Don't forget this.

We're on a last minute trip to Mississippi to visit my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I love my grandparents. I wish we were staying for another day, but I think we're headed back tomorrow. This trip is too short - we just got here on Sunday - doesn't seem right to be leaving so early. But there are things that need to be taken care of back in Texas. My truck has to be fixed and I've got to get cracking on my job search (fruitless as its been so far). I know my grandparents wish we were staying on at least one more day.

Cooking dinner this afternoon with my grandma in the kitchen has been wonderful. I have every intention of starting a loaf of sour dough bread when I get back home. I remember coming to Mississippi during the summers growing up and she would have a hot loaf of sour dough bread for every meal. We all love sour dough bread. But today was too late to start so I helped and stood watching nearby as my grandma made angel biscuits. Just like my mom, everything she makes is wonderful and the best food you've ever had in your life.

I love watching my grandmother's hands. I think she would have been self-conscious if she had caught me watching her knead the dough. My eyes got a little misty as I was thinking back on all the things her hands have done in her life. I didn't let her see me though because I knew I'd have to tell her what had got me started crying. I hope I have hands like my grandma's when I'm older.

At one point my pawpaw came into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table. I'm not sure what loosened up his tongue, but he started talking and telling stories about the war and being in the army. I always remember him as being the strong, silent one in the family, but I love it when he starts joking and talking all the time. My grandma has a tendency to talk over him because he speaks slower than she does - he's had at least one stroke - but also she's heard all of his stories before. Today she tried to shoo him out of the kitchen because she was having a hard time cooking and listening to him at the same time. But since I wouldn't move to go to the living room, and I was his audience, he stayed right there and told me stories about the war. He almost never talks about the war. Today I saw my grandpa cry for the first time in my life. And I was crying too. He told me about seeing his brother Chester in Naples, Italy; how it was a surprise to see him because he didn't know his brother was over there. Chester knew my pawpaw was in Naples though. He started tearing up while telling me about a little Jewish boy Chester had befriended when he was liberating prisoners from one of the death camps. The boy eventually moved to America with his family where he became a citizen, joined the army, and found Chester through the VA many years later. After freeing the prisoners Chester's unit was due to move out somewhere else. The commander that was overseeing those troops heard Chester say that he had a brother in Naples. The man (maybe a sergeant) told Chester that if he would meet them in their next city by the afternoon of the following day he could go find his brother.

My pawpaw had been on a three-day leave in Rome and was on his way back to the base the same day that Chester went to find him. When CG (my pawpaw) got back to his barrack there was someone sleeping on his cot. The guys next to him told him that the sleeping man was a new recruit who had taken over CG's cot. My pawpaw laughed as he told me that he took the edge of his cot and flipped it over with the man in it, ready for a fight. Chester stood up and uncovered his face and completely shocked and surprised my pawpaw. We were both laughing and crying at this point. Then we were kicked out of the kitchen. There was so much hustle and bustle going on in the room I don't know if anyone else really heard the story or saw him crying. It was too much for me. I went to the bathroom to hide out for a minute. And then I came here to write this down so I wouldn't forget. I think I'll stop crying in minute. God, I miss them. I don't get over here to visit them nearly enough. And I hate that we're leaving so quickly when we just got here. I can't even think for a second about a day in the future when they won't be here. It just reduces me to tears all over again. Well, shit. I guess I'll sit here and cry for a few minutes and then pull it together and go back out to the living room. I've got to get pictures of them before we leave. I miss them already. More than I miss Austin - and that's a lot.

It's Official!

Two things are, really.

I. I passed all my classes! Woohoo! I'm officially a graduate. This afternoon after Christmas shopping with my dad I will start job searching for real. Pray for me.

II. I know what kind of breed Bailey is! I was watching this show about cats on the Animal Planet channel the other afternoon/evening and they had an Egyptian Mau featured. Bailey is an Egyptian Mau mix! Here are the facts:

1. He has large eyes with the distinctive mascara lines around the inside of his lid. Large gooseberry green eyes to be exact, very particular to the Mau's.
2. His spots are only on the tip of his fur. If you pet him against the grain, he's a sandy brown color.
3. I always thought he had a weird saggy belly. Turns out Egyptian Mau's have that little flap for running! I had no idea. Egyptian Mau's are the fastest domestic cats and that extra skin allows for greater mobility/agility/speed. So that's pretty cool.
4. Bailey has the longest tail I've ever seen.
5. He is so unbelievably loving and loyal and devoted specifically to me. Which I always thought was because I'm his mama and he appreciated the fact that I took care of him when he was sick. But Mau's are fiercely loyal to their families.
6. When he's happy he chortles, or chirps a little chirping noise while wriggling his tail.

I know nobody else probably cares, but since I'm infatuated with this little sweetheart, I'm really happy to find out what breed he is.

Kids,

I just wanted to let you know, that barring any unforeseeable events in the future (did I just make that word up? unforeseeable, seems like it could exist) - like me failing a class - I am a mere 5 pages from being finished with college.

Woohoo! And now for the best 5 pages I have written in the last month. I love working against deadlines, and quite honestly that's when the creative juices start flowing. After a satisfying dinner and a nice Mason jar full of sweet tea (and Colors of the Wind from Pocahantas just came on Pandora!) I am prepared to write. And there is an ice cold beer standing by for just in cases if I get stuck/reach the end of my motivation/will to write.

Did I mention I was only 5 pages away from freedom? Because if I haven't mentioned it already, I'm only a mere 5 pages - 1500 words or so - from being FIN.

WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD. When did I get so stinking old?

Also, I have this stupendously long post in the works. There's something about studying and actually forcing my brain to work that makes me very introspective/willing to look at things. Stay tuned!

Have I told you lately....no just kidding. But 5 FIVE CINQ CINQO pages away!

Le sigh.

What I would give for a nap right about now.

Why We Need Central Heating/AC

Emily: "I'm amazed at how much warmer I am in my sleeping bag than just with my fleece blanket and comforter. I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight!"

Roommate: "I told you. It's awesome."

Emily: "It's like I'm in a little cocoon..."

Roommate: "Yeah."

Emily: "...it's like, like I'm back in the womb!"

Roommate: "And we're woommates!"

Emily: "Aww, we awre. We're just wittle woommates!"

Roommate: "...Party on, Emily."

Emily: "Party on my wittle woommate!"

5 plus jours

Alas.

Five whole days from now, I will be finished. Fini. Can you believe it? I can hardly take it in. But I just keep telling myself, only 5 more days. And tonight I get to watch Bones AND The Office. And then after that, only four more days. I think the countdown part of this is therapeutic. It helps me realize that I will only have to deal with the overhwelming stress for a little while longer. And it is overwhelming. To the point where I think I have emotionally shut down into a self-preservation kind of mode. I remember feeling like this in May.

Stress does this to me. I don't know how to process it and so therefore I shut off. And I start singing all the songs I remember from childhood. What is that? Seriously. A coping method? I don't know. This morning I could not stop singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. And yesterday I think it was John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith. Breathe in, breathe out. It's almost over. And then I'll miss school and cry, but the stress will be over and I can go back to my normal(ish) self. I already miss school. I was like this last Spring too. I only miss it when it's gone.

A Book You Shouldn't Read

Birdsong by Sebastian Faulkes is a book you shouldn't read unless you're wanting to cry. I have yet to cry, but I can tell it is only pages away. It's truly a really good book, but it is so overwhelmingly sad that I could crawl into my bed and weep for the characters.

