustration of her trip was written all over her (parking was impossible and the nearest tube station was closed at the time). To make matters worse she had her baby with her (I think the appointment was for him actually) and he was screaming and crying. I remember trying to be as gracious as possible when I told her that the next patient was already being seen and there was a chance that she would have to pay for the appointment because that was company policy (a no-show fee=cost of the appointment). The woman started crying. And I still remember her face, seeing how exhausted she was from a baby with colic who cried all the livelong day. I wanted to hug her. But I didn't for fear that she would think I was some crazy, psychotic American who didn't know anything about propriety or manners. I wish I had offered to watch her baby in my office while she went down to the bathroom to get some kleenex or cry or just take a break from the constant screaming.
I think that's one of the biggest regrets in my life: I saw her need, but I didn't do anything about it. I could have, quite easily, but I did nothing. I wish I had done something more for her...I don't know why, but I keep being reminded of that episode and I just keep wishing I had done something different.
Long time, nothing new
It's amazing to me the number of times I envision something so clearly that it obviously has to be something that comes true. The few times it hasn't happened I have been so disappointed. I did this with a job recently. I had a fantastic interview and felt like it was a home run, in the bag, a done deal. It's apparent to me that sometimes I see things I want so clearly that I infer that those are God's dreams for me too. So it's hard for me to say that I didn't get the job - a candidate with IT experience interviewed after me and because of that one factor, she got the job. I keep looking at other job postings and nothing stands out to me the same way. There was a level of autonomy that would have come with the job that I was really looking forward to. But I do still believe that God has a job for me. Whatever my disappointments. I think it will be better than the job I really wanted. Keeping an eternal perspective throughout this is paramount, I think. It's a time for growth.
And speaking of growth! My quilt collection will soon have a new addition. I started a quilt top on Saturday afternoon and I should be finished with it tomorrow. I'll post pictures soon-ish. I think I'm headed home this weekend to do a few things in Cypress. My mom has the day off on Friday...and it's not like I'm really doing anything. However, if, God willing, I have a job interview Thursday or Friday I will probably postpone the trip. I do miss my Bailey though, the little cuddle bug.
And speaking of growth! My quilt collection will soon have a new addition. I started a quilt top on Saturday afternoon and I should be finished with it tomorrow. I'll post pictures soon-ish. I think I'm headed home this weekend to do a few things in Cypress. My mom has the day off on Friday...and it's not like I'm really doing anything. However, if, God willing, I have a job interview Thursday or Friday I will probably postpone the trip. I do miss my Bailey though, the little cuddle bug.
25 January 2010
Love this song
I heard this song on the way home from Tacos and Trash night (weekly viewing of the Bachelor. I call it the classiest trash tv out there. What? Stop judging me =]) I couldn't find a good video to embed, so you're going to have to look it up on youtube yourself. Dave Matthews "You & Me." I do love me some good Dave Matthews songs, though there are a lot of them I don't like too.
And since I know you've been dying to know, my hand is healing well. Slowly, but it's coming along. Today was the first day that it stayed closed all day. No blood or ooze! I consider it a triumph. The swelling has also gone down considerably in the last day or so too. I can almost touch my thumb to my pinkie again! Hurray! One ginormous leap forward for Emily, one completely insignificant, unnoticed step for mankind. But my thumb is still mostly numb; like Colt McCoy's arm, I just can't feel it. It's a strange sensation. My friend Anna, who is a nurse [don't freak out] is going to take the stitches out for me on Wednesday at bible study. That will be exciting, I'm already feeling squeamish!
Pray for me also. I'm waiting to hear back about a job. They could possibly let me know tomorrow, but it will most likely be Wednesday I think. I keep reminding myself that God is sovereign. His plans are on the eternal scale. He has a job saved for me already - no "Oh shoot! I forgot to watch out for a job for Emily!" moments. That would negate His sovereignty, yes? Sometimes it's just hard to rest in that knowledge when I can only sense the urgency for a job through my bank account. After rent and bills for February, I have $50 for groceries and any emergencies that may come up. [I just silently screamed in terror at that]. But it will be fine. I do believe that. If I have to move back to Houston, so be it. It's not ideal, but I like my family and I can live with them while I search for jobs in Houston and/or Austin. I have got to buy the new Windows 7 or something. My trial has finally run out and my computer shuts down every hour. Not so much fun if I'm paying attention. It does make me laugh because a message pops up saying "Aww, snap!" and that's all I can read before everything closes down and the screen goes black. Makes the annoyance a little less frustrating and a little more humorous.
Also you should listen to "Baby Blue" by DMB. It's a good one too.
And since I know you've been dying to know, my hand is healing well. Slowly, but it's coming along. Today was the first day that it stayed closed all day. No blood or ooze! I consider it a triumph. The swelling has also gone down considerably in the last day or so too. I can almost touch my thumb to my pinkie again! Hurray! One ginormous leap forward for Emily, one completely insignificant, unnoticed step for mankind. But my thumb is still mostly numb; like Colt McCoy's arm, I just can't feel it. It's a strange sensation. My friend Anna, who is a nurse [don't freak out] is going to take the stitches out for me on Wednesday at bible study. That will be exciting, I'm already feeling squeamish!
Pray for me also. I'm waiting to hear back about a job. They could possibly let me know tomorrow, but it will most likely be Wednesday I think. I keep reminding myself that God is sovereign. His plans are on the eternal scale. He has a job saved for me already - no "Oh shoot! I forgot to watch out for a job for Emily!" moments. That would negate His sovereignty, yes? Sometimes it's just hard to rest in that knowledge when I can only sense the urgency for a job through my bank account. After rent and bills for February, I have $50 for groceries and any emergencies that may come up. [I just silently screamed in terror at that]. But it will be fine. I do believe that. If I have to move back to Houston, so be it. It's not ideal, but I like my family and I can live with them while I search for jobs in Houston and/or Austin. I have got to buy the new Windows 7 or something. My trial has finally run out and my computer shuts down every hour. Not so much fun if I'm paying attention. It does make me laugh because a message pops up saying "Aww, snap!" and that's all I can read before everything closes down and the screen goes black. Makes the annoyance a little less frustrating and a little more humorous.
