The Prodigal God

You are all, big and small
beautiful and wonderful
to trust in grace through faith
but I'm asking to taste...

For dark is light to You
depths are height to You
Far is near, but Lord, i need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good



I feel like the weight of the world is all crashing down on me. And some how I just don’t believe this is how it is supposed to be. And all this expectation on the way I’m suppose to live becomes my minds distraction, with nothing left to give. You said your burden is light and your load is no more. You said your ways are right and in you I would soar. I want to be free: free to dance and free to sing, free to live and love and free to be me. In you I’m longing for some peace to be found. I know the heaviness that’s making me cold is stealing my youthful soul and making me old;
I want to be free.


There is a book by Timothy Keller called "The Prodigal God" that I am really interested in reading. I almost never buy books but I am really intrigued by this one. You can find an excerpt from the book at the website: www.theprodigalgod.com. I also really want to read this book that Lauren told me about months ago: Radical Womanhood, maybe... Lauren, what's the name of that book? (P.S. I just found a birthday card that I wrote to you, I don't even know how many years ago, but I plan on sending it to you this year, Ha! I'll, um, write a new message =) Just kidding, I'll send it with a new one.)

I just, hm, have been feeling difficult lately. Like I'm wrestling with something, but for the life of me I don't know what that something is yet. My introverted side has been rearing its ugly head lately. I'm also willing to bet this is why I've been getting sick so frequently the last few months; there is a massive internal struggle that I can't put words to and therefore can not bring to light. And who knows how long it's even taken me just to realize there is something brewing. Worst of all (I think), it's sapping my joy.

There are days I wish God had made me differently. I know people who can easily seem to be able to diagnose themselves and their issues so easily and BAM! they're on to the next thing. It always takes me months and it involves a knock-down-drag-out war. But I don't second-guess Him, because I know I'm this way for a reason. I just find myself really annoyed with myself. I just laughed out loud at that, but it's true! I pity the man God has for me (there's an "if" statement lurking there). Really. So... just waayyy in advance: "Honey, I'm SORRY."

On a completely different, un-related topic, I have been really disciplined about working out lately for the first time in my life! Yeah-yuh! This means I have a good routine going on. Also, if anyone is looking for podcast sermons, I've been love, love, loving Matt Chandler's series on Luke from the Village Church in Dallas. They're available, free, on iTunes.