It bounces back and forth between France 1916-18 and England 1978. The trench warfare is expounded on in detail. I think part of my problem is that I watched my first episode of Band of Brothers over the holiday weekend and the images of the fighting and wounds are fresh in my mind. The main character of 1916-18 is Stephen and the other is his grand-daughter living in England in 78 who knows little to nothing about him but is determined to understand more.

Anyway...I don't know what to do with myself. Thank you, British Novel in the 20th Century class and Dr. Berry for tossing me and 2/3 of my classmates into a pit of sadness. You are truly depressing.

On a lighter note, I had my graduation pictures done today. Life is speeding past at lightning speed and I am trying to keep up. So much reading and work to do over the next two weeks or so. And then there's the job searching that must be done. It's a truly funky place I'm sitting in right now. =/

That's Church

I went to service today for the first time in a few months. I do really enjoy working in the children's ministry even though I complain about it pretty often. There's just something about 12 four-year-old children that really wears a person out.

I was talking with my roommate last night about how I've felt disconnected from the body of the church because I typically go to my preschool class and then to my Sunday school class. Starving is the word I used. Outside of my quiet times, I'm getting no nourishment. And I literally feel like I'm starving.

So being able to go to service today was really rewarding.

Can you sense that there is a "however" coming? And a relatively big however at that. I really enjoyed going to service today, however I feel like there was something important left out of the sermon. The clarification that was needed to help people remember that our God is a good God. He is the definition of good. My feeling is that the sermon made him out to be a mean old miser. The context of the sermon is this: David wanted to build a palace for God. God spoke to the prophet Nathan in a dream and told him that David was not to be the one to fulfill that dream because he had killed too many people. It was still a good thing to desire and dream of, but he wasn't made for that. God took away David's dream essentially. David responded well; he became content with his situation and He held on to God's sovereignty and His intentions though David got nothing out of the promise.

I had two conversations afterward with people who took away the meaning to be that whatever their dreams are, even if they are with godly intentions, that's not what's meant for them and God won't fulfill that dream. That God will take away that dream. I disagree.

I wish there had been more on the fact that some of our deepest desires and dreams are from God and that he very much wants to fulfill them. I refer to the dreams that are born out of godly desires and not our sinful nature. We often don't pray about those things because we're afraid they will be taken away. But that's not necessarily true! If we are living our lives in such a way that we are seeking God's will above our own and searching for His will in our lives, He very often places desires within us and then fulfills them when we lay them at His feet and trust Him for those things. Our God is a good God. We serve a mighty King; vengeance is His, yes, and there will be justice for those who do not know Him, but I am His child. I stand redeemed because of the sacrifice of Christ's blood, and I claim an inheritance from the Lord God Almighty. And He disciplines me, of course, because I really need it. But He loves me. And He wants to answer the desires of my heart. I trust Him with those very precious dreams of mine; the ones I hardly admit to myself because I'm afraid that they will get crushed. God's word tells us to "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I feel it's true that if we are delighting ourselves in the Lord He also becomes the desire of our hearts.

Is it not undermining God and who He is by believing that He will take away our dreams just because we have them? Can we not instead hold them up to Him and believe, in faith and obedience, that His will shall be done and that He might just answer them?

Bah, this is one of those topics that I feel like I'm not communicating well on at all. There is an immense amount of things I want to say on this but it's hard to touch on everything and decide where to begin. I need to listen to it again and see if I walk away with the same perceptions. Suffice it to say for now: I wish the sermon had offered more on God; who He is and what He's like, instead of confusing people as to what He will do. God will not crush your desires just because you have those dreams. It may very well be that He wants to answer them beyond your wildest imagination but you possess such little faith that you will never see God answer them. Believe little, see little.

Believe BIG. Then keep your eyes open.

Nobody Panic!

I think it was just allergies. And I think that because my whole face is itching today and I've been sneezing. A lot.

Still winning:
Pink Eye: 0
Cavities: 0
Strep Throat: 0

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Eve! I love holidays. Fall and winter holidays. There's a great deal of nostalgia there because I have had some of the best holidays ever lived by anyone and I doubt I will ever hate the holidays. Unless something tragic happened. But I just get so giddy during this time of year! I feel like Buddy the Elf, that's how giddy/silly I get. But I love it. "And I'm singing...and I love it I love it I love it!"

Michaela, I would watch Elf with you this week. It is not too early to enjoy that goodness.

Aww, shoot!

You know what would be bad timing?

Having pink eye 5 days before I am due to have graduation photos taken.

I'm praying this is some other eye irritation, but after working with those kids this week (half of whom couldn't stop coughing, sniffling, etc) who knows.

I also heard from someone on campus that pink eye is the number one thing health services is worrying with. Awe-some.

Couldn't be worse timing, thank you very much. Welp, we'll see how things are in the morning. I'm off to make a warm compress and use some eye drops. Hoo-ray.

Divine Find of Oh-Nine

Let's take a minute and review all of the wonderful things we've discovered in the year 2009...


Ok, great. You have yours?



Here's mine:


That is love. Plain and simple. Love in the form of a chocolate bar. Some genius took a chocolate bar and married it to a peanut butter cup and the brilliance that came out of it is this. Isn't it beautiful?


Also, I just talked back to an old man in the grocery store. Not even sassy-like. Just mean. But he was a liar.

I hate liars. Not the liars themselves per se, just their lies.

Maybe I dislike them a little too while the lie is still fresh in my mind.

Story: Roommate went to Randall's earlier to get some things for lunch. I asked her to get me the little bar of love aforementioned [clue #1] and some chicken salad [Randall's is stepping up their game! So many good deli-style foods there now]. Anyway, she accidentally forgot the chicken salad. No big deal. On my way home from Manor this afternoon [where I was short with Brookes, clue #2], I decided to swing by Randall's and get a little thing of chicken salad for lunch tomorrow. I was on the phone in the store, no big deal, and remained on the phone until I got in line.

When I had been standing in line for a few seconds, this man [not old, probably mid-late 60s] came up to me and said "Excuse me, I was standing in that line."
To which I didn't say anything. But he was most definitely not standing in that line. He was in the line next to me. Then he stands between the two lines waiting to see which one is moving faster. He ends up picking my line and pushing in in-front of me. Needless to say, I was getting irritated.

But THEN! Low and behold, the other line moves faster. As soon as he sensed me move a hair's breadth of a fraction of a 1/1000 of a millimeter in that direction, he shot over to the other line and looked back at me absolutely horrified that I would "cut" in front of him in line.

[Insert WTF? face and exasperated sigh.]

The second time he looked at me, I said: "So, are you staying in that line or are you going to jump back in front of me because I'm about to step forward and set my stuff down?" [clue #3] Well, I said everything before the "or."

Bah. I was so frustrated with him. And his little British accent too.

And then I got in my car, added up the clues, and realized what was going on. It does explain why I've been so stinking exhausted lately!

Also, I think I'm going to put my Christmas lights up in the next few days. I was going to be good and wait until after Thanksgiving, but there are already two or three houses on our street that have lights up. Call me that-tacky-neighbor-who-lives-down-the-street-with-their-Christmas-lights-already-up, but I don't really care. It's my favorite time of the year! All of the leaves are turning all of my favorite colors and I'm just so inexplicably happy! [with the exception of the incident in the grocery store. And Brookes.]