Also you should listen to "Baby Blue" by DMB. It's a good one too.
12 January 2010
Well that was certainly embarrassing
Last night there was an issue with the city’s water pipe out front. It’s more complicated to explain than its worth to the story, so just know that I ended up next door at my neighbor to the north’s house seeking out the cell phone number of our duplex mate. Our Neighbor to the North (NttN), hosts a wine tasting party once or twice a month where she educates people on the finer points of wines. And NttN knows the finer points about wine.
This was one of those nights. I knew that. I saw the cars and I knew it was one of her events. But, you see, the city was sending out a crew to work on it last night and our duplex mate’s truck was parked on the street right next to where the leak was sprung. Our NttN has never experienced a small happening – everything is a big deal. So despite my pleas to wait outside on her doorstep while she fetched the much-needed number, she ushered me inside where eight or ten faces turned to stare me down. C’est un beau moment…
Introductions were made, explanations were given; I waved, smiled and apologized for interrupting as politely as possible, though the nervous twitch I get in my cheek when I’m unprepared to be the center of attention was threatening to start. I was prepared to write the number down and scramble back out the way I’d come, but nothing is as simple as you think it will be. NttN dialed his number before I knew what was happening and I just kind of stood there in her office while she handed me the phone and walked back to her guests in the dining room.
[Insert: Most awkward voicemail message every left in the entire history of voicemail messages.]
I really couldn’t believe that five minutes could be more awkward, but have I mentioned that I’m pretty good at awkward? So in what feels like the longest 4 seconds possible I make it to the front door where I’m about to leave and be home-free, NttN wants to know what I’m doing these days. I, being clueless, tell her that I just graduated and have been searching for jobs.
She: “Oh, well congratulations! What kind of jobs?”
Me: “Administrative assistant type positions, receptionist jobs, and the like. I’m waiting to hear back on an editing internship.”
She: “Oh, well come on.”
And back to the dining room we go.
She: “Everyone! My darling here has just graduated and is looking for a job.”
[Insert odd looks and snickers from peanut gallery.]
I mean, really? Really? Then I have to answer their questions. “Is it a masters in English?” Me: “No, an undergrad.” Loud guffaws, then “Well, good luck with that!” Har. de. har. har. And the questions continued. This comment was a particular favorite: “My son was an English major, but he’s gainfully employed and has his doctorate. Surely you can find something.” Oh, there’s nothing like a snob to make you feel good about yourself. [smirk]
In all seriousness, I think our NttN was trying to be helpful. While I appreciate it, I also can’t forget how embarrassed I was. And while that’s not her fault, I really hate being embarrassed. C’est la vie…
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In other news, I tried to move away from blogger and joined wordpress. I’ve had some issues with blogger lately and wordpress allowed me to transfer all of my old entries. I was psyched, but now I can't decide if I like wordpress. I still need to figure out a few details with wordpress [formatting, uploading images/video, etc]. Also, Google Chrome is pretty fantastic.
This was one of those nights. I knew that. I saw the cars and I knew it was one of her events. But, you see, the city was sending out a crew to work on it last night and our duplex mate’s truck was parked on the street right next to where the leak was sprung. Our NttN has never experienced a small happening – everything is a big deal. So despite my pleas to wait outside on her doorstep while she fetched the much-needed number, she ushered me inside where eight or ten faces turned to stare me down. C’est un beau moment…
Introductions were made, explanations were given; I waved, smiled and apologized for interrupting as politely as possible, though the nervous twitch I get in my cheek when I’m unprepared to be the center of attention was threatening to start. I was prepared to write the number down and scramble back out the way I’d come, but nothing is as simple as you think it will be. NttN dialed his number before I knew what was happening and I just kind of stood there in her office while she handed me the phone and walked back to her guests in the dining room.
[Insert: Most awkward voicemail message every left in the entire history of voicemail messages.]
I really couldn’t believe that five minutes could be more awkward, but have I mentioned that I’m pretty good at awkward? So in what feels like the longest 4 seconds possible I make it to the front door where I’m about to leave and be home-free, NttN wants to know what I’m doing these days. I, being clueless, tell her that I just graduated and have been searching for jobs.
She: “Oh, well congratulations! What kind of jobs?”
Me: “Administrative assistant type positions, receptionist jobs, and the like. I’m waiting to hear back on an editing internship.”
She: “Oh, well come on.”
And back to the dining room we go.
She: “Everyone! My darling here has just graduated and is looking for a job.”
[Insert odd looks and snickers from peanut gallery.]
I mean, really? Really? Then I have to answer their questions. “Is it a masters in English?” Me: “No, an undergrad.” Loud guffaws, then “Well, good luck with that!” Har. de. har. har. And the questions continued. This comment was a particular favorite: “My son was an English major, but he’s gainfully employed and has his doctorate. Surely you can find something.” Oh, there’s nothing like a snob to make you feel good about yourself. [smirk]
In all seriousness, I think our NttN was trying to be helpful. While I appreciate it, I also can’t forget how embarrassed I was. And while that’s not her fault, I really hate being embarrassed. C’est la vie…
----------------------------------------
In other news, I tried to move away from blogger and joined wordpress. I’ve had some issues with blogger lately and wordpress allowed me to transfer all of my old entries. I was psyched, but now I can't decide if I like wordpress. I still need to figure out a few details with wordpress [formatting, uploading images/video, etc]. Also, Google Chrome is pretty fantastic.
