Relevant lyrics.

Heard this song this morning while I was getting ready and I thought it was applicable.

Carryin' a millstone malaise
It's been pulling down your gaze
You pound the pavement
It don't give or care
This weight ain't yours to bear

Why you holdin' grudges in old jars?
Why you wanna show off all your scars?
What's it gonna take to lay a few burdens down?
It's a beautiful sound

When they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
And now you're free to fly

When that muffled sigh
Says you're barely getting by
Cut your burdens loose and just simplify
Simplify

This is not your floor
You're going higher than before
Drop the weight now
Wait for the lookout guide
Look outside

As they all fall
Like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
They all fall
Like a million pieces
A ticker tape parade high
Now you're free to fly

You've gotta lay that burden down
You're gonna lay that burden down
It's time to leave your burdens in a pyre
Set a bonfire

'Cause when you lay your burdens down
When you lay your burdens down
When you drop them burdens
What a free-fall
What a thrill
Bury them all
In a landfill

"Million Pieces" by the Newsboys.
(Side note: I saw them in concert when I was in junior high [I think] in Austin, perhaps. It's a fuzzy memory, but it was on the greatest retreat trip ever. It was styled after MTV's Road Rules. The church I went with rented three or four 15-passenger vans and we did a four or five day trip of several cities in Texas. We got a clue at the beginning of each day to figure out where we were going. I think we traveled from Houston to San Antonio [picture scavenger hunt across the city with funky things to do/find (ex: human pyramid/handstands in front of Alamo)], then to Austin [each van was given a bag full of costumes and told to dress as funky as possible, then we pulled up in front of this massive church for the Newsboys concert where everyone looked normal except for us], then we went to Dallas [spent the day at Six Flags], and then back to Houston. SO. MUCH. FUN. We stayed at a church facility in each city. One of them had a skate rental so we all got skates and spent the night circling around the basketball gym. Good memory... long sidenote.)

June 09's Playlist

Trouble - Ray LaMontagne
Paradise Cove - Pete Yorn
That It Moves - Greg Laswell
Dream - Priscilla Ahn
Thinking of You - Pete Yorn
Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
Girl Downtown - Hayes Carll
Long Time Nothing New - Pete Yorn
Red Cape - Priscilla Ahn
You Are the Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne
And Then You - Greg Laswell
Lullaby - Priscilla Ahn
It's A Shame - Hayes Carll
Shelter - Ray LaMontagne
Find My Way Back Home - Priscilla Ahn
Beaumont - Hayes Carll

I may open it up to a few more artists after I've looked through my ipod. But I think I like that it's limited to this handful of talent.

Sparkling Leaves

EDIT/UPDATE:
You can buy Priscilla Ahn's album on iTunes for $7.99. I just did. Also, Pete Yorn's new album is out as of yesterday. I previewed some of the songs and then bought a few that sound especially appetizing to my little ears.
---------------------------------

I love this song. For more reasons than I could possibly put into words. Priscilla Ahn's voice is just perfect to me. I wish I could sing, but I really wish I could sing like her. All of her songs are wonderful, in my humble opinion; this one, "Dream," is my favorite right now though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI

Here's a video someone created for the song:


It's just one of those songs that makes me long for something. I'm not sure what exactly, but I think it's something like never wanting to lose that child-like sense of wonder. I feel nostalgic. I want to remember what I dreamed about when I was a little girl. (Truth be told it was probably about playing pro-soccer or being an artist or traveling the world). All of which I would still like to do, though I definitely lack the talent that I once thought I had.

Not to go all deep and brooding, but I've been struggling to find passion again since I've been sick (over a year ago now! Still feels like last month). Sometimes I think I've just been emotionally shut down to things. I've seen things and heard things that I know should move me or impress some degree of awe or wonder in me, but I don't feel anything. I'm scared to pray for God to re-open those gates or to show me something awe-inspiring - I don't know if I could handle it. Unless it was something spectacularly simple that just blew my mind wide open. I'm scared that He'll show me something huge-

That's stupid. Can I not trust Him to show me exactly what I need? Does He not know me, my needs, my tolerable upper limits? I don't think I'm emotionally dead (as my roommate jokes, she calls me a robot; e.g. the other day I cried about something and she suggested that perhaps I was developing a soul - not funny, by the way. I just feel wired differently since I was ill). I've thought about painting something recently, but I don't have the first clue what to paint. I was really getting into water colors before everything happened. Maybe one day this summer I'll try again. I'll put a date to it:

One day between this weekend and the next, I, Emily Kaitlin Burnham, will put brush to paper. Consider that electronically signed.

And if I fail to comply and show evidence, anyone who quotes this to me has my authorization to collect $20 by any means necessary. However, if you punch or harm me in any way, I reserve the right to return the favor and deny you the $20 and in return charge you a fee based upon my discretion.

Just kidding! You may not collect $20, but I will keep my word.

I title this one: Woe is me!

If you can't handle TMI, or close to TMI, don't read this one. I'm working on another post in my head so maybe just wait for that one.

I don't know what it is about that special time of the month, but it seems as though some of the worst things gravitate to those few days of intense mood swings and emotional/hormonal chaos. In addition to the awful physical goings on (and I win every contest of worst PMS symptoms), do I really need to be a basket case too? I mean - really? It just seems like the world is ending at least once a month. This week it was car issues, cramps, crying over stupid things, cramps, car issues and crying. Honestly. And I know that some of the things are stupid and not worth crying over, but I can't help it: the world is ending.

Last Thursday the van I've been driving overheated and started smoking. The radiator was completely dry when I checked and it wouldn't hold any water. I left town at 4 am Friday so I couldn't deal with it until I got home Sunday. Sunday when I got home it was too late to do anything.

Monday was the most frustrating day. I don't know what the issue was, but the mechanic I wanted to have the van towed to would not answer their phones (I called 6 times throughout the day) and they didn't return my voice mail for over 24 hours. Needless to say, they lost a potential customer who would have been paying a lot for car repairs. I still just don't understand why it was so difficult to find a mechanic and have the thing towed. In summary, I cried. I was so frustrated. But I did find a mechanic and it was towed and taken care of. After the frustration though, everyone has a recommendation for a mechanic now. hmph

Today I went and picked the van up (Thanks for the ride, Anna!) and the A/C doesn't work. I nearly cried on the way home. I have zero tolerance for heat - it just makes me sick. Add that to the cramps and the overall feeling of world termination... I stopped and bought some sorbet and some things for dinner. I know it will all be ok tomorrow or the next day, but seriously...sometimes (once a month) I wonder how much easier it must be to be a man.