I re-designed my blog [again] today. I went for the simple, self-designed look and abandoned all of the downloadable templates I've used in the past. I just can't find what I want. There are some cool ones out there, but I have this idea and I can't find it anywhere. So this will have to do for now.

Happy Autumn!

L-O-V-E

You know what I love?

Wednesdays.

But Thursdays have always been my favorite days. Recently I found out I was born on a Thursday. It makes sense, I suppose, considering how much I love Thursdays.

So I love Wednesday because it's Thursday Eve.

Speaking of eve's! Can we just sit in the disbelief for a minute that Thanksgiving is maybe 2 weeks away?? Christmas is just. around. the corner!

Part of me is in shock. I just...wasn't it just February?

And part of me is ecstatic! I love Christmas music and movies and decorations, oh my! I can't wait to watch all the old Hollywood Christmas classics.

My mom and I always make our Christmas-time tamales while listening to the "Merry Christmas, Baby" CD. It's a tradition we started at least 5 years ago. We've been perfecting our recipe ever since and those tamales just get better and better. I live off of Christmas tamales for at least a week, sometimes two: usually lunch and dinner, sometimes breakfast if I'm feeling like it.

So here's to Wednesdays (Thursday Eve) and Christmas being just around the corner.



And to my pawpaw, CG Burnham, on this Veteran's Day.

Stellan

Occassionally I start blog hopping and find myself on complete strangers' blogs with no idea how I got there. Sometime earlier this year I happened across www.mycharmingkids.net (still not sure how). But I read for a while and really came to respect MckMama, as she calls herself, in that little bit of time. She probably has more than several thousand readers everyday (one news site she had a link to said over 100,000). At any rate, big time blogger; part of their family's income is provided from it. I say "that's awesome": she gets to stay at home with her kids during the day, and makes money on the side doing something she enjoys, photography and blogging.

Anyways. Today I saw someone's status on facebook that said "Pray for Stellan." I don't think I've looked at her blog since that first week I was reading it, but I remembered her youngest child's name, Stellan, and the things they were struggling with at the time. Stellan was diagnosed with SVT in utero. I don't understand all of it, but it's a complicated heart issue that should have gone away before he was born. It didn't. And he's spent the first year of his life in and out of hospital. So upon seeing the status update, I looked up her blog and saw the news. Stellan was back in the hospital, worse than ever before. In theory, the surgeons wanted to wait until he was 4 before doing surgery because it's complicated and so risky with a little heart. They weren't even supposed to go into surgery today because he needed to be off his heart medicine for at least two days prior.

However, Stellan's SVT was out of control. He flatlined in his hospital bed this morning. There was a 20% chance they would have a successful surgery today (successful being that he wouldn't need a pace-maker and be dependent on it for the rest of his life).

I'm just telling you, as the tears roll, that God answers prayers in a big way. It was a completely successful surgery, and so far there's no sign of the SVT starting up again.

I don't know why God heals some and not others. My roommate was in Houston for her cousin's funeral today. Sometimes I wish I understood...

He's done a miracle today, made possible what few thought would happen for years. Stellan is SVT free. And MckMama, bless her heart, is giving him the praise and glory, for all 100,000+ or - who read her blog. If you're interested in keeping up with their story/Stellan's progress, I'm adding a link in the blog list to the right.

And pray for Josh's family. He's a little boy in my Lambs Sunday school class. I don't know the details, but another parent stopped me at church yesterday and said that it was a SERIOUS-serious medical condition. Your prayers are coveted, friends.

100th Post!

I've recently become addicted to the website mylifeisaverage.com. I've noticed a common thread with a lot of the things people are posting. So many seem to be extremly nostalgic for their childhood or fascinated by the things that remind them of simple fun, no tvs or video games involved. And I have to admit, I've caught myself recently wishing for the imaginative fun in life. Building a fort out of quilts and chairs and pillows is on my list of things to do before 2009 is over. I feel fairly silly wishing for, let alone saying such a thing. But I think those people are on to something. I miss the imaginative fun things in life. It's the kind of fun I often don't have because I'm too busy acting like a grown up.

It rained most of the day here today. I watched 'Penelope' this afternoon (one of the discount movies I bought at Blockboster earlier last week). The song at the end of the movie is one of my favorites: Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros. I *think* they're an Icelandic band. At any rate, the translation of hoppipolla is "hopping in puddles". Do you know where I'm going with this? ;)

I have not giggled so hard in years!

A few tips when jumping in puddles:
1. Don't worry with your rain boots. They don't keep the water from falling back into your boots on it's way back to earth. Your socks will be soaked anyways.
2. Keep your mouth closed,
3. Close your eyes.
4. The higher you jump, the bigger your splash.
5. Watch out for traffic and ignore your snotty neighbors.

Penelope is such a good movie. I had been looking for an uplifting movie in the last couple of weeks. The last few I've seen have either been heart-wrenching or slightly horrible. Penelope is heart-warming and fantastic. I'm thinking about watching it again.

Hah, so much for a month's worth of posts!

As it turns out, there is such a thing as "prayer hair" and "sleep face." Things I wasn't aware of until I was told I had them.

The Blockbuster in my neighborhood is going out of business. All of their movies are on sale for $8.99. Their box sets (think TV shows) are only $17.99. I should have bought LOST or one of the other shows I was looking at, but I didn't. Instead I bought Penelope, Casino Royale (only $5.99), and Elizabethtown (also $5.99). I thought it was a pretty good deal myself!

Lately I've been wanting to read a good book and watch a good movie. And I mean something light-hearted, or just up-lifting. The books I've had to read for class lately have been completely insane. Literally, all about socio-paths and their crazy ways. Made for some strange dreams, let me tell you. The last few movies we've rented too haven't been too great. They were either cheesy or stupid or a little bit dark.

And as it turns out, I think I talk in my sleep every night for most of the night. Roommate has said that anytime she wakes up in the middle of the night there's more than a 50% chance I'm talking in my sleep. I've been concerned about the things I'll say because my dreams have been really peculiar!

Did you know?

It's National Blog Posting Month.

Which means...well, nothing, unless you give it meaning. Which I will do.

You're about to get a month full of posts from me. Not at all once, of course. I wouldn't do that to you. I know you're all already stocked up on crazy and not interested in me selling you some more. But crazy is as crazy does and I does crazy well. (That was not a grammatical typo) ;)

First things first. I had my first run in with chiggers. Nearly drove me to insanity one night. But instead, I attempted to break my toe on the bathroom door around 4 in the morning one night. I wish bruises photographed better. This one was a doozy. My toe is currently in the end stages of bruising; a nice brown color.









And then there was Halloween! Lots of fun. I wish we had spent more time coming up with costume ideas and working on the costumes we decided on. But it was still fun, not as funny as last year. But it's hard to get perfection two years in a row. We were Hannah Montana (Marianne) and Miley Cyrus (me). As it turns out, people actually don't like them. It's funny because I thought America was obsessed, but the feeling seems to lean towards the opposite actually. Go figure.