11 January 2010
Bangs + Beef Stew + Bachelor
There is some thing in me that makes me act rather irrationally. Or maybe it's not irrational at all. I have a tendency to think about something for a little while and then as soon as I make up my mind, I'm ready have it RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND. Or if I'm deciding on doing something, then I want to be already on my way to doing it. Once I'm decided it's final, and I rarely go back on it.
Case in point: Last summer before going to Colorado (in the middle of a semester of school. Hi Mom!) I decided that I wanted to buy a camera. I probably spent at least an hour and a half looking online at Target, Wal-Mart and Amazon. I had a general idea of the features I wanted and once I found a camera I liked, I was ready to buy it. Why wait? There were many possible ways to buy this camera, i.e. different sites had different prices and packaging options (w/ or w/o battery, carrying case, etc). I could not wait for it to come in the mail. So before I knew what was happening, I was already standing in the electronics department at Target looking at the dang thing trying to decide if I could wait. Of course I didn't, and I ended up spending the evening learning the ins and outs of my new camera. I don't regret this. And I got some pretty fantastic pictures in Colorado!
Another instance: I often decide that I am in need of a haircut. Usually I convince myself that it can wait and maybe I want to grow my hair out fairly long. Occasionally I buy myself some time before going to the salon by coloring my hair. It's reversible, no big deal. Cutting my hair on the other hand, not so reversible and it takes ages to grow it back. My reluctance to go to the salon has stemmed from some very unfortunate do's (read: I've walked out of at least 3 salons just barely holding the tears back until I get to my car where I start looking at it in the mirror and pulling it to make it grow back faster. Horrible hair cuts are the pits!). I am loathe to visit any new stylists and would much rather drive alll the way back to Cypress to visit Amanda or the other girl whose name I always forget. At any rate, this morning I saw a new tagged picture on facebook. I decided right away that I needed a hair cut. Rather than book an appointment, I cut them myself. That is why I am now sporting bangs again. Sigh. Next time you see me tell you love them and it looks wonderful. It was one of those "What was I thinking?" "What the heck am I doing?" "Didn't I learn about cutting my own bangs in elementary school when I chopped them off to an uneven 1/2 inch long regrettable instant?" "Maybe I should work on talking things out before I just do them..."
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In other new, the Bachelor is back! My quilty pleasure of trash tv. So this afternoon I bought stuff to make beef stew. "Bachelor & beef stew" - I was going for the B's. Next week we're watching at a friend's house. It's going to be called "Crepes and Crap." Pictures and recipe for beef stew to follow when my internet decides to co-operate.
Case in point: Last summer before going to Colorado (in the middle of a semester of school. Hi Mom!) I decided that I wanted to buy a camera. I probably spent at least an hour and a half looking online at Target, Wal-Mart and Amazon. I had a general idea of the features I wanted and once I found a camera I liked, I was ready to buy it. Why wait? There were many possible ways to buy this camera, i.e. different sites had different prices and packaging options (w/ or w/o battery, carrying case, etc). I could not wait for it to come in the mail. So before I knew what was happening, I was already standing in the electronics department at Target looking at the dang thing trying to decide if I could wait. Of course I didn't, and I ended up spending the evening learning the ins and outs of my new camera. I don't regret this. And I got some pretty fantastic pictures in Colorado!
Another instance: I often decide that I am in need of a haircut. Usually I convince myself that it can wait and maybe I want to grow my hair out fairly long. Occasionally I buy myself some time before going to the salon by coloring my hair. It's reversible, no big deal. Cutting my hair on the other hand, not so reversible and it takes ages to grow it back. My reluctance to go to the salon has stemmed from some very unfortunate do's (read: I've walked out of at least 3 salons just barely holding the tears back until I get to my car where I start looking at it in the mirror and pulling it to make it grow back faster. Horrible hair cuts are the pits!). I am loathe to visit any new stylists and would much rather drive alll the way back to Cypress to visit Amanda or the other girl whose name I always forget. At any rate, this morning I saw a new tagged picture on facebook. I decided right away that I needed a hair cut. Rather than book an appointment, I cut them myself. That is why I am now sporting bangs again. Sigh. Next time you see me tell you love them and it looks wonderful. It was one of those "What was I thinking?" "What the heck am I doing?" "Didn't I learn about cutting my own bangs in elementary school when I chopped them off to an uneven 1/2 inch long regrettable instant?" "Maybe I should work on talking things out before I just do them..."
-------------------------------------------
In other new, the Bachelor is back! My quilty pleasure of trash tv. So this afternoon I bought stuff to make beef stew. "Bachelor & beef stew" - I was going for the B's. Next week we're watching at a friend's house. It's going to be called "Crepes and Crap." Pictures and recipe for beef stew to follow when my internet decides to co-operate.
10 January 2010
Craving: Satisfied
Indian food might be my new favorite food.
I can't get enough. It's just so wonderful and delicious and I think I could eat it twice a week without getting sick of it. That's just the way it is.
That's all.
Oh, also, I realllly dislike being sick.
I can't get enough. It's just so wonderful and delicious and I think I could eat it twice a week without getting sick of it. That's just the way it is.
That's all.
Oh, also, I realllly dislike being sick.
09 January 2010
And again...
My go-to thing when I'm bored is photoshop and blog design. I have updated my blog design, again. This time I created the background myself as well, not just the header. I think it will serve for the time being, or at least until I'm bored again!
I found this in my purse earlier today:
He is actually in my purse. I don't know if he thought it looked warm or extra comfy, but it was dang cute.
The job search is still on. Last week was actually nice, looking back on it. In the middle of it all though I was so discouraged. So, so discouraged. I am going to start thinking of this period as one of character building. It's really not fun having to continually put myself out there knowing that I could be rejected by these people simply because they don't like me on paper. I think applied to 9 jobs last week. I heard back from one immediately saying that they had already found someone and the job posting was old. I didn't have my heart set on that one anyway. On top of that my sourdough experiment failed and that was really hard for me. I can't actually think of anything I've failed at in the kitchen before. I may try sour dough again. But first I might try to find a different bread recipe - one I can actually make!
We're interviewing new roommate candidates this afternoon. And really that's only 2 people. The first one has already come and gone - she gets my vote. The second girl is stopping by later. We shall see which one we select, if either. It's nice to have the power in this situation - we are going to be ridiculously picky about the type of person we choose as a roommate.
I'm also being picky and saying that I'm eating lunch at Masala Wok tomorrow. I am craving Indian food. That's all I can actually think about eating right now. That's all I can think about period. Indian food, Indian food, Indian food. Mmmm!
I found this in my purse earlier today:
He is actually in my purse. I don't know if he thought it looked warm or extra comfy, but it was dang cute.
The job search is still on. Last week was actually nice, looking back on it. In the middle of it all though I was so discouraged. So, so discouraged. I am going to start thinking of this period as one of character building. It's really not fun having to continually put myself out there knowing that I could be rejected by these people simply because they don't like me on paper. I think applied to 9 jobs last week. I heard back from one immediately saying that they had already found someone and the job posting was old. I didn't have my heart set on that one anyway. On top of that my sourdough experiment failed and that was really hard for me. I can't actually think of anything I've failed at in the kitchen before. I may try sour dough again. But first I might try to find a different bread recipe - one I can actually make!
We're interviewing new roommate candidates this afternoon. And really that's only 2 people. The first one has already come and gone - she gets my vote. The second girl is stopping by later. We shall see which one we select, if either. It's nice to have the power in this situation - we are going to be ridiculously picky about the type of person we choose as a roommate.
I'm also being picky and saying that I'm eating lunch at Masala Wok tomorrow. I am craving Indian food. That's all I can actually think about eating right now. That's all I can think about period. Indian food, Indian food, Indian food. Mmmm!
04 January 2010
Lewis & Clark and Job Hunting
I have a new pet. His name is Clark. Clark lives in a plastic container, gets fed once a day and turned over at least twice a day. One day soon, this little guy is going to grow up to be something spectacular.
So what? I named my sourdough starter. Stop judging me. =) Lewis was the first starter I attempted. It failed miserably. MIS-RUH-BLEE. But I have high hopes for Clark, this time around my starter is looking exactly like it's supposed to and I'm taking that as a very good sign that I may indeed have a loaf of sourdough ready to cook on Wednesday and starter enough left over to have bread whenever we want. I'm excited!
In other news, job searching in itself is a full-time job, (read, I spent 9:30-4:45 job searching, revising cv and cover letter). Today I applied to about three different places and spent the rest of the time scouring job listings. The good news is, I found an old colleague from my days at CenterPoint Energy that is willing and excited to be one of my professional references. So that's something.
I also screwed up the first two cover letters I submitted because I neglected to omit two little words, "editing internship," when I was applying for something totally different. After much cursing and moaning in despair over things I couldn't change, I got smart. I created a cover letter template with high lighted fields that need to be changed and suggestions for information to include depending on the job. Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive.
Tracking down old managers and colleagues has not been fun. At two of the five jobs I listed, the managers and staff no longer work there. I emailed the owner of the clinic I worked at in London to ask if she would mind being one of my references, but she's out of the office until the 14th. So! I've got some more people to track down. Thankfully I bookmarked a few jobs to look at again tomorrow that I will consider submitting my resume to. I would really like to stay in Austin, but I'm not omitting Houston from my job search as a back-up plan.
So what? I named my sourdough starter. Stop judging me. =) Lewis was the first starter I attempted. It failed miserably. MIS-RUH-BLEE. But I have high hopes for Clark, this time around my starter is looking exactly like it's supposed to and I'm taking that as a very good sign that I may indeed have a loaf of sourdough ready to cook on Wednesday and starter enough left over to have bread whenever we want. I'm excited!
In other news, job searching in itself is a full-time job, (read, I spent 9:30-4:45 job searching, revising cv and cover letter). Today I applied to about three different places and spent the rest of the time scouring job listings. The good news is, I found an old colleague from my days at CenterPoint Energy that is willing and excited to be one of my professional references. So that's something.
I also screwed up the first two cover letters I submitted because I neglected to omit two little words, "editing internship," when I was applying for something totally different. After much cursing and moaning in despair over things I couldn't change, I got smart. I created a cover letter template with high lighted fields that need to be changed and suggestions for information to include depending on the job. Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive.
Tracking down old managers and colleagues has not been fun. At two of the five jobs I listed, the managers and staff no longer work there. I emailed the owner of the clinic I worked at in London to ask if she would mind being one of my references, but she's out of the office until the 14th. So! I've got some more people to track down. Thankfully I bookmarked a few jobs to look at again tomorrow that I will consider submitting my resume to. I would really like to stay in Austin, but I'm not omitting Houston from my job search as a back-up plan.
28 December 2009
Don't forget this.
We're on a last minute trip to Mississippi to visit my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I love my grandparents. I wish we were staying for another day, but I think we're headed back tomorrow. This trip is too short - we just got here on Sunday - doesn't seem right to be leaving so early. But there are things that need to be taken care of back in Texas. My truck has to be fixed and I've got to get cracking on my job search (fruitless as its been so far). I know my grandparents wish we were staying on at least one more day.