Hannah Montana and Miley tried to teach people how to do the Hoedown Throwdown. Not as easy as it looks. We had actually rented the movie the night before when we were in Houston and tried to learn the dance. Super funny trying to learn it. My mom helped, but mostly she just laughed at us. Actually, that trip home was a really good one. I love my parents. I love that other people love my parents and suggest that we visit them more regularly - like every other weekend. I concur. I would be willing to take people down to Cypress with me every other weekend. People need to experience the love and joy that is Casa de Burnham. Or Maison de Burnham, if you prefer the French comme moi ;)
I mentioned the Galveston Service Trip we'll be going on with a few people from my Sunday school class in a few weeks. My mom jumped on my idea of stopping for dinner either Friday or Sunday. I hope people are down for it. My mom is already thinking about menu ideas. At the very least, my car will be stopping. So...choose your car wisely friends.

Because I have the attention span of a 5 year old

And Bones is coming on in 30 minutes and I can't study anything else right now...let's have a Halloween re-cap!

Halloween 2007:
It was a good Halloween. The first time the dynamic duo (that would be myself and my roommate) introduced ourselves to the world. We were:


A wee leprechaun and a pot of gold!

Halloween 2008:
Another good year. We started coming up with costume ideas back in March. After going through several possibilities, we decided on synchronized swimmers. Let me just tell you, we stopped at Sonic on the way to a Halloween party because they had .50 corndogs. Our waitress could not control herself she was laughing so hard. All of the other patrons were dying as well. I could hardly keep it together myself. Actually I lost it entirely when we went to the grocery store to get pita chips and dip. People were doubled over laughing, mostly because we were doing everything together: walking in step, pointing to things on shelves together. I remember nearly being sick in the parking lot afterwards because I could not stop laughing. Also I think there may have been applause when we showed up at the Halloween party. Plus, some random family stopped us in the street on the way to the party house and took our picture...I hope I never run for office.








And this year...well. You'll have to wait and see. It's going to be pretty good, I think. If people get it. Probably not as crazy as last year, but still good.

I feel silly writing this, but in the hope that I will overcome it by putting it out there and feeling silly, here goes:

I have a massive crush on Nathan Fillion. And I blame Ryan. Since the first time I ever watched Firefly, I have had a small crush on Nathan Fillion. Nothing serious you understand. But then last night he goes and revives Mal on Castle, and the little patter in my heart turned into a gallop. So thank you, Ryan. For introducing me to Nathan Fillion.

A little Sunday Afternoon Project

Last Friday as I was walking home from the bus stop (it was the most beautifully perfect day ever and I could not have imagined driving to the bus stop on a day such as Friday was!) I saw a sign for an estate sale and a garage sale. I, of course, knowing my roommate called her right away and told her about it. After I dropped my stuff off at the house we walked back up the street to the estate sale. I have to tell you, I think I have a new hobby. I love estate sales! They are so much cooler than garage sales. And while I know that they happen because someone passes away, I try not to think about that aspect of it and consider it more direct second-hand shopping. I found this table in one of the many treasure filled-rooms:



This afternoon instead of working out I decided to go to Lowe's and buy some paint and supplies. I found this really great color called Woodlawn Valley Haze by Valspar. I was torn between two colors, but this one is one of the National Trust for Historic Preservation colors, and since I'm a sucker for history and this table is super old...well, you can imagine how I ended up with Woodlawn. It took me about two hours to sand it and get two coats of paint plus touch-ups done, but now it looks like this:



I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out!

Double no-no's

Hm.

Just "hm." That's how I feel right now; just waiting to see how things turn out.

-------------------------------------

Friends, I do not do drama. Ever. And I shy away from confrontation like it's the horrible, more dastardly wickedish step-sister of the black plague. You dig? We do not go well together.

But today there have been both things: two no-no's in my world, if you will. I'm still feeling the adrenaline and stress that are collecting in my shoulders and neck. I love that God loves the wayward ones. He not only loves them, he would leave the ninety-nine to go after the one. I should know, I've been that "one" before.

The highlight in this situation is that God answers prayers. And He answers them quickly. You ask for a way, and he will show you. Like a divine "aha! That's what I need to do" lightbulb moment. It won't be easier than doing nothing. BUT our weakness allows God's strength to be exercised in a way that is downright near impossible when we're standing in the way. That's what I'm counting on, because I plan on getting out of the way.

Maybe like a Square with rounded edges, or, On a bicycle built for two

Most Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I walk by one of the coolest guys I've ever seen. Not really. But sort of.

See, he tends to wear short shorts and shirts that are a little on the tight side, which are not at all on my list of must haves for a mate. He also wears those 80s glasses that people wear even though they're not prescription (the ones my roommate lovingly refers to a pedo glasses). But he rides a tandem bicycle around campus with a harmonica and sometimes a boombox and offers free rides to class.

Amazing? I think so.

And what's even cooler is that people take him up on the offer. Like Monday, for example. He crossed right in front of my path. And as I was walking away smiling at his tie-dye headband, some kid goes "hey, man! Can I get a ride to the Co-op?" And tandem bicycle guy was like "Sure! On the Drag or one of the others?" And he sounded so much like a game-show host that I smiled a little wider and chuckled. It was then and there that I half-heartedly vowed in mock seriousness to myself that I would get a ride to my class at some point this semester. I'm ridiculously scared of riding a tandem bicycle because I am so prone to accidental happenings that I would not for the life of me want to risk someone else's safety...But tell me a ride to class on a tandem bicycle is not awesome!

Okay, so I may never actually get a ride to class, mostly because my building is really not all that far away from where we cross paths everyday and I like the walk. Also, he's one of those hipster people who automatically intimidate me because I'm sure they are judging my squareness.

Although I don't think I'm full-on square, but I'm more square than hip - that's for certain.

This. Is. WAR.

As someone who has dealt with mostly acute acne since the age of eleven, may I just say "I've had enough!"

And that's what I said last night after washing my face and once again being confronted with the never ending battle in the mirror.

And when my roommate got home, that's what I said to her. "This is WAR! No more!" and she was all "um, what?"

So I did over an hour's worth of research on the internet last night, came up with a few new options I haven't tried, and then went to Whole Foods this morning.

Here's the new regimen:

Kiss My Face Start Up Exfoliating Wash


and Kiss My Face Olive & Aloe Moisturizing Lotion


Also I read somewhere that for adult acne you should stay away from salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide treatments. Which I already knew because they are both bad news for my skin. However, you can try using products containing sulfur. Resorcinol and sulfur are usually paired together and I found favorable reviews for Clearasil Adult Acne treatment, which is sulfur based. So, today was day one. Hopefully this will work. I plan to still use my St. Ives Apricot exfoliating face wash, because I love it, but also because my face seems to like to be exfoliated to within an inch of its life occasionally. Anyways, I'll be letting you know if this new regimen works or bombs. I know I'm not the only person in the world who struggles with it and I also know that it helps to know what works for other people.

I'll get around to posting Colorado pictures soon. If we're facebook friends you should have seen them posted already. I do have some favorites though which I'll share here.

OH! And we got a third roommate recently. Kara (new roommate) and I re-arranged the house on Tuesday while Marianne was out of town on business. I think I like it. It's hard to say because it's all of the same old furniture just moved about. However, I do like the new spatial layout, feels more open or something. Eh, you'll just have to see it. =)

That was a quick turn around!

This is from the God Calling book, for today, 3 September:

"I am your Savior. Not only from the weight of sin, but from the weight of care, from misery, and depression, from want and woe, from faintness and heartache. Your Savior.

Remember that you are living really in the Unseen - that is the Real Life.