Cooking dinner this afternoon with my grandma in the kitchen has been wonderful. I have every intention of starting a loaf of sour dough bread when I get back home. I remember coming to Mississippi during the summers growing up and she would have a hot loaf of sour dough bread for every meal. We all love sour dough bread. But today was too late to start so I helped and stood watching nearby as my grandma made angel biscuits. Just like my mom, everything she makes is wonderful and the best food you've ever had in your life.
I love watching my grandmother's hands. I think she would have been self-conscious if she had caught me watching her knead the dough. My eyes got a little misty as I was thinking back on all the things her hands have done in her life. I didn't let her see me though because I knew I'd have to tell her what had got me started crying. I hope I have hands like my grandma's when I'm older.
At one point my pawpaw came into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table. I'm not sure what loosened up his tongue, but he started talking and telling stories about the war and being in the army. I always remember him as being the strong, silent one in the family, but I love it when he starts joking and talking all the time. My grandma has a tendency to talk over him because he speaks slower than she does - he's had at least one stroke - but also she's heard all of his stories before. Today she tried to shoo him out of the kitchen because she was having a hard time cooking and listening to him at the same time. But since I wouldn't move to go to the living room, and I was his audience, he stayed right there and told me stories about the war. He almost never talks about the war. Today I saw my grandpa cry for the first time in my life. And I was crying too. He told me about seeing his brother Chester in Naples, Italy; how it was a surprise to see him because he didn't know his brother was over there. Chester knew my pawpaw was in Naples though. He started tearing up while telling me about a little Jewish boy Chester had befriended when he was liberating prisoners from one of the death camps. The boy eventually moved to America with his family where he became a citizen, joined the army, and found Chester through the VA many years later. After freeing the prisoners Chester's unit was due to move out somewhere else. The commander that was overseeing those troops heard Chester say that he had a brother in Naples. The man (maybe a sergeant) told Chester that if he would meet them in their next city by the afternoon of the following day he could go find his brother.
My pawpaw had been on a three-day leave in Rome and was on his way back to the base the same day that Chester went to find him. When CG (my pawpaw) got back to his barrack there was someone sleeping on his cot. The guys next to him told him that the sleeping man was a new recruit who had taken over CG's cot. My pawpaw laughed as he told me that he took the edge of his cot and flipped it over with the man in it, ready for a fight. Chester stood up and uncovered his face and completely shocked and surprised my pawpaw. We were both laughing and crying at this point. Then we were kicked out of the kitchen. There was so much hustle and bustle going on in the room I don't know if anyone else really heard the story or saw him crying. It was too much for me. I went to the bathroom to hide out for a minute. And then I came here to write this down so I wouldn't forget. I think I'll stop crying in minute. God, I miss them. I don't get over here to visit them nearly enough. And I hate that we're leaving so quickly when we just got here. I can't even think for a second about a day in the future when they won't be here. It just reduces me to tears all over again. Well, shit. I guess I'll sit here and cry for a few minutes and then pull it together and go back out to the living room. I've got to get pictures of them before we leave. I miss them already. More than I miss Austin - and that's a lot.
Cooking dinner this afternoon with my grandma in the kitchen has been wonderful. I have every intention of starting a loaf of sour dough bread when I get back home. I remember coming to Mississippi during the summers growing up and she would have a hot loaf of sour dough bread for every meal. We all love sour dough bread. But today was too late to start so I helped and stood watching nearby as my grandma made angel biscuits. Just like my mom, everything she makes is wonderful and the best food you've ever had in your life.
I love watching my grandmother's hands. I think she would have been self-conscious if she had caught me watching her knead the dough. My eyes got a little misty as I was thinking back on all the things her hands have done in her life. I didn't let her see me though because I knew I'd have to tell her what had got me started crying. I hope I have hands like my grandma's when I'm older.
At one point my pawpaw came into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table. I'm not sure what loosened up his tongue, but he started talking and telling stories about the war and being in the army. I always remember him as being the strong, silent one in the family, but I love it when he starts joking and talking all the time. My grandma has a tendency to talk over him because he speaks slower than she does - he's had at least one stroke - but also she's heard all of his stories before. Today she tried to shoo him out of the kitchen because she was having a hard time cooking and listening to him at the same time. But since I wouldn't move to go to the living room, and I was his audience, he stayed right there and told me stories about the war. He almost never talks about the war. Today I saw my grandpa cry for the first time in my life. And I was crying too. He told me about seeing his brother Chester in Naples, Italy; how it was a surprise to see him because he didn't know his brother was over there. Chester knew my pawpaw was in Naples though. He started tearing up while telling me about a little Jewish boy Chester had befriended when he was liberating prisoners from one of the death camps. The boy eventually moved to America with his family where he became a citizen, joined the army, and found Chester through the VA many years later. After freeing the prisoners Chester's unit was due to move out somewhere else. The commander that was overseeing those troops heard Chester say that he had a brother in Naples. The man (maybe a sergeant) told Chester that if he would meet them in their next city by the afternoon of the following day he could go find his brother.
My pawpaw had been on a three-day leave in Rome and was on his way back to the base the same day that Chester went to find him. When CG (my pawpaw) got back to his barrack there was someone sleeping on his cot. The guys next to him told him that the sleeping man was a new recruit who had taken over CG's cot. My pawpaw laughed as he told me that he took the edge of his cot and flipped it over with the man in it, ready for a fight. Chester stood up and uncovered his face and completely shocked and surprised my pawpaw. We were both laughing and crying at this point. Then we were kicked out of the kitchen. There was so much hustle and bustle going on in the room I don't know if anyone else really heard the story or saw him crying. It was too much for me. I went to the bathroom to hide out for a minute. And then I came here to write this down so I wouldn't forget. I think I'll stop crying in minute. God, I miss them. I don't get over here to visit them nearly enough. And I hate that we're leaving so quickly when we just got here. I can't even think for a second about a day in the future when they won't be here. It just reduces me to tears all over again. Well, shit. I guess I'll sit here and cry for a few minutes and then pull it together and go back out to the living room. I've got to get pictures of them before we leave. I miss them already. More than I miss Austin - and that's a lot.