Lift up your heads from earth's troubles, and view the glories of the Kingdom. Higher and higher each day see more of Heaven. Speak to Me. Long for Me. Rest in Me. Abide in Me. No restless bringing Me your burdens, and then feverishly lifting them again and bearing them away.

No! Abide in Me. Not for one moment losing the consciousness of My Strength and Protection.

As a child in its mother's arms, stay sheltered and at rest."


Did I not just write this: "...I try to lay things at the feet of Jesus because I know that he can take care of them and myself in a way that I never will be able to. But sometimes I turn around and run back picking things up like it's my load to carry. It's not. If I surrendered it, then I need to let it lie there and resist the urge to pick it up and worry over it," YESTERDAY?!

It is amazing to me the number of times that book has applied to exactly what I am dealing with. Last week I was being hugely selfish with my time and not wanting to drive someone somewhere because sometimes they just discourage me too much. I don't read the book everyday, maybe every third day and catch up on the ones I missed. I caught up on the days a few days after my day of selfishness, and the entry that would have been for that day or the day after was "Give, give, give. Unconditionally. Give of all you have" (paraphrased). Do you ever just get a response from God that quickly? Clearly I was out of line in my behavior, and he was not slow to make me aware.

Just a tick-tock

About a week ago I went and saw the musical Wicked with some friends, for the third time, may I add. It's just so exciting knowing that people are about to experience one of the best shows they've ever seen. I always get so giddy when I think about the first time I saw it in London. With the original cast who recorded the CD. I just like to throw that out there. Yes, it's part pride, but also I just like to remind myself of the awesomeness that happened on that stage with Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth. Wicked is just so clever and brilliant and hilarious! It's a beautiful, beautiful thing and I highly recommend it.

I've been thinking, as I so rarely do. Remember this post? It amazes me how quickly I surrender my joy to another and pick up a burden that is no longer mine. I try to lay things at the feet of Jesus because I know that he can take care of them and myself in a way that I never will be able to. But sometimes I turn around and run back picking things up like it's my load to carry. It's not. If I surrendered it, then I need to let it lie there and resist the urge to pick it up and worry over it.

IF I am who I say I am, then when will my actions match that? I know it's a process of sanctification, but sometimes a big part of me (that part that always fails, ha!) wishes there was a bippity-boppity-boo moment where the rags are turned into a nice, flowing, white ball gown (little Cinderella reference). Why do I let others question what I know to be true, take advice that doesn't adhere to what I feel God is telling me in my heart? I wish I could get over peer pressure. It's not time for me to start looking for a job yet. How do I know that? Because when I pray about it I don't have peace about it yet, about the job search process that is. I have peace waiting. For now. Now that I've laid it back down and stopped fretting.

Speaking of frets, and this is way off topic, I keep wishing lately that I hadn't quit trying to learn the guitar. One discouraging word from someone and I was too embarrassed to pick it back up. And then I moved to London, and then my brother took it to Chicago, and then it went to UofH with my other brother, and now it resides in Canada. Someday, maybe I will try again. But not the self-taught method because clearly that wasn't working. Ha!

I'm headed to Cypress for the Labor Day weekend. I'm hoping to get my quilt tops quilted before I go to Colorado (in 10 days or so!). I'm also hoping to get my hard drive wiped clean and then re-install some stuff. The number of viruses on this little computer is astounding! It's still working, but it's super slow due to the new anti-malware/virus protection I changed to.

And TEXAS FOOTBALL starts soon! I do so love me some college football! Though I'm definitely a watch it on TV kind of girl. The view is just so much better. But there's something to be said for a live game, I will give you crazies that much.

Roman Calvary Choirs Singing

Friends,

I have great news. I have finally, finally purchased my all-time favorite movie.

On sale at HEB tonight there it was, sitting pretty on an end-cap display. Waiting for me. And I did not hesitate to drop that pretty little thing right in my basket. Actually I was on the phone with my dad and I got real quiet and I think I whispered "no way. Dad...this is a momentous occasion. I am finally going to buy my all-time favorite movie."



And then I ended up forgetting half of the things I actually went there to buy. No worries though. I have finally begun to start the collection of my all-time favorite movies. And here they are, in case you were just dying to know!

The Saint
The Thomas Crown Affair
For Love of the Game
The Notebook
And there's one more but I'm forgetting it. I'll go ahead and add the new Star Trek in its place. Because I'm geeky like that.

In the Air

Do you smell that?

Ahh, it's wonderful! New pens and notebooks, textbooks, novels, bookstores. It's time to dust off the old brain and begin a new semester of college.

And I think I love it.

Actually what I really love is getting organized. I love planning everything out and marking things in my calendar. I like figuring out a schedule and laying out books in the order they need to be read. Just makes me happy.

There's something about the hustle and bustle of a busy campus that I enjoy too. Of course, don't get me wrong, there are days where I am loathe to rub shoulders with one more frat boy or run up another three flights of stairs (because I don't want to be that one person that everyone judges for taking the elevator).

So far, so good though. I go up six flight of stairs twice a day Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I'm hoping that at least by October I won't be huffing and puffing quite so much. And the calf/thigh burn actually is quite nice. Feels like I can get a work out and go to class all in one go. No more trading one for the other. Ha!

But there will always be a fight between class and sleep. This morning I woke up at 7:03, 7:26, 7:48, 8:03, and for the last time at 8:24. I can't help it. I have two alarms; both of which stay on the other side of the room and I just go back and forth between my bed and my desk turning off alarms, practically asleep before I fall back into bed each time. Mornings are a beautiful thing! That's why I wake up so many times. I just want to relive it over and over.

I'm pretty sure I told you all about my Professor Snape. I've started a list in my notes keeping track of the new thing he hates each day. If you recall the first of the list is 'women and believers.' Now it also reads: children, Scots, Welsh, pirates. Today he finally just owned up to it and said "I hate everybody if you haven't figured it out yet. Don't take it personally. So many people do. I just don't like you." And I thought, "Finally!" You have to read that in Snape's tone of voice to get the full effect:



I don't think you have to watch the whole clip to get the picture; the first 40 seconds works well enough!

We also begin every lecture session with a loud, hearty bark that begins deep in the old man's cigarette tarnished lungs and comes forth as a gravelly growl. Then he coughs, says "ALRIGHT you lot. Let's get on with it. (pause) HISTORY of Rome. Now that's a fair topic, wouldn't you say? Easy to sum up, is it? WRONG! Not much is known about the origins. BUT let's begin. That's why they pay me now, ISN'T IT?" (Capitalized words are shouted). He is a riot! I think I may actually like his old curmudgeonly self in the end.

In my British Novel in the 20th Century class we've been watching a film about D.H. Lawrence, author of Sons and Lovers which we've begun reading. The film is hosted by Anthony Burgess (author of Clockwork Orange) and is hilarious though it's not meant to be. He waxes poetic about many things, and condemns women for being lazy during the 20th century while the men go to the coal mines. If he had even read D.H. Lawrence's Sons and Lovers (which was based on Lawrence's life) he would be fully aware that women do, in fact, work themselves nearly to death.

But I digress.

I just spent $221 at the bookstore today. That's the part I always hate about new semesters. I've bought about 22 or 23 texts. And that's the other part I hate about new semesters: staring down the reading lists and realizing that I will spend the next five months being bogged down with mandatory reading assignments.

Bright light on the horizon! I'm about 95% sure I'm going to Colorado for a little vacation. I am ecstatic! I love road trips. And I love Colorado. I remember going on trips with youth ministry when I was in the ministry and then as a leader. The bus/plane/train ride was always the best part for me. Once we got to where we were going I was ready to turn around and go back. That's the best part about traveling anyways: the getting there.

Notes

These are the notes I took on the first day:

26 August 09
E379S Poets & Punks: English Culture After 1945
Professor Nehring => enemy of modernism & Master of Tangents
"Why uselessness is a virtue" tangent
Beatles are irrelevant because they were "nice guys"
Rolling Stones => anti-Beatles
"Bloody Mick Jagger" #1 curse word in 70s in Britain(?)

26 August 09
HIS 321M: Rome through Death of Julius Caesar
Final Wed 9 Dec 7-10 pm
Professor Morgan => Dumbledore SNAPE IRL (in real life)
Hates women and believers. Great.

Be jealous. Be very jealous that you are not in these two most interesting/awkward classes.

Wyldwood & Quilt-top #4

This weekend my roommate and I went to a show at this venue called Wyldwood. It is such a cool place. It's someone's house (Andrew & Amy) and they use their backyard as the venue. The deck is the stage with twinkling lights wrapped around the trees, although I guess they don't twinkle. There's a suggested $10 donation; people bring lawn chairs or blankets, a bottle of wine, appetizers or whatever you plan to eat and the hosts provide hot dogs and usually s'mores. They haven't had s'mores the last few times because there's a burn ban in effect, but hopefully later this year they will.

I love this place.

It's so quaint and slightly magical. I love the atmosphere and the fact that a bajillion people aren't there, talking over the music. Usually just roommate and I go, and it's really fun. This past Saturday Danny Malone was playing. He's not one of my favorites, though roommate loves him. However this past week he redeemed himself in my eyes. It probably helped that he was hammered and hilarious and I had just eaten the most amazing dinner of chicken potstickers and stone ground wheat crackers with goat's cheese paired with a Fresca sitting on a picnic blanket under a starry sky with twinkle lights in the foreground. What can I say? I'm classy like that. Please excuse my camera phone.




Yesterday (technically last night around 1 am) I finished my fourth quilt top. I think it's my favorite. I need to see about getting my mom to quilt it the next time I'm in Houston. I'm ready to take it on my next picnic/Wyldwood visit already. I should invest in a real camera; the colors are so much better in real life.




Classes start tomorrow. Wicked at the Bass Concert Hall Thursday. And Michaela and Megan are hanging out in Austin this weekend! Michaela I'm so excited that you're coming to visit!

Oh. My. DANG

My friend Kara just introduced me to this thing called Take Away Shows. Basically, the organizer invites different bands to play in weird places - alley ways, restaurants, streets, etc. Most of the videos seem to be in Paris. He connects them to a microphone and achieves the most amazing sound quality. What you see them singing in the video is what they're singing right then. Phenomenal. So so many of the bands are ones I love: Bon Iver, Guillemots, Vampire Weekend (the audio on "Kids Don't Stand A Chance" is unreal!) Sufjan Stephens, The Kooks, and Jason Mraz even did a few videos (which truly showcase his talent. Sometimes I write him off, but then I remember his concert I went to years back...the guy can sing).

Two of them you must absolutely, absolutely watch. Absolutely.

First one is Arcade Fire. No joke, they get in an elevator and one guy is ripping pages out of a magazine to create...just an awesome cohesive sound. This video is particularly long, but worth it. Did I mention they were IN an ELEVATOR?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-5XK-2Ufd4


AND! If you've seen the Where the Wild Things Are trailer and wondered what that awesome song was, they perform it at the end of the video. If you just want to watch that part (don't be lame watch the whole video) you can jump to about 8:50 right before they start. Sigh, I would have loved to have been there. I have it playing in the background right now. So. Good!

The second that you must see is Sigur Ros. And if you've never heard anything by Sigor Ros....it's like you're experiencing something spiritual. They're an Icelandic band and it's just too beautiful to describe. I, mm, honestly just love Sigur Ros. Que belle!

Sigur Ros - Við spilum endalaust - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

http://vimeo.com/3814849

So, let me just make it easy on you: Take Away Shows: All Artists Personally, I think you should view the French side of the website, but I just like French, so don't stress yourself out trying to translate things.

I hope that link works. If it doesn't, google "take away shows"

Love this song

Listen to the Dark Side by Charlie Mars

It's a good song. Listen to it. Haven't watched the video so I can't vouch for what it's about, but the song is good.


Did I mention the song is good? Or did I mention that I finished my class this morning? Or that I'm TWELVE hours shy of graduating? Did I? Well, shoot. Let me tell you!

Also, happy birthday to my roommate! Off to El Chilito for tacos and beer (or soda).

Proper Oreo Etiquette

Is there such a thing? I was just on a study break to eat dinner and realized that I could follow dinner with a few Oreo's for dessert. As I was eating the first one I wondered if there was a proper way to eat an Oreo. The first one I just straight up dunked in my soy milk (which, if you haven't tried soy milk: it's wonderful); the second cookie I opened up with the intent of getting all the icing on one side, licked the icing off, stuck the cookie back together and then dunked it in milk; the last one I opened up, ate the icing and then dunked each side in separately to prolong the goodness that is Oreo. But my question remains: is there a proper way to eat an Oreo? How do you eat an Oreo? Does it matter? Has my brain begun to melt with the influx of Arab history material?

I feel the answer to all of these questions is: I don't know.

Maybe I will one day explore and formulate a thesis that analyzes a person's personality by the way they eat their Oreo's. I have feeling that those who don't consume Oreo's are going to score extremely poor.

And for all of my hard work I think I will reward myself with one more Oreo. Because hey, twenty-four hours from now I will only be 12 credit hours away from being an alumna. Six years in the making. Holla! And Hook 'Em!

Here's the quilt top I started last weekend. It's not completely finished - I still need to put borders on it. But the blocks are all assembled and put together. My camera phone doesn't really do it any favors, but the colors are a lot brighter in real life.


And, when I moved my sewing machine and sewing table up this past weekend I found the first two quilt tops I ever made.





I can't remember which of the two I made first...probably the green one, maybe. I know I was living in Huntsville at the time so it was between three and four years ago. I love sewing. I wish I had my mother's eye for color.

Quick Home Visit

This past Friday I drove to my parents' house in Houston for a short visit. They're leaving to go on vacation next weekend so I wanted to see them before they left and I had a few things to pick up/drop off as well. While I was there, my mom and I picked out some fabrics for a new quilt that I'm making.



I'll upload a picture of the quilt top once I finish it. The pattern is called "Turning Twenty" and you may have guessed this, but it requires 20 different fabrics. The blocks turned out to be a little dark after assembly, but when I cut them down to size I cropped the darker fabrics out so it's not quite so masculine looking. I also bought fabric for another quilt pattern that I'll start soon after the first quilt top is completed. I'm really excited about that quilt because I love the colors we found. Hopefully I'll have some time this weekend after my final.

Speaking of class, I can't believe this session is almost over. I have a paper due Wednesday and a final on the 15th, which is Saturday (!!!). Today class was canceled which was a wonderful blessing because I seriously needed to catch up on some reading and some sleep.

I carried my kayak down with me this weekend too, think I mentioned that last time. Here's a picture of my dad kayaking. The ducks were a little bewildered and I think my dad got a kick out of following them around.