21 December 2009
It's Official!
Two things are, really.
I. I passed all my classes! Woohoo! I'm officially a graduate. This afternoon after Christmas shopping with my dad I will start job searching for real. Pray for me.
II. I know what kind of breed Bailey is! I was watching this show about cats on the Animal Planet channel the other afternoon/evening and they had an Egyptian Mau featured. Bailey is an Egyptian Mau mix! Here are the facts:
1. He has large eyes with the distinctive mascara lines around the inside of his lid. Large gooseberry green eyes to be exact, very particular to the Mau's.
2. His spots are only on the tip of his fur. If you pet him against the grain, he's a sandy brown color.
3. I always thought he had a weird saggy belly. Turns out Egyptian Mau's have that little flap for running! I had no idea. Egyptian Mau's are the fastest domestic cats and that extra skin allows for greater mobility/agility/speed. So that's pretty cool.
4. Bailey has the longest tail I've ever seen.
5. He is so unbelievably loving and loyal and devoted specifically to me. Which I always thought was because I'm his mama and he appreciated the fact that I took care of him when he was sick. But Mau's are fiercely loyal to their families.
6. When he's happy he chortles, or chirps a little chirping noise while wriggling his tail.
I know nobody else probably cares, but since I'm infatuated with this little sweetheart, I'm really happy to find out what breed he is.
I. I passed all my classes! Woohoo! I'm officially a graduate. This afternoon after Christmas shopping with my dad I will start job searching for real. Pray for me.
II. I know what kind of breed Bailey is! I was watching this show about cats on the Animal Planet channel the other afternoon/evening and they had an Egyptian Mau featured. Bailey is an Egyptian Mau mix! Here are the facts:
1. He has large eyes with the distinctive mascara lines around the inside of his lid. Large gooseberry green eyes to be exact, very particular to the Mau's.
2. His spots are only on the tip of his fur. If you pet him against the grain, he's a sandy brown color.
3. I always thought he had a weird saggy belly. Turns out Egyptian Mau's have that little flap for running! I had no idea. Egyptian Mau's are the fastest domestic cats and that extra skin allows for greater mobility/agility/speed. So that's pretty cool.
4. Bailey has the longest tail I've ever seen.
5. He is so unbelievably loving and loyal and devoted specifically to me. Which I always thought was because I'm his mama and he appreciated the fact that I took care of him when he was sick. But Mau's are fiercely loyal to their families.
6. When he's happy he chortles, or chirps a little chirping noise while wriggling his tail.
I know nobody else probably cares, but since I'm infatuated with this little sweetheart, I'm really happy to find out what breed he is.
14 December 2009
Kids,
I just wanted to let you know, that barring any unforeseeable events in the future (did I just make that word up? unforeseeable, seems like it could exist) - like me failing a class - I am a mere 5 pages from being finished with college.
Woohoo! And now for the best 5 pages I have written in the last month. I love working against deadlines, and quite honestly that's when the creative juices start flowing. After a satisfying dinner and a nice Mason jar full of sweet tea (and Colors of the Wind from Pocahantas just came on Pandora!) I am prepared to write. And there is an ice cold beer standing by for just in cases if I get stuck/reach the end of my motivation/will to write.
Did I mention I was only 5 pages away from freedom? Because if I haven't mentioned it already, I'm only a mere 5 pages - 1500 words or so - from being FIN.
WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD. When did I get so stinking old?
Also, I have this stupendously long post in the works. There's something about studying and actually forcing my brain to work that makes me very introspective/willing to look at things. Stay tuned!
Have I told you lately....no just kidding. But 5 FIVE CINQ CINQO pages away!
Woohoo! And now for the best 5 pages I have written in the last month. I love working against deadlines, and quite honestly that's when the creative juices start flowing. After a satisfying dinner and a nice Mason jar full of sweet tea (and Colors of the Wind from Pocahantas just came on Pandora!) I am prepared to write. And there is an ice cold beer standing by for just in cases if I get stuck/reach the end of my motivation/will to write.
Did I mention I was only 5 pages away from freedom? Because if I haven't mentioned it already, I'm only a mere 5 pages - 1500 words or so - from being FIN.
WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD. When did I get so stinking old?
Also, I have this stupendously long post in the works. There's something about studying and actually forcing my brain to work that makes me very introspective/willing to look at things. Stay tuned!
Have I told you lately....no just kidding. But 5 FIVE CINQ CINQO pages away!
13 December 2009
11 December 2009
Why We Need Central Heating/AC
Emily: "I'm amazed at how much warmer I am in my sleeping bag than just with my fleece blanket and comforter. I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight!"
Roommate: "I told you. It's awesome."
Emily: "It's like I'm in a little cocoon..."
Roommate: "Yeah."
Emily: "...it's like, like I'm back in the womb!"
Roommate: "And we're woommates!"
Emily: "Aww, we awre. We're just wittle woommates!"
Roommate: "...Party on, Emily."
Emily: "Party on my wittle woommate!"
Roommate: "I told you. It's awesome."
Emily: "It's like I'm in a little cocoon..."
Roommate: "Yeah."
Emily: "...it's like, like I'm back in the womb!"
Roommate: "And we're woommates!"
Emily: "Aww, we awre. We're just wittle woommates!"
Roommate: "...Party on, Emily."
Emily: "Party on my wittle woommate!"