After my dad tired himself and the ducks out, I got in for a spin around the little lake. On my way back in I heard the fountain turn on...you better believe I turned right around and paddled through the fountain/under the spray until my kayak had taken on about as much water as I felt comfortable with. SO. MUCH. FUN! The water was incredibly dirty though and smelled pretty foul - there's a large-ish duck population. But did I mention that it was ridiculously fun?

Good Gravy and a side of Melt-Down

If you're reading this on RSS feed, get yourself over to my actual blog and check out the new layout which cost me 6 oz of sanity and a good night's sleep. I used a custom blog template and then changed EVERYTHING. See that purple navigational bar? It was lobster red and not meant to be customized. I printed out the codes (17 pages worth) and read until I found the right code. There was a lot of trial and error, but it was worth it. I re-acquainted myself with Photoshop (forgot just how awesome that program is) and re-familiarized myself with html too. I'm a proud mama! If only I could figure out how to tweak the header so that it stretched further across...

This morning I took my dad and my kayak to one of the neighborhood lakes so he could try it out. I think he really enjoyed it. I took some pictures on my phone; I'm trying to figure out how to get those off the microSD card and onto the computer. I'll work on it. I feel like I'm catching up with technology today!

I've also been working on a quilt top since I've been at my parents' (just since yesterday afternoon). I'll get a picture of that too. Now ask me how much reading I've done and how much progress I've made on my paper? Ah, oh well. There are more important things in life. Like family. And I love mine.

'Punks & Poets' sounds good doesn't it?

I don't ever really commit anything to memory. Just now I was presently surprised when I (re)discovered the classes I'm taking in the fall. In no particular order:

History of Rome: The Republic
British Novel in 20th Century
U.S. Foreign Relations, 1776-1914
Senior Seminar - I'm pretty sure this is: British Punks and Poets, English Culture after WWII... or something like that.

Should be really interesting. 12 hours left after this summer session ends next week. What on Earth am I going to do come December? Ideas?

Also, I'm going to need the heat to go away. My flower garden is wilting. Very sad. And oh yeah, it's a zillion degrees in our house. So a cool front would be nice too. Just saying... =)

Can anyone help me with my blog? I designed a new header today, but A) I did it in Publisher and it will probably have to be re-done in Photoshop, and B) I'm going to need to reformat everything else too to match. I've forgotten all the coding stuff that I used to know. Suggestions?

Gypsy-soul

I might need to move to Colorado or somewhere in the Carolinas or even Seattle. I have a semi-estranged aunt and uncle and several older cousins who live on the coast of North Carolina near the Outer Banks (love, love, LOVE the OBX area). Perhaps they would let me visit for a while.

Mostly I just need a road trip with my kayak. Not a trip in my kayak, mind you. I wouldn't get very far. But a trip with my kayak where I can get into some new waters.

There's a possibility of going to Colorado in September. You better believe I've considered my kayak as the one thing I desperately want to take along , right after my memory foam mattress. However, it would probably be a huge inconvenience to everyone along on the trip so I will undoubtedly leave it at home.

Just know, however, that I have begun to itch for a new adventure destination and it most assuredly involves my little boat.

We are the Clay

In open fields of wild flowers
I breathe the air and fly away
I thank my Jesus for the daisies and roses
In no special language
Someday I'll understand:
The meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
And fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray:

I want to fall in love with You

It seems too easy to call You "Savior"
Not close enough to call You "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
To show my devotion...

The Prodigal God

You are all, big and small
beautiful and wonderful
to trust in grace through faith
but I'm asking to taste...

For dark is light to You
depths are height to You
Far is near, but Lord, i need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good



I feel like the weight of the world is all crashing down on me. And some how I just don’t believe this is how it is supposed to be. And all this expectation on the way I’m suppose to live becomes my minds distraction, with nothing left to give. You said your burden is light and your load is no more. You said your ways are right and in you I would soar. I want to be free: free to dance and free to sing, free to live and love and free to be me. In you I’m longing for some peace to be found. I know the heaviness that’s making me cold is stealing my youthful soul and making me old;
I want to be free.


There is a book by Timothy Keller called "The Prodigal God" that I am really interested in reading. I almost never buy books but I am really intrigued by this one. You can find an excerpt from the book at the website: www.theprodigalgod.com. I also really want to read this book that Lauren told me about months ago: Radical Womanhood, maybe... Lauren, what's the name of that book? (P.S. I just found a birthday card that I wrote to you, I don't even know how many years ago, but I plan on sending it to you this year, Ha! I'll, um, write a new message =) Just kidding, I'll send it with a new one.)

I just, hm, have been feeling difficult lately. Like I'm wrestling with something, but for the life of me I don't know what that something is yet. My introverted side has been rearing its ugly head lately. I'm also willing to bet this is why I've been getting sick so frequently the last few months; there is a massive internal struggle that I can't put words to and therefore can not bring to light. And who knows how long it's even taken me just to realize there is something brewing. Worst of all (I think), it's sapping my joy.

There are days I wish God had made me differently. I know people who can easily seem to be able to diagnose themselves and their issues so easily and BAM! they're on to the next thing. It always takes me months and it involves a knock-down-drag-out war. But I don't second-guess Him, because I know I'm this way for a reason. I just find myself really annoyed with myself. I just laughed out loud at that, but it's true! I pity the man God has for me (there's an "if" statement lurking there). Really. So... just waayyy in advance: "Honey, I'm SORRY."

On a completely different, un-related topic, I have been really disciplined about working out lately for the first time in my life! Yeah-yuh! This means I have a good routine going on. Also, if anyone is looking for podcast sermons, I've been love, love, loving Matt Chandler's series on Luke from the Village Church in Dallas. They're available, free, on iTunes.

Une chanson

Just heard this song. I love the video, too! So creative...




Also, wasn't I just sick? Yes...yes I think I was. I distinctly remember there being fever and a wheezing cough with sore throat and lastly, an inhaler. I've picked up a sore throat again within the last two days. =/ I have the weakest immune system. I don't think I used to get sick this easily. It's just been within this last year. Also yesterday I spent 5 solid hours in my car. FIVE. 100 miles, didn't go further than Elgin, driving someone around. Not exactly my cup of tea, but hopefully it will have paid off and a job will come through.

Unintentional picture post

This post just changed three times. Sorry for anything that doesn't make sense.

London playlist:
New Shoes - Paolo Nutini
Naive - The Kooks
New-York New-York - Ryan Adams
Don't I Hold You - Wheat
Where Does the Good Go - Tegan & Sara
Ding Dong - Nellie McKay
Last Request - Paolo Nutini
Ooh la - The Kooks
Ice Age - Pete Yorn
The Sad Waltzes of Pietro Crespi - Owen
Life is Beautiful - Ryan Adams
Girls - Nizlopi
A Bird in Hand - Owen
The Man - Pete Yorn
When the Stars go Blue - Ryan Adams
Sing Around It - Nizlopi
BHFH - Hem
Bad News - Owen

Also check out "I Wish I was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers in My Hair)". It's by Sandi Thom. I have no idea where it came from, but it appeared on my ipod one day when I was living in London. All of those songs are ones that I discovered while in London. Also, Lemar's album "The Truth About Love" is pretty good as well (a bit lovey dovey). I heard about him from an ad in the underground one day.




Buckingham Palace (I've seen the Queen! And it was a magical moment.)


This picture is from my Christmas present from Adam and Ellen. We saw...