10 December 2009
5 plus jours
Alas.
Five whole days from now, I will be finished. Fini. Can you believe it? I can hardly take it in. But I just keep telling myself, only 5 more days. And tonight I get to watch Bones AND The Office. And then after that, only four more days. I think the countdown part of this is therapeutic. It helps me realize that I will only have to deal with the overhwelming stress for a little while longer. And it is overwhelming. To the point where I think I have emotionally shut down into a self-preservation kind of mode. I remember feeling like this in May.
Stress does this to me. I don't know how to process it and so therefore I shut off. And I start singing all the songs I remember from childhood. What is that? Seriously. A coping method? I don't know. This morning I could not stop singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. And yesterday I think it was John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith. Breathe in, breathe out. It's almost over. And then I'll miss school and cry, but the stress will be over and I can go back to my normal(ish) self. I already miss school. I was like this last Spring too. I only miss it when it's gone.
Five whole days from now, I will be finished. Fini. Can you believe it? I can hardly take it in. But I just keep telling myself, only 5 more days. And tonight I get to watch Bones AND The Office. And then after that, only four more days. I think the countdown part of this is therapeutic. It helps me realize that I will only have to deal with the overhwelming stress for a little while longer. And it is overwhelming. To the point where I think I have emotionally shut down into a self-preservation kind of mode. I remember feeling like this in May.
Stress does this to me. I don't know how to process it and so therefore I shut off. And I start singing all the songs I remember from childhood. What is that? Seriously. A coping method? I don't know. This morning I could not stop singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. And yesterday I think it was John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith. Breathe in, breathe out. It's almost over. And then I'll miss school and cry, but the stress will be over and I can go back to my normal(ish) self. I already miss school. I was like this last Spring too. I only miss it when it's gone.
29 November 2009
A Book You Shouldn't Read
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulkes is a book you shouldn't read unless you're wanting to cry. I have yet to cry, but I can tell it is only pages away. It's truly a really good book, but it is so overwhelmingly sad that I could crawl into my bed and weep for the characters.
It bounces back and forth between France 1916-18 and England 1978. The trench warfare is expounded on in detail. I think part of my problem is that I watched my first episode of Band of Brothers over the holiday weekend and the images of the fighting and wounds are fresh in my mind. The main character of 1916-18 is Stephen and the other is his grand-daughter living in England in 78 who knows little to nothing about him but is determined to understand more.
Anyway...I don't know what to do with myself. Thank you, British Novel in the 20th Century class and Dr. Berry for tossing me and 2/3 of my classmates into a pit of sadness. You are truly depressing.
On a lighter note, I had my graduation pictures done today. Life is speeding past at lightning speed and I am trying to keep up. So much reading and work to do over the next two weeks or so. And then there's the job searching that must be done. It's a truly funky place I'm sitting in right now. =/
It bounces back and forth between France 1916-18 and England 1978. The trench warfare is expounded on in detail. I think part of my problem is that I watched my first episode of Band of Brothers over the holiday weekend and the images of the fighting and wounds are fresh in my mind. The main character of 1916-18 is Stephen and the other is his grand-daughter living in England in 78 who knows little to nothing about him but is determined to understand more.
Anyway...I don't know what to do with myself. Thank you, British Novel in the 20th Century class and Dr. Berry for tossing me and 2/3 of my classmates into a pit of sadness. You are truly depressing.
On a lighter note, I had my graduation pictures done today. Life is speeding past at lightning speed and I am trying to keep up. So much reading and work to do over the next two weeks or so. And then there's the job searching that must be done. It's a truly funky place I'm sitting in right now. =/
That's Church
I went to service today for the first time in a few months. I do really enjoy working in the children's ministry even though I complain about it pretty often. There's just something about 12 four-year-old children that really wears a person out.
I was talking with my roommate last night about how I've felt disconnected from the body of the church because I typically go to my preschool class and then to my Sunday school class. Starving is the word I used. Outside of my quiet times, I'm getting no nourishment. And I literally feel like I'm starving.
So being able to go to service today was really rewarding.
Can you sense that there is a "however" coming? And a relatively big however at that. I really enjoyed going to service today, however I feel like there was something important left out of the sermon. The clarification that was needed to help people remember that our God is a good God. He is the definition of good. My feeling is that the sermon made him out to be a mean old miser. The context of the sermon is this: David wanted to build a palace for God. God spoke to the prophet Nathan in a dream and told him that David was not to be the one to fulfill that dream because he had killed too many people. It was still a good thing to desire and dream of, but he wasn't made for that. God took away David's dream essentially. David responded well; he became content with his situation and He held on to God's sovereignty and His intentions though David got nothing out of the promise.
I had two conversations afterward with people who took away the meaning to be that whatever their dreams are, even if they are with godly intentions, that's not what's meant for them and God won't fulfill that dream. That God will take away that dream. I disagree.
I wish there had been more on the fact that some of our deepest desires and dreams are from God and that he very much wants to fulfill them. I refer to the dreams that are born out of godly desires and not our sinful nature. We often don't pray about those things because we're afraid they will be taken away. But that's not necessarily true! If we are living our lives in such a way that we are seeking God's will above our own and searching for His will in our lives, He very often places desires within us and then fulfills them when we lay them at His feet and trust Him for those things. Our God is a good God. We serve a mighty King; vengeance is His, yes, and there will be justice for those who do not know Him, but I am His child. I stand redeemed because of the sacrifice of Christ's blood, and I claim an inheritance from the Lord God Almighty. And He disciplines me, of course, because I really need it. But He loves me. And He wants to answer the desires of my heart. I trust Him with those very precious dreams of mine; the ones I hardly admit to myself because I'm afraid that they will get crushed. God's word tells us to "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I feel it's true that if we are delighting ourselves in the Lord He also becomes the desire of our hearts.