Wicked! Best surprise gift ever!!

(Sad sigh) One of the girls from the bible study I used to co-lead with Lauren (several years ago now) is studying abroad in London right now. It kills me to look at her pictures. I am beyond jealous, I am in the realm of heart-literally-aching-with-teary-eyes for that place. It just makes me sick, I miss it so. Someday I'll venture back (again). It was nice when I went back for my brother's wedding.



Oh, bless. I miss that city....

Fotos

My brother Patrick and I did a mock photoshoot with one of my best friends Michaela on Sunday. Jump on over to her blog to see a few photos: michiheart.blogspot.com (Apparently I'm link illiterate). I think we did way better than I expected. I have this nervous twitch thing where any time I'm in front of a camera for posed shots, I get this tick in my right cheek. I always end up trying to bite the inside of my cheek, or turning my head for a minute to relax my face and then try again...but it usually fails and the pictures are awful. I think I was just comfortable enough around them both that it wasn't so hard.

Here's a little taste:





Thanks, Michi! I had fun!

Addendum

Also! Guess who has a birthday in ten days?! Woot!

And, I feel that I may need to clarify my last post. Did it come across as though I don't believe in free will? Because I do believe we have the choice to obey or disregard. I also believe that because I choose to obey, God's plan will be executed in my life, whatever mistakes or choices I make; God will use them for his glory. Do those thoughts conflict? ...Not sure. I have a hard time with predestination/whatever beyond that, so I'm not going to say more because it's one of those mysteries that I do not feel enlightened enough to talk on. And at the risk of confusing myself, I will stop there.

Also, my phone randomly lit up just now, and it has really given me the heeby jeebies. I am 100% scared of the dark and not afraid to say it.

It is Well with My Soul, pt 2

So much for going to bed early!

I just had a moment. Remember the last time I had a moment? Well, this was a different moment.

This was a "I'm not going to panic. I won't have a panic attack...This is not a panic attack...I am going to stop panicking. Right. Now. Stop it" kind of moment.

On the rare occasions I allow my mind to wander into the darkness that seems to be my future, I tend to freak out. For so long I have been thinking, "Don't think about your future. Graduation is far away. So far. Focus on school. You'll be in school forever."

Friends, graduation is a mere five months away. I have been in school for ages now (only six years) and it is shocking to realize that the end is near. Perhaps it's time to start thinking of what the future is going to look like. Perhaps I should make a list, scour the internet for job ideas, something!

But I have no ideas. I have no idea where to start. I have no aspirations to climb any ladders. I think I would very well die working a typical desk job. I've had two very different desk jobs, and I think I did suffer and lose a little part of my soul at each. Not saying there is anything wrong with desk jobs. There are different jobs for different people. I respect those who can sit it out at a desk under those God-awful, migraine inducing florescent lights . I happen to believe that I am not one of them.

But I still have no ideas. And call me crazy, but I don't feel like I should start searching the internet looking for a career any time soon. In truth, I feel like doing that would be disobedient. I have been praying for growth and peace and asking for the joy of the Lord to find me wherever I am. I keep asking that God would reveal his plan for my life in his timing and in his way , and if he could not wait around until the 11th hour, that would be splendid. Mostly, I have been praying that God would help me to live with child-like faith. I have experienced several moments of joy in the last few weeks (when I say moments I mean entire days); and Blogland, if you have not experienced the freedom of living in complete joy, let's talk. I think I've seen growth in recent months and days, and I've found a peace in not knowing or understanding what in the world will become of my life. I have seen the results of praying for others with child-like faith that God can do anything, especially when I don't see any possibilities of success.

But I still have no ideas what will become of me next year. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this, but when I was about 8 or 9, I had a project that was designed to make us imagine what our life would be like in ten years. I remember crying about this project because I could not imagine what I would look like or be doing ten years from that moment. I struggled with it so much that I came to the conclusion that I must not live past the age of 18. Isn't that crazy? I just couldn't imagine myself older. So I lied on my project and said that I would be doing something boring, I can't remember what, and I felt so guilty. I carried that idea with me for years though until I eventually forgot. But then on my 18th birthday I remember being shocked that I had made it. I was so happy and a little disbelieving that as an eight year old I was incapable of seeing what my life could have been. It was just so overwhelming to imagine a life that I knew nothing about and the natural conclusion was that I wouldn't be around.

Anyway, here is the real moment I just had. I will probably never know what my life will be like. I can't imagine my life a month, six months, five years from now, because it's not my life. Whew, let me pause for a moment and digest that. If I am what I say I am, and live the way I'm called to live, my life is out of my hands. If I trust God the way that I say that I do, and the way that I wish I did, I don't need to have plans or ideas. I've got one that I will hold on to: it belongs to God.

Not that I'm devoid of desires or wishes. I think God has placed those specific things in my heart for a reason. And it's my hope that one day he will see fit to fulfill them. Until that day, I will continue to try and delight myself in the Lord: his blessings, his grace, his character, his strength and on & on.

I hate writing or talking about something like this. It inevitably means that I will not live up to it and will find the proverbial egg on my face. But I believe in grace. And I've felt God's unconditional love in the moments when I absolutely did not deserve to be loved. And I do believe that I will see God move through my imperfections and I look forward to seeing his plan revealed.

And five months from now, if I call one of you, completely losing my head because I'm graduating and haven't secured a job, will you please re-direct me to this moment? I can almost guarantee you that I will lose sight of the bigger picture and begin the death spiral of hyper-ventilation, panic, and busyness. Will you please tell me to shut up, slow down and pray? And in advance, thank you. =)

Relevant lyrics.

Heard this song this morning while I was getting ready and I thought it was applicable.

Carryin' a millstone malaise
It's been pulling down your gaze
You pound the pavement
It don't give or care
This weight ain't yours to bear

Why you holdin' grudges in old jars?
Why you wanna show off all your scars?
What's it gonna take to lay a few burdens down?
It's a beautiful sound

When they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
And now you're free to fly

When that muffled sigh
Says you're barely getting by
Cut your burdens loose and just simplify
Simplify

This is not your floor
You're going higher than before
Drop the weight now
Wait for the lookout guide
Look outside

As they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
Now you're free to fly

You've gotta lay that burden down
You're gonna lay that burden down
It's time to leave your burdens in a pyre
Set a bonfire

'Cause when you lay your burdens down
When you lay your burdens down
When you drop them burdens
What a free-fall
What a thrill
Bury them all
In a landfill

"Million Pieces" by the Newsboys.
(Side note: I saw them in concert when I was in junior high [I think] in Austin, perhaps. It's a fuzzy memory, but it was on the greatest retreat trip ever. It was styled after MTV's Road Rules. The church I went with rented three or four 15-passenger vans and we did a four or five day trip of several cities in Texas. We got a clue at the beginning of each day to figure out where we were going. I think we traveled from Houston to San Antonio [picture scavenger hunt across the city with funky things to do/find (ex: human pyramid/handstands in front of Alamo)], then to Austin [each van was given a bag full of costumes and told to dress as funky as possible, then we pulled up in front of this massive church for the Newsboys concert where everyone looked normal except for us], then we went to Dallas [spent the day at Six Flags], and then back to Houston. SO. MUCH. FUN. We stayed at a church facility in each city. One of them had a skate rental so we all got skates and spent the night circling around the basketball gym. Good memory... long sidenote.)