Is it not undermining God and who He is by believing that He will take away our dreams just because we have them? Can we not instead hold them up to Him and believe, in faith and obedience, that His will shall be done and that He might just answer them?
Bah, this is one of those topics that I feel like I'm not communicating well on at all. There is an immense amount of things I want to say on this but it's hard to touch on everything and decide where to begin. I need to listen to it again and see if I walk away with the same perceptions. Suffice it to say for now: I wish the sermon had offered more on God; who He is and what He's like, instead of confusing people as to what He will do. God will not crush your desires just because you have those dreams. It may very well be that He wants to answer them beyond your wildest imagination but you possess such little faith that you will never see God answer them. Believe little, see little.
Believe BIG. Then keep your eyes open.
I was talking with my roommate last night about how I've felt disconnected from the body of the church because I typically go to my preschool class and then to my Sunday school class. Starving is the word I used. Outside of my quiet times, I'm getting no nourishment. And I literally feel like I'm starving.
So being able to go to service today was really rewarding.
Can you sense that there is a "however" coming? And a relatively big however at that. I really enjoyed going to service today, however I feel like there was something important left out of the sermon. The clarification that was needed to help people remember that our God is a good God. He is the definition of good. My feeling is that the sermon made him out to be a mean old miser. The context of the sermon is this: David wanted to build a palace for God. God spoke to the prophet Nathan in a dream and told him that David was not to be the one to fulfill that dream because he had killed too many people. It was still a good thing to desire and dream of, but he wasn't made for that. God took away David's dream essentially. David responded well; he became content with his situation and He held on to God's sovereignty and His intentions though David got nothing out of the promise.
I had two conversations afterward with people who took away the meaning to be that whatever their dreams are, even if they are with godly intentions, that's not what's meant for them and God won't fulfill that dream. That God will take away that dream. I disagree.
I wish there had been more on the fact that some of our deepest desires and dreams are from God and that he very much wants to fulfill them. I refer to the dreams that are born out of godly desires and not our sinful nature. We often don't pray about those things because we're afraid they will be taken away. But that's not necessarily true! If we are living our lives in such a way that we are seeking God's will above our own and searching for His will in our lives, He very often places desires within us and then fulfills them when we lay them at His feet and trust Him for those things. Our God is a good God. We serve a mighty King; vengeance is His, yes, and there will be justice for those who do not know Him, but I am His child. I stand redeemed because of the sacrifice of Christ's blood, and I claim an inheritance from the Lord God Almighty. And He disciplines me, of course, because I really need it. But He loves me. And He wants to answer the desires of my heart. I trust Him with those very precious dreams of mine; the ones I hardly admit to myself because I'm afraid that they will get crushed. God's word tells us to "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I feel it's true that if we are delighting ourselves in the Lord He also becomes the desire of our hearts.
Is it not undermining God and who He is by believing that He will take away our dreams just because we have them? Can we not instead hold them up to Him and believe, in faith and obedience, that His will shall be done and that He might just answer them?
Bah, this is one of those topics that I feel like I'm not communicating well on at all. There is an immense amount of things I want to say on this but it's hard to touch on everything and decide where to begin. I need to listen to it again and see if I walk away with the same perceptions. Suffice it to say for now: I wish the sermon had offered more on God; who He is and what He's like, instead of confusing people as to what He will do. God will not crush your desires just because you have those dreams. It may very well be that He wants to answer them beyond your wildest imagination but you possess such little faith that you will never see God answer them. Believe little, see little.
Believe BIG. Then keep your eyes open.
24 November 2009
Nobody Panic!
I think it was just allergies. And I think that because my whole face is itching today and I've been sneezing. A lot.
Still winning:
Pink Eye: 0
Cavities: 0
Strep Throat: 0
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Eve! I love holidays. Fall and winter holidays. There's a great deal of nostalgia there because I have had some of the best holidays ever lived by anyone and I doubt I will ever hate the holidays. Unless something tragic happened. But I just get so giddy during this time of year! I feel like Buddy the Elf, that's how giddy/silly I get. But I love it. "And I'm singing...and I love it I love it I love it!"
Michaela, I would watch Elf with you this week. It is not too early to enjoy that goodness.
Still winning:
Pink Eye: 0
Cavities: 0
Strep Throat: 0
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Eve! I love holidays. Fall and winter holidays. There's a great deal of nostalgia there because I have had some of the best holidays ever lived by anyone and I doubt I will ever hate the holidays. Unless something tragic happened. But I just get so giddy during this time of year! I feel like Buddy the Elf, that's how giddy/silly I get. But I love it. "And I'm singing...and I love it I love it I love it!"
Michaela, I would watch Elf with you this week. It is not too early to enjoy that goodness.
23 November 2009
Aww, shoot!
You know what would be bad timing?
Having pink eye 5 days before I am due to have graduation photos taken.
I'm praying this is some other eye irritation, but after working with those kids this week (half of whom couldn't stop coughing, sniffling, etc) who knows.
I also heard from someone on campus that pink eye is the number one thing health services is worrying with. Awe-some.
Couldn't be worse timing, thank you very much. Welp, we'll see how things are in the morning. I'm off to make a warm compress and use some eye drops. Hoo-ray.
Having pink eye 5 days before I am due to have graduation photos taken.
I'm praying this is some other eye irritation, but after working with those kids this week (half of whom couldn't stop coughing, sniffling, etc) who knows.
I also heard from someone on campus that pink eye is the number one thing health services is worrying with. Awe-some.
Couldn't be worse timing, thank you very much. Welp, we'll see how things are in the morning. I'm off to make a warm compress and use some eye drops. Hoo-ray.
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